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  • Is your comfort zone keeping you safe or small?

    Is your comfort zone keeping you safe or small?

    “Alas, for those who never sing, but die with the music in them.”

    Oliver Wendell Holmes

    As an author, I’m well versed in the Hero’s Journey storyline. It is the most used tool in stories, movies, television, books etc. Think Star Wars and Harry Potter.

    As writers and marketers we use the Hero’s Journey in our text as well (to a lesser or greater degree). Our hero is ambling along in his/her normal life. An inciting incident disrupts normal life (geyser bursts, we get ill, relationships fuck out, our car licence expires and so on). We then accept the call to fix the problem and thus go on an adventure. We find a mentor (service provider). We go through trials. We go through the dark night of the soul. We get the prize. We take the elixir back to our tribe so that they benefit. We learn valuable lessons. We grow. We are better off.

    You get the picture.

    Most people prefer the status quo

    Here’s the problem, though. Most people don’t really want to grow, become better and dent the universe. We’re quite happy to stay in our ordinary world … in our comfort zone. The zone where our dreams go to die.

    This is understandable, of course.

    I don’t know about you, but every time I venture over the wall of comfort, I run into a lot of pain. As a writer, the pain comes wrapped up in rejection and ridicule.

    And, danger.

    In my case, I also write copy for clients. If the stuff I write is too far out there for them, I could lose the job. I have to eat, so I take the coward’s (or realist’s) route and go back to writing banal and safe copy. I go back to both our comfort zones because it is safer and less painful there (for both of us).

    But that’s the problem with a comfort zone. We go to it because it is supposed to keep us safe. But, actually, all it does is keep our lives small.

    Let no one kid you. When you step out of your comfort zone, you are going to be massively uncomfortable and feel pain. That’s just the way it is. But if you accept the call to adventure, and can cut through the Gordian Knot of complexity, pain and discomfort, the whole of Asia will open up for you. A magical world full of endless possibilities awaits you.

    There’s one thing that every Hero’s Journey has that will make the journey easier, and that’s a mentor.

    Taking the first step of your journey towards endless possibilities is not the real thing that takes courage. It’s opening yourself up to possible (highly likely) failure and disappointment.

    The superpower that will get you through this is vulnerability. Without being vulnerable, you can’t move forward. And, we all need help with moving forward, don’t we?

    That’s why we have to become vulnerable, and open ourselves up to being helped. We have to ask for help. We need mentors.

    I don’t know about you, but that’s where my courage is tested. I could ask for help, and get rejected. Just the thought of being rejected makes me want to throw up and cringe in fear. It makes me want to avoid asking for help so that I can scuttle back to my comfort zone … the place where my dreams go to die.

    Of course, it doesn’t have to be like that, does it? Become vulnerable and ask for help so that you can move forward. What if you could enter a world of endless possibilities? How would that feel? How would that look?

    I think it would feel fabulous.

    Remember, you were created as a masterpiece whose job it is to craft a master-work.

    Go. Go do this.

    I can’t wait to see what mischief you’re going to get up to. Whatever it is, it will benefit you and, by extension, us.

  • How to get traction with your posts on Facebook

    How to get traction with your posts on Facebook

    I don’t know about you, but I find it extremely difficult to get traction on Facebook. I put out my best work, and get 3 likes, if I’m lucky.

    But those frikking cat memes get 10 000 likes.

    But, recently I found out what I was doing wrong when it comes to marketing my posts on Facebook.

    The main thing was that I always had a link to my website. Don’t do this because FB thinks it is promotion and, it wants all the advertising revenue, so it throttles your post and hardly anyone sees it.

    Here’s what you should do:

    • Put a photo of yourself doing something (not a graphic like the frog above).
    • Find a hook as your first sentence so that you draw people into your post. E.g. Are you charging too little and working too hard for bum clients? That’ll pull you in as an entrepreneur.
    • Don’t ever, ever, ever put a link to your website/landing page. Ever. Did I say that enough? Don’t ever. Rather make your call to action: “Please inbox me if you want more information”.
    • Put emojis in your post (normally in your hook sentence)

    Since doing it, I’ve got a lot more traction on my Facebook posts. (I do hate the emojis, though). Hope that works for you.

