Category: Sales Decision Thinking

  • The Story You Tell Yourself After Rejection

    The Story You Tell Yourself After Rejection

    Salespeople rarely struggle with rejection.
    They struggle with the story they tell themselves about the rejection.

    As a young salesperson I used to get emotionally triggered by rejection. I was also the undisputed master of inventing stories. A prospect didn’t return my call and I’d construct an entire psychological thriller: they don’t respect me, I sounded stupid, they could hear the nerves in my voice, the deal is dead, my career is probably over.

    None of that had actually happened; the prospect simply hadn’t called back yet.

    But the story felt real. And once the story took hold the emotional reaction followed. Hesitation. Doubt. That slightly desperate tone that creeps into your voice when you need the other person to like you.

    At some point I started noticing how much energy that cycle consumed.

    The shift began in an unlikely place.

    Ancient Rome.

    I started reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. One sentence stopped me cold.

    I must have read it five times.

    “You have power over your mind, not outside events.”

    It stuck with me forever.

    That one idea changed how I experience sales, and if I’m honest, how I experience life. Most of the friction in sales has little to do with the event itself; it comes from the interpretation we attach to the event.

    A prospect says, “Not interested.”

    That’s the fact.

    Everything that follows inside the mind is a story.

    • They think I’m useless
    • I sounded like an amateur
    • I should have said something different

    Salespeople burn emotional energy reacting to stories they invented half a second earlier. The discipline is learning to return to the fact.

    They said no.

    That’s all that actually happened.

    The next question that helped me enormously is equally simple.

    Can I control this?

    You cannot control someone’s mood, their priorities, their budget cycle, or the meeting they have just walked out of before answering your call. Yet salespeople allow all of those things to dictate their emotional state.

    Aurelius would have called that madness.

    Control what is actually yours.

    • Your preparation
    • Your questions
    • Your clarity
    • Your next call

    Everything else is irrelevant.

    Then there is rejection.

    Most salespeople experience rejection as a verdict on themselves: I wasn’t good enough.

    Rejection in sales is rarely a verdict; most of the time it is simply context.

    • Wrong timing
    • Wrong priorities
    • Wrong moment in their day

    Professional salespeople learn to treat rejection the way a scientist treats an experiment.

    Interesting.

    Then they move on.

    There is also a wonderfully practical principle from Dale Carnegie’s book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. When anxiety starts creeping in, he suggests asking a brutally simple question.

    What is the worst that can happen?

    In sales the answer is usually far less dramatic than the mind suggests.

    • The prospect says no
    • The deal doesn’t happen
    • You move on to the next conversation

    That’s it.

    The Stoics practiced a similar exercise long before Carnegie. Each morning they would imagine the worst possible outcome and accept it in advance.

    In sales that might look like this: the deal falls through, the prospect says no, the opportunity disappears.

    And then you recognise something obvious.

    You survive.

    You will still make the next call. You will still speak to the next prospect; the sun will still rise tomorrow morning and the phone will still be there waiting for you.

    Once the mind accepts that rejection is survivable, fear begins to loosen its grip.

    And when that happens, sales becomes a very different game. You stop chasing approval. You stop shrinking when someone pushes back. You stop needing every interaction to go well. You simply do the work.

    • Call
    • Speak
    • Listen
    • Move on

    After a while people notice the difference. You are calmer. Less reactive. Harder to shake. There is a certain authority in someone who is not emotionally dependent on the outcome.

    And oddly enough, that is exactly the kind of person prospects start taking seriously. The moment you stop needing the deal … you start selling properly.

    Because the real battle was never with the prospect.
    It was with the story you were telling yourself.

  • We Need A Villain

    We Need A Villain

    We need a villain.
    Finally, someone has said it.

    Not because we enjoy conflict, but because without contrast, meaning dissolves. We don’t decide who we are in isolation. We decide by drawing a line and saying, “We are this, not that.” When a brand names a clear enemy, ambiguity disappears. Choice becomes simpler. Meaning sharpens. Belonging becomes possible.

    At its best, the enemy is not a person. It’s a problem people are already tired of carrying. Complexity. Noise. Waste. Empty promises. Stand against something specific and you sound like you know what you’re doing. The right people feel relief. “Finally,” they think. “Someone gets it.”

    But this mechanism has a dark edge.

