Have you ever looked at your adult self in the mirror and thought that you’d be further in front?
Recently, when I looked in the mirror it became apparent to me that as hard as I’ve been working on it from a spiritual and emotional perspective, I have been playing small again so that others can feel big. I dumb down my shit so that others don’t feel inadequate (those people video). I deflect so that I don’t rock the status quo. I shut up so that others can be heard (even if they talk the biggest load of shit).
It’s exhausting being so inauthentic. I’m not small. I have a big, brash, fiery, enthusiastic and generous personality. I care deeply enough to do what’s right, even if it disadvantages me. I’m awesome. I’m smart.
I know how to write brilliantly. I’m not a Shakespeare, but I’m at least Charles Bukowski (without the sex, drugs and alcohol).
“This is definitely the best article I’ve read since lockdown. Since ever!” Jeanette de Klerk Smit
My real superpower is seeing the potential in others and inspiring them to reach that potential and helping them market themselves.
So wowed! 15 minutes with Jacques and I feel like a rockstar. I’ve been feeling so insecure about what I’ll do after Unisa, about what marketable skills I really have. One short chat about the LinkedIn profile he’s doing for me, and I suddenly feel like I’ve got the talent, experience and knowledge to build not only a business, but a brand on. Jolene Raison
I’ve been toning my personality down ever since I can remember because it can be too much for some people.
A number of years ago I was involved with the mink and manure set, breathing the same rarified and expensive air as them, and scraping horse shit off my shoes. One had to speak just so, ‘dahling’. It was exhausting hiding my Karoo roots.
On the spiritual path I’m on, everyone is just so zen, soft spoken and courteous. It’s exhausting when I can’t raise my pulse with some enthusiasm and effervescence.
And everyone is woke. I feel that when I open my size 11 mouth, I’m sticking my size 10 foot in it every bloody time.
If I was woke and classified my condition as an affliction, it would be called Social Tourette’s.
My partner, who is super smart and intuitive, put it in perspective for me. She said that my job is to hold my frequency, centre and power. It’s not my job to make people feel better. It’s my job to shine my light.
She said that it’s not my job to be responsible for other people’s success. That’s their journey. My job is to hold my light.
This answers the question for me why I quit as an inspirational speaker. I felt responsible for every audience member’s success. That was not my job as a speaker. I could show them a way that worked for me, and that could be helpful to them. That’s it. What they chose to do with the information was not my business.
“We are not here to fix things, we are here to witness how they work.” Etsko Schuitema.
I’ve come to realise that not everyone has the same register and resonance as me, and that’s ok. They’re not my people. I need to find my people. People who appreciate my talents, my worth and my opinion are my people.
I’ve decided not to drop my standards. I’m not dumbing down my writing. I’m looking for race horses, who, when they don’t understand a word, go and look it up in the dictionary. Those that think the words are too difficult and put down my text … they’re not my peeps.
I’m going to hold my centre, my light and my authenticity. It’s less exhausting and way more exhilarating. I’m never dumbing shit down … it’s a race to mediocrity.
Thank you for holding your frequency and your centre. Shine your light. Vibrate magnificently. I appreciate you.