  • BNI 30 Seconds, 16 November – Hell Hath No Fury

    BNI 30 Seconds, 16 November – Hell Hath No Fury

    16 November 2022 – Every week, each BNI member has 30 seconds to tell a story about his or her business. This is mine for the week.

    “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”

    Most people don’t know what precedes that quote. 

    Awesome copywriters have facts like that burnt into their memory.

    Good copywriters know how to write; great ones have an encyclopaedic general knowledge. 

    This makes their writing interesting, engaging and infinitely compelling.

    Find a copywriter that’s curious, whip smart and makes beautiful art.

    “Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.”

    My name is Jacques de Villiers. Whatever you say will be put into a story.

    Business Network International (BNI) Champions Chapter – Come to our meeting, stay for the referrals

  • Please stop my accountant from firing me

    Please stop my accountant from firing me

    This is a direct response sales letter I wrote for my How To Charge Like A Grown Up Workshop. I loved writing it.

    ——————————————————————————————————–

    Hello

    I would like to offer you a spot on one of my signature workshops, How To Charge Like A Grown Up. I’m facilitating it live and in-person on 24 November 2022 at half price, a ludicrously low R1 900 a seat.

    Why?

    Well, some unkind people (my family and my accountant) think that I spend all my time drinking whiskey and playing chess with my awesome friends. And I resent that. Probably because it is so true.

    My accountant said that I could do better. That I could bolster the balance sheet. Geez, I thought I was doing well enough with my copywriting business. Well enough to drink whiskey and play chess with my friends, anyway. And, get the odd bass fishing weekend in too.

    Clearly he lives in the rarefied air of the very wealthy and has the clients to prove it.

    I’m convinced that he name-dropped Lionel Messi the other day, but I was probably recovering from a hangover, and misheard. I do know that he has clients that earn wild money every month. One of them, an attorney, brings in 700k a month.

    But I think that if I was earning that kind of money, I wouldn’t have time to drink whiskey and play chess with my friends. And, go on the odd bass fishing weekend! What would be the fun in that? Yet I am open to moving the money earning dial a bit further to keep my accountant happy.

    My accountant hinted that he only works with prime clients (what, am I a rib eye steak to him?). I think he is actually saying he’ll cut me loose if I don’t shape up.

    The cheek of it.

    The trouble is that I actually like him. He’s cool and Zen and spiritual and whip-smart, my kind of person. I know his children go to perfect schools, and they have horses too. I suppose these eating and pooping creatures cost a pretty penny to support. I meant the horses, not the children.

    I also know that the more I earn, the more he earns.

    So, perhaps Lionel Messi isn’t a client of his after all, otherwise he wouldn’t be squeezing me to do better. Maybe he’s feeling financial pressure? Maybe the horses’ upkeep is too much? I don’t know. All I know is that I don’t want to lose him.

    And to be frank, it’s November and near year-end. I have neither the energy nor the mental bandwidth to look for another accountant. It’ll be easier to add some more money to my bank account.

    So, can you help me keep him, please? Go to the How To Charge Like A Grown Up landing page and scratch around there. If it resonates with your situation, please book your seat (in-person or online).

    You’re the Job

    Jacques

  • Nadia Gaspari LinkedIn Bio Commission

    Nadia Gaspari LinkedIn Bio Commission

    The enchanting Nadia Gaspari, managing director of Kantar Profiles commissioned me to craft her LinkedIn bio. Here’s the result.

    I help companies find and action consumer data quickly so that they can get a bigger market share, retain and grow their existing consumer base. Market Research. Insights. Data. Insights.

    About

    If your organisation is trying to figure out how to grow your business, then you should seriously consider speaking to me.

    I’m Nadia Gaspari, managing director of Kantar Profiles (Middle East/Africa), the world’s largest
    single-source of permission-based sample supply. We have access to 120m panellists in 70+ markets
    worldwide.