    History shows us what happens when the enemy becomes human. In Rwanda, extremist propaganda framed Hutu as rightful insiders and Tutsi as dangerous outsiders (cockroahes). Complexity collapsed into a moral binary. Fear hardened into identity. Violence was reframed as self-defence.

    Donald Trump’s immigration rhetoric uses a structurally similar mechanism. Citizens are positioned as legitimate insiders, undocumented migrants as threatening outsiders. Complexity is reduced. Boundaries are moralised. Enforcement is framed as protection rather than policy. The mechanism is the same. The consequences are not.

    This is why enemy-based positioning matters for marketing and salesmanship.

    These psychological levers are powerful:

    • Us versus them framing

    • Fear as motivation

    • Identity over evidence

    • Repetition over truth

    In business, these levers can create loyalty.
    In politics, they can consolidate power.
    Unchecked, they can create catastrophe (genocide).

    So there has to be a rule.

    Make the enemy an idea, not a person.

    Brand-safe contrast targets behaviours, beliefs, systems, and ways of working. Never people.

    Unsafe: “We’re better than traditional agencies.”
    Safe: “We don’t believe in bloated retainers and endless decks.”

    The enemy is waste, not agencies.

    Done well, this kind of positioning doesn’t feel aggressive. It feels calm. Grounded. Almost generous. As Seth Godin would say:

    We’re for people who care about doing work that matters, not work that merely looks busy. People who value clarity over noise, progress over posturing, and trust over tactics. This isn’t for everyone. It’s for people like us.

    By the way, this is one of the ideas we’ll be pulling apart properly at my How To Persuade Anybody To Do Almost Anything in-person workshop on 18 February at The Tryst, Kramerville. Find out more.

  • You’re the prize: Sell Without Begging

    You’re the prize: Sell Without Begging

    Most salespeople don’t realise this, but every sales meeting is a small theatre.

    You walk into a room with a complete stranger and, in seconds, the roles are set: judge and defendant, king and beggar, prize and pursuer.

    The tragedy is this: too many salespeople arrive as if they are asking for permission to exist.

    “I really appreciate your time.”
    “I won’t take up much of it.”
    “I just need a chance.”

    These are apologies disguised as sentences.

    If you’ve ever diminished your worth in front of a prospect (or another person for that matter), the article below may be helpful to you.

    You’re The Prize: How To Sell Without Begging

    Stop sounding needy and start sounding equal

    If you sound like you’re begging for approval, the prospect becomes the judge and you become the defendant. That’s a terrible posture for selling.

    I’ve watched too many bad sales meetings in my time.

    Most of the salespeople sound needy, rushed and subordinate. It’s not a good look on anyone, let alone a salesperson.

    What you’re going for is confident, composed and equal.

    What does a needy, rushed and subordinate salesperson sound like?

    “Thanks so much for your time. I really appreciate it.” “I know you’re busy, so I’ll be brief.” “I won’t take up much of your time.”

    These phrases undervalue the meeting, and worse, they undervalue you. You sound disempowered and desperate.

    A Lexicon of Desperation

    • “I’ll do whatever it takes to earn your business.”
    • “Please just give me a chance to prove myself.”
    • “If you’re not happy, I’ll discount it.”
    • “I just need five minutes, I promise.”
    • “I’ll take whatever budget you have.”
    • “Is there anything I can do to convince you?”
    • “I really need this deal.”

    Each of these phrases hands your power over. Therefore, they sound polite, but they’re really apologies in disguise.

    What they’re saying is: “You get to decide my worth. I’m here hoping you approve.”

    That’s not selling. That’s begging.

    A confident salesperson would say this:

    “I’m glad we could both make time for this conversation.”

    Same politeness. Completely different energy. It shows that your time matters too.

    A Lexicon of Confidence

    • “Let’s explore whether this makes business sense for both of us.”
    • “If there’s a fit, great — if not, we can both move on.”
    • “I’m interested to see if this aligns with your goals.”
    • “Let’s look at whether this can genuinely add value.”
    • “I’ll hold the space for a quick decision today.”
    • “If this works, we move forward. If it doesn’t, I’ll trust your judgment.”

    Each one sends a message. “I’m not chasing you. I’m choosing with you.”

    The Psychology Behind It

    I get that we elevate the prospect because we want approval, a deal, a yes, don’t we? We see the prospect as the prize.

    The problem is that when you want something from the prospect – like a sale – you put him in a position of power. The one who can withhold the sale has the power. When you want an outcome, like a sale, it makes you weak because if the prospect says “no”, you lose.

