Author: Jacques de Villiers

  • An Issue of Control

    An Issue of Control

    One of the biggest things I struggle with as I traverse this spiritual journey, is the concept of submitting to a higher power and relinquishing control of this entire endeavour.

    If it was only about submitting some things and keeping control of some things, then it would be easy. Who doesn’t want someone else to deal with one’s burdens, and take credit for one’s successes?

    The challenge is that we are told to submit and give up control of everything to a higher power.

    In Sufism we call it fanā (فناء‎ ) – basically, the annihilation of the human ego before God.

    I don’t know about you, but I find it hard to surrender my ego and my identity that I’ve worked so hard on consciously creating. Although, being a LinkedIn profile writer, is probably not the highest thing I could shoot for now, is it? In my youth I shot for philosopher … LinkedIn profile writer feels like settling (and, settling for anything that is not the highest expression of myself feels like hell).

    A friend of mine said the other day, “Surrendering feels like loss.” I think she’s right, it does feel like loss.

    Of the four things that underly any worthwhile pursuit … security, power/status, fulfilment and harmony, status is the biggest driver for most of us. And, that’s a race to the bottom, I tell you. Trying to impress anyone is an exercise in futility because it leaves one weakened, insecure, dissatisfied and disillusioned in the final analysis.


    All paths lead to nowhere, so find a path with heart. Carlos Castaneda


    The antidote to status is to:

    • Submit because you and I have no control of the outcomes (Covid is testament to this).
    • Be in awe and gratitude that we get to play here for a little while.
    • Do meaningful work so that we can become masterworks and make this life a masterpiece.

      We really are the point of it all. This story you’re living has been written to enchant you. Just by being born we have more than is our due. This means that we’re in overtime every day. Let’s just make the most of our life, and enjoy it for what it is.

      A gift.

      A moment in time.

      A miracle.

      No amount of money in your bank account can fill that hole in your chest called insecurity. Etsko Schuitema


      Let’s do something that scares us today … let’s be grateful, in awe and be present.

  • I don’t get to sit at the grownups table

    I don’t get to sit at the grownups table

    I really appreciate you. I appreciate that you give up of your time to read my pieces of text. They’re often not easy to read, because you can see my internal struggle with my existential crises. Sometimes I think reading my stuff must be like watching a train wreck happening, and being powerless to do anything about it.

    But, you’re still here, so perhaps you like wroeging with me. Perhaps my struggles mirror your own. You get that this is no ordinary blog post, and if you’re getting it, you’re meant to be getting it. Maybe you and I can ‘get it’ together.

    I’m not sure if it is because the planets are in retrograde, but I’m feeling unsettled (more so than usual), unmoored and uneasy.

    My finances have been unsettling the fuck out of me. It’s either feast or famine with me. Do you ever feel like that?

    To that end, I decided to go for a kinesiology session with intuitive healer, Estelle Kapp.

    Jinne tog, it was a mind bending, heart-wrenching and soul-affirming experience. I had to risk knowing myself so that I could manifest my desire. I got through the crucible somewhat changed, and a bit more settled despite the retrograding planets’ best intentions to unsettle me.

    I came in with the question: Why do I have money blocks?

    It turns out that I don’t have a money issue, I have a self-loathing issue. WTF. It turns out that I live to punish myself. I thought I lived for roast lamb and potatoes. Talk about being confused.

    Here’s what came up.

    1. I sabotage myself by thinking that it’s not ok for me to be spiritual (take that you Sufi wannabe). I even wrote a book about my spiritual journey.
    2. It’s not ok for me to have a place among grownups and to succeed. What the hell do I do with that? Why can’t I sit at the grownups table?
    3. It turns out that I’m also a ‘lost child’ which stems from a dysfunctional, abusive family life. I merge into the background to protect myself. I play small so that others feel big. I hide my light so that others can shine. I even shot a short video about that called Those People. Ironically, it wasn’t about ‘those people’, but about me.
    4. Most telling of all, because I feel that I couldn’t protect my mother, I’ve become the quintessential rescuer.

    None of these are good things, I tell you. But at least they’re out in the open, and revealed to me. Now I can do something about them.

    What’s the point of exposing the inner workings of my brain, heart and soul to you?

    I’m not really sure. Maybe it’s a cautionary tale for you that not everything is as it appears. Maybe you don’t have money issues, relationship issues or health issues. For me, it’s self-loathing, for you it might be something else.

    It may just be worth exploring because once you cut through the Gordian Knot of unsolvable pain, and unblock what holds you back, you have a semblance of a chance of manifesting your deepest desires. Who knows?

    You’re the Job.

  • I’m burnt out …

    I’m burnt out …

    Apparently burnout is the disease (dis ease) of our age, and it’s a verifiable affliction.

    I don’t know about you, but for me there are days that I find difficult to get through. Everything is a schlep, difficult and dull. There are days when I want to boomerang my mobile off the wall and blow it all up. The lot. Sometimes I feel as if I have burnout.