    I was introduced to the world of data, insights and market research in 1997. I was hooked from the get go. 25 years on and I’m still as curious, fascinated and passionate by data and how people think, feel and act.

    As a bonus, at Kantar I get to lead a team just as passionate about data as I am and get to work with amazing clients who are, like me, infinitely curious and understand the value of accurate insights.

    What do I bring to the party?

    I pioneered the first mobile research study in 2009, I have in-depth knowledge of tech-enabled solutions so that my clients can reach their desired target audience. My team and my clients know me as an out-the-box thinker, a strategist, a problem solver, proactive and solutions-driven.

    About Kantar Profiles

    Kantar Profiles is a good fit for organisations who need consumer data and insights so that they can stay competitive, build market share and retain customers. We work well with brand managers, insights managers, marketing managers, research account directors and managing directors. There are disparate industries that find our offering useful, including:

    FMCG
    Media
    Retailers
    Management consultancies
    Marketing consultancies
    Fast food operations
    Online shopping
    Telcos
    Financial institutions

    Through our extensive profiling efforts and data connections, we have more information about the people you want to reach. And in a world where the value of first-party data is rising as the reliance of third-party cookies diminishes, we deliver data from online research panels and sources our clients can act with, quickly.

    Our unique and unrivalled API-driven ecosystem of 120m+ compliant panellists spans 70+ global markets from all walks of life. You can access this repository of knowledge quickly (hours/days) with ease for precise targeting and enhanced insights through our exceptional solution: Research Plus powered by Accelerated Answers.

    When I’m not up to my eyeballs in data and leading my team, you’ll find me cooking, scuba diving, spending time with my family and reading.

    If you’d like to set up a discovery call, please reach out to me on 082 854 3494 or nadia.gaspari@kantar.com

    Check out previous LinkedIn Bios.

  • Why I sign off with You’re The Job

    Why I sign off with You’re The Job

    It only just occurred to me why I sign off this newsletter and marketing pieces with:

    I love you,

    Jacques

    or

    You’re the Job

    Jacques

    Even though it is a courtesy to you, and I really do mean it (that I love you), every time I sign off it’s a reminder to me.

    It is a reminder to me to love myself, that I’m the job, that I’m a masterwork creating a masterpiece, that I’m extraordinary, that I’m worthy and that I’m lovable.

    I’ve started listening to how I speak to myself as a conscious exercise in mindfulness.

    F%3k me … if I spoke to anyone else how I spoke to myself (with disdain, loathing, frustration and doubt), I’d have no friends.

    If I cannot even treat myself with the respect and love I deserve, how am I going to treat my friends and my clients?

    So, I’m stopping this nonsense and I’m going to speak to myself like I’d speak to my creator … with love, respect, awe and gratitude.

    I hope you’ll join me on this quest.

    You’re the job, I love you!

    Jacques

  • What is Quantum Entanglement?

    What is Quantum Entanglement?

    I’ve been running informal Quantum Jumping meditations based on the work of the late mind science engineer, Burt Goldman with some of my friends. The idea is that there are alternate universes out there where there’s a version of you that has everything you could wish for. We go into those universes and visualise the ideal you and manifest whatever it is you want to be and do. When we come back to this reality, we bring a bit of that reality with us and this kicks off the manifestation process.

    It occurred to me the other day after hearing a presentation by mindshift coach, Robin Pullen, that one doesn’t have to travel to other universes to tap into the power of manifestation. You can stay right here, in this reality and create what you want. It’s just fun travelling to other universes, don’t you think? So, I’m still going to keep doing that. Robin mentioned something about state management that gave me a moment to pause and think about how I manifest in this reality. If I’m in a resourceful state, I will attract that. If I’m in an unresourceful state, I will attract that.

    Let’s explore this by way of an example. Have you ever sent out sales proposals to potential clients and gone through a dry spell where not one was accepted. It’s quite disheartening, isn’t it? If it happens often enough, you start doubting yourself (or at least, I start doubting myself). You start the self talk that spirals you down … “My stuff sucks. I don’t know why I bother, they probably won’t go for this proposal. What’s the point? I suck.” You know the drill. Perhaps this has happened to you?