    By the way, every time you and I seek validation/approval/praise from the other, we’re setting ourselves up for failure. The other has the power to withhold the praise, rendering you weak.

    For the humble boasters on social media, there’ll never be enough likes and comments on the planet to validate you and fix that hole in your chest called insecurity.

    So, what if we flip the script and see ourselves as the prize?

    When we do this, we don’t sound needy or desperate. When you see yourself as the prize, you come in as an equal partner in the transaction. You’re not in front of a judge. You are the judge of fit, alignment and mutual benefit.

    You are actually interviewing the prospect to see if he’s a fit for you. Your attitude is:

    “I’m not here to impress you. I’m here to see if we belong in the same story.”

    The truth of it all is that you belong in the room because what you have is valuable to the prospect and can help the prospect become who he wants to be.

    If this resonates, share it with the salespeople who need it. And if you’re tired of sounding needy and want to learn how to sound confident, composed and equal, let’s talk.

  • Are You Really ‘tired’, Or Just Uninspired

    Are You Really ‘tired’, Or Just Uninspired

    Since November, I’ve been hearing the same refrain whispered like a tired prayer: “I’m exhausted.” “I can’t wait for December so I can disappear.” “It’s been a hard year.”

    Some people have already shut down. The doors are closed. The lights are dimmed. They will only awaken again somewhere around 12 January, blinking at the world like owls dragged into daylight. And then they’ll need another two weeks to remember how to move, how to work, how to care. If we are honest, the year only truly begins on 1 February.

    A cynical soul might say some have been sleepwalking through their lives for much longer … marking time until they’re called home forever. A quiet, ghostly waiting.

    What’s going on here?
    What is the difference between being alive on 6 December and being alive on 1 February?
    Nothing physical has changed. The sun rises, the clock ticks, the blood moves through our veins just the same. And yet something — something unseen — has dimmed.

    What’s going on here? I mean, what’s different between being alive on 6 December and 1 February? Nothing has physically changed.

    Let’s do a thought experiment. What if someone stuck a gun to my head: The hammer falls. The shot jams. I live.

    Do you think I’d speak of tiredness? Hell no! I would be inspired to make the most of my second chance. I’d be doing things that are important.

    I would taste air as if it were a feast.
    I would hold my child for the longest time with arms that trembled from gratitude.
    I would dig through old address books like treasure maps, hunting for the friends I had lost to time and carelessness.
    I would mend what had fractured.
    I would cast my petty grievances into the wind.
    I would catch more bass.
    I would play more chess.
    I would write with ink still warm from the heart.
    I would love as if love were a rare and vanishing animal.

    So perhaps “tired” is a ghost word. A convenient cloak. A perception.

    This world — our world — is built out of perception: heaven or hell, city or prison, all constructed in the theatre of the mind.

    I would argue that we are not exhausted.
    We are simply uninspired.

    Because when we are inspired — truly inspired — we do not feel fatigue. We rise. We shine. We burn. We are alive.So being tired might just be an alarm bell warning us that we’re not inspired.

    Do you remember what it felt like to be giddy with love? The world humming, colours bright, the future opening like a book?

    How do we get back to that?
    How do we fall in love again with this miraculous, improbable enterprise called our life?

    If we can solve that, we will move from tired to inspired.
    And inspiration is where we become who we were always meant to be: remarkable.

    The question is simple, and it waits for each of us:

    What would you do differently if tomorrow was a second chance?

  • 🎯 Overcoming Objections: How to Turn “That’s Too Expensive” Into “Let’s Do It”

    🎯 Overcoming Objections: How to Turn “That’s Too Expensive” Into “Let’s Do It”

    Every sales conversation has that moment — the tension point where logic and emotion collide.
    You know it. You’ve been there.

    The prospect leans back, folds their arms, and says,

    “It sounds expensive.”

    And in that instant, most salespeople freeze, defend, or discount.
    But professionals — real persuaders — lean in.
    They know that an objection isn’t rejection.
    It’s reflection.
    It’s your buyer saying, “I’m interested, but uncertain.”

    Welcome to the art of objection handling — where empathy meets influence.

    This is a summary of an hour online Overcoming Objections workshop I recently held. I leaned heavily on Chris Voss for this one as his framework is one of the better ones to handle objections (and all sales for that matter).

    1️⃣ The Hidden Truth: Objections Aren’t the Problem — Your Framing Is

    Chris Voss, former FBI hostage negotiator and author of Never Split the Difference, says it best:

    “Tactical empathy is not sympathy. It’s understanding what’s driving the other side.”

    When you fight an objection, you create resistance.
    When you frame it, you create curiosity.

    An objection isn’t a wall.
    It’s a doorway — but only if you know how to knock.

    2️⃣ The Three Shifts That Change Everything

    If you want to turn objections into opportunities, start here:

    1. Objections = Reflection, not Rejection
      They’re simply mirrors of uncertainty. Your job is to help your buyer see clearly.

    2. Every Objection Is a Buying Signal
      Silence is the killer. When they object, they’re still in the game.

    3. Frame, Don’t Fight
      Reframe objections into conversations about value, not cost.

    3️⃣ The Chris Voss Stack: Mirroring, Labeling & No-Oriented Questions

    Let’s use the classic one:

    “It’s too expensive.”

    Here’s how to turn it into a productive conversation.

    Mirror:

    “…expensive?”
    (Pause. Tilt your head. Let them elaborate.)

    Label:

    “It sounds like you’re not sure the return justifies the spend.”

    Encourage:

    “Help me understand — what part feels most expensive? The price? The risk? The unknowns?”

    No-Oriented Question:

    “Would it be a ridiculous idea to explore how this could save you more than it costs?”

    Find the Black Swan:

    “What would make this feel like a smart investment instead of a risky one?”

    Reframe:

    “It seems the real question isn’t price — it’s whether it’s worth it. What would have to be true for it to absolutely be worth it?”

    Control:

    “How do you see us making this work in a way that feels fair for both of us?”

    Every one of these steps builds trust without pressure.
    And trust is the only real close.

    4️⃣ Silence Isn’t Awkward. It’s Leverage.

    Most of us panic when a prospect goes quiet.
    But silence isn’t rejection — it’s processing.

    Try this:

    “It seems like you’re not saying much right now.”

    Then pause.
    Don’t fill the gap.

    Eventually, they’ll respond. Often with honesty.

    Follow with:

    “Would it be a ridiculous idea to put the slides away and just talk through what’s on your plate — no pitch?”

    That question alone turns resistance into dialogue.

    5️⃣ Proposals, Timing & “Hot Cognition”

    Here’s why so many proposals die in inboxes:

    When you’re in the room, you’re in hot cognition — emotion, energy, connection.
    Three days later, when they read your proposal, they’re in cold cognition — logic, analysis, price.

    That’s when you get ghosted.

    The fix?

    • Send your proposal quickly, while the connection’s still warm.

    • Lead with their problems and desired outcomes.

    • Put your company info last.

    And stop calling it a “proposal.”
    It’s a scope of work — something that happens after they’ve said yes in principle.

    6️⃣ The Mindset Shift: You Are the Prize

    Most salespeople approach prospects cap in hand:

    “Thank you for your valuable time…”

    Stop.

    You are the guide. The mentor. The safe pair of hands that leads your client over the finish line.

    So when you meet, say:

    “This conversation is about seeing if there’s a fit — for both of us.”

    That’s confidence, not arrogance.
    And buyers feel it instantly.

    7️⃣ Practice in the Shallows, Not in the Deep End

    If you want to get great at handling objections and sales, practice on your old leads — the “dead” list.
    Mess up there, not with your hot pipeline.

    Role-play with your team.
    Record your calls.
    Track what works.

    Remember: mastery lives in repetition.

    8️⃣ Quick Win: The “By Now” Close

    Just before you ask for the commitment, try this:

    “By now, you can see the benefits of working together…”

    “By now” acts as a subtle hypnotic cue for “buy now.”
    Then close confidently.

    9️⃣ The Summary Playbook

    Mirror → Label → Encourage → No-Oriented → Black Swan → Reframe → Control

    Combine that with:

    • 80/20 talk time (they talk 80%)

    • 30 minutes of discovery before pitching

    • Stacking small yeses (each one lowers resistance)

    …and you’ll transform objections into open doors.

    10️⃣ The Final Thought

    Objections are proof of interest.
    They’re not a wall to climb — they’re a bridge to cross.

    Every “No” is really a “Not yet.”
    Every “That’s too expensive” is really “I’m not sure it’s safe.”
    And every time you listen instead of defend, you build a little more trust.