    Here’s the danger … because we’re pretty much all in a state of quantum entanglement, the way we feel in the moment affects the one that we are trying to connect with. In the proposal example … if I come from a negative unresourceful state where my gut, heart and head are in turmoil, I will create a similar state in the person I’m trying to influence. My negativity and insecurity triggers his/her insecurity too. So, if there are two negatives they will repel each other. Thus, my proposals will not be accepted.

    The idea then is to be in a resourceful state. A state where you feel positive and empowered. A state where your intent is to benefit the other person. A state where you come from a place of fullness so that you have more to give the other person. Come from a place of love (love for yourself and the other) and see how you start manifesting what you want. And, I’m not talking just about the stuff you (think) you want … that’s easy to get. I’m talking about the stuff that matters … connection, love, happiness, fulfilment, security, belonging and joy, amongst others.

    You have everything needed for this extravagant journey that is your life. Carlos Castaneda

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  • LinkedIn Profile Commission: Costa Carastavrakis

    LinkedIn Profile Commission: Costa Carastavrakis

    I’m a humourist motivational speaker and company culture architect who, through my real world lived experience as a gay South African, Greek man faced prejudice in all forms. I , can help companies have the courageous conversations about the world of gender, diversity, equity and inclusivity. Check out my LinkedIn profile.

    My signature keynote, I Am Costa, is packed with humour, sensitivity and deep insights into how companies can use kindness and tolerance as a substrate upon which they can grow their greatness, creativity, productivity and profitability.

    It touches on my journey where from a young age I learned to hide who I really was. Denying and failing to accept myself and my unique place in society nearly killed me. I developed coping mechanisms that included substance abuse. I wrote about this in my critically acclaimed book, I Am Costa: From Meth To Marathons.

    In a Nutshell

    • I educate in an engaging and entertaining way many diversity concepts that are normally difficult to navigate for companies
    • I challenge thinking around diversity and inclusivity and invite everyone to be open to
    • new ways to engage with each other
    • I make people feel comfortable to express their authenticity in the workplace
    • My humour and unique story creates a memorable moment for the collective audience. A moment that triggers new thinking and behaviour towards one another – to look for the humanity in each other
    • I help companies create a culture where everyone feels they belong
    • I help companies and employees be more tolerant and inclusive of all
    • I assist companies and employees clear blocks in their restrictive thinking around diversity to foster better relations, communication, safety for all and increased creativity and productivity

    What some people have said about me

    • “An incredible story and a true testament to the strength we have.” – Roland Schoeman,
      SA Olympic Gold Medalist.
    • “I laughed, I cried.” – Kuli Roberts, TV Host and Producer
    • “Costa is a true inspiration.” Kate Roberts, SA Double Olympic Triathlete

    When I am not speaking you’ll find me flipping burgers at either of my two RocoMamas franchises, or consulting on marketing strategy for my boutique list of clients. You may also come across my acting skills on Legacy or The River where my telenovela star is being polished.

    If you’re looking for a humorous, insightful and dynamic speaker to speak on gender mainstreaming, diversity, equity, inclusion, resilience and our shared humanity, consider me for your next conference or event.

    You can reach me on costa@thisiscosta.com or check out my website.

    This LinkedIn profile was crafted by Jacques de Villiers.

  • Try the lexicon of love

    Try the lexicon of love

    A number of people have asked me why I stopped sending out my newsletter. To be honest, I’ve had a ‘dark night of the soul’ experience and retreated into my cave to lick my wounds and make sense of my world again. Those panic attacks I wrote about had turned into depression (I can say that because I have 20 degrees in psychology 😉 – it’s probably just something called Jannie Jammergat) and it was quite debilitating.

    Long story short, my partner Estelle left to pursue her dream in Australia (and because I only have a diploma, am over 45 and don’t have a quajillion dollars to invest in starting a business there, I cannot go with). So, we consciously uncoupled on 7 June. We decided to honour our brief relationship with love, compassion and gratitude and not acrimony and regret. We both love each other dearly, but it is not our path to be together.