    “You don’t rise to the occasion; you fall to your level of preparation.” — Chris Voss

    So prepare.
    Role-play.
    Get in the arena.
    And remember — your calm curiosity will always outclose your clever rebuttals.

  • The Map No Longer Matches The Territory

    The Map No Longer Matches The Territory

    Some sales teams work incredibly hard.
    Early mornings. Late nights. Relentless activity.
    They hit the phones, they send the emails, they follow the scripts.

     

    And still… the results fall short.

     

    Not because they don’t care. Not because they’re lazy.
    But because they’re following a map that no longer matches the territory.

     

    The rules of selling were written for a world that no longer exists.
    A world where buyers had less information, fewer choices, and nowhere to hide.
    In that world, whoever shouted the loudest usually won.
    Scripts worked. Scarcity sold. Pressure closed.

     

    But that world is gone.

     

    Today, buyers are armed. They’re connected. They trust their peers more than your pitch deck.
    They scroll past loud messages, they ghost hard sellers, and they disappear at the first whiff of desperation.

     

    The game changed. But the playbook didn’t.

     

    Managers see the numbers slipping and do what they’ve always done: they push harder.
    More activity. More pressure. More of the same.

     

    But no amount of “more” can fix a paradigm mismatch.
    If the ladder is leaning against the wrong wall, climbing faster doesn’t help.

     

    I call it the Hard Sell Industrial Complex — a system built on KPIs, funnels, and scripts that once worked brilliantly… and now actively erode trust.
    It’s comfortable, because it’s familiar.
    It’s measurable, because it’s linear.
    And it’s wrong for the moment we’re in.

     

    The real opportunity isn’t to push harder inside this outdated system.
    It’s to build a new one.

     

    One that starts not with scripts, but with service.
    Not with chasing, but with earning.


    Not with predatory attention, but with receptive attention — the kind you get when you say something that matters, to people who want to hear it.

     

    This isn’t about being “softer.” It’s about being smarter.
    It’s about meeting buyers where they are, not where your CRM says they should be.
    It’s about shifting from hard selling to heart selling — where trust becomes the strategy, not the side effect.

     

    The companies that make this shift will sell more, faster, and with less friction.
    But more importantly, they’ll build something rare: a reputation buyers lean into, not run away from.

     

    The real opportunity isn’t to work harder inside a broken system — it’s to design a better game.

    So… what would happen if your team stopped chasing attention and started earning it?

  • Should you become a better writer than a speaker?

    Should you become a better writer than a speaker?

    [Substitute ‘speaker’ for your profession].

    This post could also have been titled: Is SEO Dead? (Maybe the SEO gurus can weigh in here).

    I don’t know about you, but I’m getting less and less enquiries off my website. Five years ago, I would get around four a month, now I’m lucky if I get one every two months.

    I relied totally on my SEO abilities to get my website seen, and it worked, until it didn’t. In my space (sales optimisation), the keyword ‘sales training’ gets around 120 searches a month, down from 400+ years ago. With more than 50 ‘sales trainers’ vying for a valuable clickthrough, there’s not much chance of most people getting business.

    Why are the searches less? I can’t say, but I can guess. AI! More people are typing their searches into ChatGPT and other AI tools, and not searching the web. I’m doing it, and I’m getting more accurate information almost instantly.

    I thought I’d type this into ChatGPT: Who is a great copywriter in South Africa? My professional speaking colleague and friend Tiffany Markman was the only one to come up.

    Why? Because she is a prolific and consistent content creator, and has been creating interesting and relevant content for years.

    So, should you be a better writer (and a more prolific one) than a speaker [your profession]? Damn straight… if you want to feature on AI, and attract more queries, that is.

    Go on, type in your question about your field into https://chatgpt.com/. If you’re not there, then you have work to do: Create content, and lots of it.

    🍰 ⋆ 🍧 🎀 𝒯𝒾𝒻𝒻𝒶𝓃𝓎 𝑀𝒶𝓇𝓀𝓂𝒶𝓃 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝓃🌸𝓉 𝒽𝓊𝓇𝓉 𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝓇𝒾𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 ☯𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝒶𝓇𝓉𝒾𝒸𝓁𝑒. 🎀 🍧 ⋆ 🍰

    The image is an AI-generated pop art version of Tiffany Markman from one of her posts on LinkedIn.

    If you’re looking for sales training in South Africa, reach out to me. See, I’m putting ‘sales training’ in as a keyword to see if I can attract AI and search engines. Let’s see if it works.

  • Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself

    Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself

    “Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself” by Dr. Joe Dispenza examines the connections between neuroscience, quantum physics, and personal growth. This book explains how our thoughts influence our reality and offers practical strategies for personal change.

    I’m a big fan of Dr. Joe Dispenza’s work. Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself gave me some wonderful insights. I recommend it to my delegates who attend my sales training interventions.
    I used AI to generate this brief summary so that you can figure out if you want to read it too.

    Key Concepts and Principles

    1. The Relationship Between Thoughts and Reality

    Dr. Dispenza posits that our thoughts have a direct impact on our physical reality. He argues that:

    • Our repetitive thoughts and emotions create neural pathways in the brain.
    • These neural pathways influence our perception and behavior, creating a feedback loop.
    • By changing our thoughts, we can literally rewire our brains and, consequently, our reality.

    2. The Science Behind Changing Habits

    The author delves into the neuroscientific basis of habit formation and change:

    • Habits are formed through repetitive thoughts and behaviours that create strong neural connections.
    • Breaking habits requires disrupting these neural patterns and creating new ones.
    • The concept of neuroplasticity supports the idea that we can change our brains at any age.

    3. The Quantum You

    Dispenza introduces quantum physics principles to explain personal transformation:

    • At the quantum level, infinite possibilities exist simultaneously.
    • Our observations and intentions can shape the outcomes of quantum events.
    • By aligning our thoughts, emotions, and intentions, we can harness quantum possibilities to create positive changes in our lives.

    Practical Techniques for Personal Transformation

    Dr. Dispenza outlines several techniques for implementing change:

    1. Meditation: A cornerstone of his approach, used to:
    • Break the cycle of repetitive thoughts and emotions
    • Access the subconscious mind
    • Visualize and embody desired outcomes
    1. Mental Rehearsal: Vividly imagining desired outcomes to:
    • Create new neural pathways
    • Align thoughts and emotions with future goals
    1. Body-Part Method: A technique to:
    • Increase body awareness
    • Release stored emotions in different body parts
    1. Blessing of the Energy Centers: A practice to:
    • Balance and activate the body’s energy centres (chakras)
    • Promote overall well-being and alignment
    1. Creating a New Personality: A holistic approach involving:
    • Identifying limiting beliefs and behaviours
    • Consciously choosing new thoughts and emotions
    • Consistently practising new ways of being

    Notable Examples and Case Studies

    Dr. Dispenza reinforces his theories with several compelling examples:

    1. The Placebo Effect: He cites studies where patients experienced real physiological changes simply through belief, demonstrating the power of mind over matter.
    2. Personal Transformation Stories: The book includes accounts of individuals who have overcome chronic illnesses, addictions, and limiting beliefs using Dispenza’s methods.
    3. The Quantum Double-Slit Experiment: This famous physics experiment is used to illustrate how observation affects reality at the quantum level, drawing parallels to personal transformation.
    4. Brain Imaging Studies: Dispenza references neuroimaging studies showing how meditation and focused intention can alter brain activity and structure.

    In conclusion, “Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself” presents a powerful synthesis of cutting-edge science and ancient wisdom. Dr. Joe Dispenza offers readers a comprehensive roadmap for personal transformation, grounded in the understanding that our thoughts and intentions have the power to reshape our neural pathways and, ultimately, our lives. By mastering the techniques outlined in this book, individuals can break free from limiting habits and beliefs, tapping into their innate potential for growth and change.

    “Breaking the Habit of Being You” showcases the remarkable flexibility of the human brain and our untapped potential. It challenges readers to step beyond their comfort zones and embrace a new paradigm of self-directed evolution, where the power to change lies squarely in our own hands – or more accurately, in our own minds.

    If you’re interested in reading more about Dr. Joe Dispenza on this site, check out this article.

  • Find Something To Fail At

    Find Something To Fail At

    Jacques de Villiers – writing quest: Article 50/365

    Imagine that you’re a contender in a game called life and that the world is your gymnasium. We’ve been taught that our job is to play the game to win.

    I don’t know about you, but I haven’t been winning at business, love and life a lot lately. And winning is a Sisyphean endeavour for most of us. Because most of us perceive ourselves to be empty and need to be filled. When we start from emptiness instead of gratitude, nothing we do or have will ever feel like enough.

    “No amount of zeros at the end of your pay cheque can fill that hole in your chest called insecurity.”