    Of course like any good author, I’ll write a book about it because the nine months we were together (yeah, a birth) were the most heart-opening, loving, triggering (Carlos Castaneda’s Petty Tyrant incarnate) and healing experience for both of us. We were soulmates, or according to the clever people, twin flames (who come into each others life for a short period).

    Because I have 20 degrees in psychology I’ve diagnosed myself not as depressed, but as grieving. So, I sit with the process, the pain, the heartache and try and heal from it (Just like Estelle is doing in Australia).

    But this story isn’t about Estelle and I. It’s actually about the lexicon we use to frame our reality … the register and the vocabulary we use.

    There were two ways we could look at our experience: heartbreaking, shattering, pain, hurt, rejection, abandonment … I can go on.

    Or we could look at it as a: healing, loving, growing, insightful, grateful, powerful and heart-opening experience.

    Of course we’re both sad and grieving the loss of our human attachment. The reality, however, is that our relationship is something to celebrate. I was gifted with an opportunity to really love someone at the deepest levels possible; as was Estelle. Since my journey at the Sufi retreat in 2016 I’ve been trying to get out of my head and into my heart and connect with the divine (in me).

    It was easy sprouting wisdom from the safe domain of a retreat or as an intellectual exercise … not having to be in the blood and guts of life. You don’t get your hands dirty or your heart tested.

    So, spirit said, “Oh, you really want to open your heart, do you?” Well here you go: meet Estelle. Through Estelle and a shit ton of work from my side, spirit got me to integrate my learnings and insights in a very real way.

    In short, Estelle loved my heart open … there was no vocabulary of breaking, tearing, shattering. And, in the process, I loved my own heart open and am changed as a consequence.

    I suppose I could have chosen, “Watch Your Language” as a title for this article, but Lexicon of Love seemed more apt. But yeah, watch your language, be vigilant of your vocabulary and be mindful of how you speak to yourself and frame things. What I’m starting to understand is that every experience is for our higher good, even though it may not feel so at the time. As my friend Etsko Schuitema loves to say, “The world is your ally.” I think he’s right.

    My heart has been loved open. That’s the lexicon I choose.

  • Writing is not for sissies

    Writing is not for sissies

    I write one masterpiece to ninety-one pages of shit. I try to put the shit into the wastebasket. Ernest Hemingway

    If I was going all spiritual on your ass, I’d say that Hemingway had it pegged when it came to calling it. Put the shit in the wastebasket and move on with your life. We know he didn’t have life pegged because he sucked on a shotgun in the end (be it by his own hand, the mafia or the CIA, we’ll never know).

    Today I want to explore book writing.

    If you want to write a book, don’t. Unless you’re ready to face every demon, weakness and mental frailty you have. Because they will all be tested. I promise you.

    My friend Alison Weihe just finished her book (I had a small hand in birthing it as an editor).You can get it here.

    image

    It’s a great book. It has been sent to Mindvalley … don’t be surprised if you see her as a main stage speaker in Estonia this year.

    This is what I said about Alison in May 2021on LinkedIn and it is unfolding just as I predicted. She got a standing ovation at a peer conference on Sunday. You’ll soon see her everywhere.

    I’ve only known Alison for the shortest time (three years). First when she was an emerging speaker at the Professional Speakers Association of Southern Africa, then as a friend and finally as a client.

    She has metamorphosed into a beautiful butterfly when it comes to the craft of storytelling. I’ve been privileged to watch her grow.

    I’m a big fan of the Mindvalley programmes, as is Alison – it has the most enlightened, engaging and brilliant teachers on the planet who are raising human consciousness.

    I have no doubt that Alison will one day be standing on a Mindvalley stage in Estonia sharing her wisdom and mesmerising the audience with her skill, storytelling and wisdom.

    If I were you, I’d book Alison now to speak at your next conference to inspire your employees … she’s still affordable. When she hits superstar status (as I’m sure she will) and gets on the world stage, she might just be out of your and my price range.

    Go to her now, it’ll be one of the best decisions you’ve made for your staff in a long time.

    The Truth Be Told

    The truth be told, it took it’s toll, though. Every book I’ve ever been involved with (either writing or editing … just over 33 now) was like giving birth (I’m not qualified to say that, of course) without any pain medication, protracted labour in a fetid French gutter reminiscent of the great book, Perfume: The Story of A Murderer by  Patrick Süskind.

    Alison, like all the authors I know went through something like this:

    • My writing is shit
    • I’m shit
    • This is hard
    • I hate it
    • I hate myself
    • I awesome
    • I’m magnificent
    • Who am I kidding
    • I want to kill myself (just like Ernest Hemingway, Virginia Wolf, Hunter S. Thompson, Sylvia Plath and Yukio Mishima, amongst others).
    • Who wants to read this crap
    • This is self-indulgent
    • My life is boring
    • I’m boring
    • I hate my editor … she eviscerated me
    • I want that piece in it’s my best work … don’t take it out … nooo (Kill your darlings)
    • I have nothing more to say and I’ve only written 20 000 words.
    • Is this really my philosophy. I sound like a raving lunatic
    • What if people don’t like it
    • What if they hate it
    • What if I only sell 10
    • I want to belong
    • I want to be heard
    • I’m scared
    • I don’t want to be heard. I want to hide
    • I’m so lazy. I watched Netflix the whole day instead of writing
    • I’m lazy
    • I’m useless
    • My life’s a waste
    • I want to throw the book in the dustbin
    • I wish I could write like Margaret Atwood (no, shit, so do I)
    • This book’s not good enough
    • I’m not good enough
    • I will be persecuted
    • It’s my fault (what’s your fault? That your parents split up, that your partner doesn’t love you enough and, that the psychopath, Putin invaded the Ukraine? What is it that’s your fault?)

    Ok, so that was just off the top of my head.

    Writing is not for sissies

    Writing is not for sissies. But neither is living. It’s hard to craft a masterpiece. But that’s your job. Really, to make your life a masterwork and a masterpiece is the only worthwhile job. You’re the job.

    Not everyone should write a book, I get that. But everyone should go deep and explore who they are. Do the inner work. Do the hard work. You can’t outrun your demons, I promise you. They will catch you and mess you up. Read this article if you think you can hide.

    So, if you don’t want to write a book, at least journal and write about your feelings, fears and phobias. Write about your joy, your love, your magnificence, your awesomeness, your gratitude. Just fcken write.

    Here’s what you’ll find will happen. You’ll start learning about what triggers you. What story you believed so that you live like you do now. Who you really are and who you can really be. You’ll find out that you’re on your own personal journey with spirit. Don’t worry about anyone else’s journey … that’s their story. One day when they’re called home, they’ll be asked about their story, not yours. “Think about it: What weakens us is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of our fellow men. Our self Importance requires that we spend most of our lives offended by someone.” Carlos Castaneda

    For me writing helps me get closer to me and to source. The more I shed what’s holding me back, the lighter I feel and I become lighter. I become light. The closer that I get to source, the more I realise that I was created in love, by love, for love. When I look at myself through my creator’s eyes I am in awe of how I am seen … I’m magnificent, masterful and majestic. I’m here for a purpose … to be the change I want to see in the world, to be light, to live, to love, I’m here to keep my heart open to the possibility of it all.

    So are you here … you that shine, love and live. Go full out, figure it out (sooner than later) and become the masterwork you were destined to be.

    Go and write something, even if it is just for yourself. If you need tools, go and look at Julia Cameron’s creative recovery writing tools. Another great tool is Jordan Peterson’s Self Authoring work.

    PS. If you want to put a book out in the world, but you’re scared. Consider this:

    I know that you probably have more writing talent in your left pinkie than I have in my whole body. Don’t get held back just because one person eviscerated your writing (you) on social media. Just because one person said you weren’t good enough (you are enough). Just because one person is hateful (hates themselves). That’s their pain and their story, not yours. Tell your story because it is useful and it will help others find the light the so desperately seek.

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