    Sheikh Ebrahim Schuitema

    I changed my view of winning at the game about 10 years ago. This shift in perception helped me contend in the game differently. It has been helpful to me, and it may be helpful to you.

    It started with a story that Sheikh Ebrahim Schuitema told about walking up a mountain. “You can describe a person walking in two ways.  You can either say he’s walking to get to the top of the mountain.  Or you can say the top of the mountain is his means to have a good walk. 

    If there wasn’t a good challenge, he wouldn’t have a good walk.  And the real product of a good walk isn’t that the top of the mountain gets achieved. The real product is that the walker becomes stronger and better at walking.” 

    So, what’s the real point of any endeavour, be it starting a business, getting married or creating art? For me the point is not winning but transformation.

    The only point of a gymnasium is the athlete, the one who is playing. One doesn’t do things to achieve things, one does them to do them well. It’s a shift from outcome to process.

    Because it’s only in the blood and guts of the process that we truly transform. If everything were easy and everything we touched turned to gold, there’d be no transformation, only hedonism.

    I’d argue that all of us fail more than we win. Shattered marriages, failed friendships, broken children, failed businesses and unmet expectations are chronicles of our defeats. If we had to base the success of our lives on our wins, we’d all be in a very sad place indeed.

    Should we say, what’s the point of playing the game and contending if I’m going to lose more than I win?

    Of course not. 

    The purpose of any endeavour is not the endeavour. The purpose of any endeavour is to turn us into more conscious, eloquent and awesome human beings. To bring us to the truth of who we are; masterpieces creating master-works.

    Why don’t you and I go find another endeavour to fail at?  

    It’s only a game, after all. 

    And, it’s a game that’s stacked in our favour.

  • Spiritual Lessons From Beggars

    Spiritual Lessons From Beggars

    Jacques de Villiers – writing quest: Article 47/365

    I’m that guy. When I see that the robot is red I slow down so that I can catch it as it turns green. All in the effort to avoid the beggar. And, if I am confronted by the beggar (damn you red robot), I do that verkakte, patronising shrug and mouth, “Sorry, no money.”

    Don’t get me started on shopping centre car guards. I’ve been known to leopard-crawl to my car to avoid being seen by one. I close my car door quietly and slink low into my driver’s seat. God forbid I alert the Velociraptor, and he chases me down.

    Now I know that you’re not as crass, cruel and cowardly as me. You’re probably kind, courteous and generous. This article’s not for you.

    My white guilt and privilege smacks me around the head. I feel sorry and sympathetic. I’m pissed off at a country that has allowed this travesty to happen for reasons we are all aware of. But, mostly, I’m irritated at the beggar/car guard for making me feel shit. 

    I don’t feel shit any more after coming across a story by Carlos Castaneda. He was sitting with his spiritual teacher, the Yaqui shaman, Don Juan Matus at a restaurant in Mexico. They watched as beggars took scraps off the table after the patrons left. Don Juan asks Castaneda if he felt sorry for the beggars. Castaneda affirmed. Don Juan then asked him if he felt superior to them. Sheepishly, he affirmed this too. Then Don Juan asks him, “What makes you think that they haven’t found the path before you?”

    Damn right. When it comes to matters of the soul, it doesn’t matter if you’re a CEO or a street sweeper. We’re held to account equally. All that matters is how you conducted yourself here.

    Have you ever asked, “Where are you God?” The answer will probably be, “I am here begging in front of you. I’m helping you reverse your car out of the parking space.” So, basically, he’s everywhere. This effectively means we should always be in a state of awe and gratitude every second of the day. 

    And, if like me, you believe that we signed a soul contract of how we are going to show up in this world, then the beggar is where he is supposed to be. I appreciate being given a chance to show compassion and empathy, and to feel grateful that he is also participating in this game. 

    He shows me my frailty. My vanity. My shame. My guilt. My anger. My kindness. My compassion. My love. He’s just doing his job. He’s allowing me to look at things that trigger me negatively so that I can let go of them. And, he’s allowing me to be generous and kind. And, most of all, he’s allowing me to see God in all his glory.

    So, nowadays, when I don’t have money to give (or even if I do), I look at the beggar and think, “Wow my friend, you’ve chosen a hard path to play your part. It’s not a path I would have liked to sign up for. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to show you compassion and love. “I wish you abundance, today.”

    “Thank you, God, for showing yourself at the robot today.”

    We are all here for a purpose. Let’s honour that and play our role out to the best of our ability.