    My adrenal glands are pumping goodness knows what into my system (ok, smart ass … I know it’s adrenaline), and it makes me feel quite ill. These are the days that I wish someone would take this burden off me. These are the days that the Snub Nose 38’s siren song beckons to me, bringing me the promise of peace.

    Luckily I listened to this discourse below, and it gave me enough insight to stave off burnout.

    My spiritual preceptor, Shaykh Ebrahim Schuitema gave a discourse which put my questions about burnout into context. It was most helpful for me. It may be helpful to you.

    Why is it that some people can work very hard for extended periods of time. I mean really hard. Be sleep-deprived. Work as exhausting hours as another person, and yet they don’t get burnt out. Why do some people get burnt out, and other people don’t? It occurs to me that this really has something to do not with the work itself, but with what goes on inside one.

    Burnout is an intent problem

    The root of the problem comes from the whole idea of resources. We are so used to thinking about the world in terms of resources.

    We even think of people as resources, hence a human resources department. The word resource has dominated our economic thinking. It stands to reason that a resource gets consumed.

    We have conditional motives, and we consume something to get something. Examine the structure of any conditional motive. We do something to get something. I am a resource, and the degree to which I treat myself as a resource to get an outcome, is the degree to which I will deplete myself and eventually burn myself out. I literally consume myself.

    Now this becomes really obvious when you think about basic things. How is it that one day you can find exactly the same activity completely exhausting, and on another day you find it nourishing?

    Lug your carcass up the mountain

    Like walking up a mountain, for instance. Sometimes the walk is unmitigated hell. You’re just suffering walking up the mountain, and you are having to lug your carcass in order to get to the top of the mountain. And when you’re walking like that – in order to get to the top of the mountain – if there’s a rock, you’re going to fall over it. If there’s a bush we’re going to walk through it, you’re going to get yourself injured and bruised. Why? Because all your attention is on the top of the mountain, and you’re trying to get over the hurdle of what’s in front of you to get there.

    If you’re doing something in order to get there, you’re basically being discourteous to the immediate. It’s a discourtesy to what’s in front of you because you push your way through it.

    Of course, there’s another way to walk up the mountain. And, that is actually to walk in order to enjoy the walk. And that means that your motive has inverted.

    Give the moment you’re in the courtesy its due.

    I’m not walking to get to the top of the mountain, the top of the mountain is my means to have a good walk.

    There’s a shift of my attention from what I’m trying to get to what I’m doing. In a sense I’m giving into the moment that I’m in.

    We’ve all had this. Why is it that sometimes you suffer on a journey, and exactly the same journey, and another time, you find it a pleasure? You suffer the journey when you’re in a hurry to get to the destination. Then the journey becomes a thing of affliction and misery that you have to suffer through to get to the outcome that you want.

    You could enjoy the journey, give attention to the things that are passing you and so on. And then, strangely, you get to the outcome faster.

    And, you’re not exhausted yourself in the process of getting there. So this thing about doing things to get somewhere else, giving in order to get (conditional motive). That’s the thing that exhausts you. It is not the journey. It’s not the action. It is not what sits in the outer world. It’s what sits in the inside of your inner space. It is the structure of your intent that depletes you. Anything that you do from the point of view of doing it in order to achieve something else and to get somewhere else, will exhaust you.

    Studying is an excellent example. Some people are good students, because they love studying. Those people are nourished by study. Other people suffer studying in order to get through the exam. That studying exhausts, depletes and makes them hostile to the experience of studying. So, if you think about it, the life of the student is studying, and there’s the outcome of the examination, and the degree.

    If you’re using the outcome, the examination, as an opportunity to really focus your studying so that you can study well, then studying becomes pleasurable. But if studying is the thing that you have to suffer to get the degree, then you destroy yourself in the process. You deplete yourself in the process, and it’s not inconceivable for a student to get burnout.

    Do the thing to do it well.

    This single insight is such a deep indictment of how many parents deal with the whole issue of their children. “You must get a degree. You must sell your life to the slavers so that you can become useful to the system.” And then we’re surprised that we produce people, who, in their 40s start to have midlife crises, mess around, and leave their spouses. We start having extreme stress problems because we manufacture those people with these insane demands of having to comply. You have to understand that the problem of this disease of consuming yourself is not just doing things for selfish ends.

    So if I reflect back on a period that I spent on a mine that I found very depleting. Why is this? Well, there were a host of issues. I had the naive belief that I could actually be useful to the client. So there was an outcome for the mine that I had in mind. I was also there, truth be told, because I had real financial responsibilities, so I had to earn money. I don’t think I would have taken nearly the amount of nonsense I got from that client if there wasn’t an anxiety about money. I was also there, because I was concerned about the rest of the team that I was leading on that client’s side.

    So most of those reasons weren’t actually selfish. They were quite benign. But I was going to the mine in order to achieve an outcome. I wasn’t going to the mine to enjoy the work. Now I’m not saying that one shouldn’t achieve an outcome. We’re not on this path for absolute hedonism. The trick is to do the work to do it well. It’s an onerous burden if you think, “I’ve got to get through in order to earn my keep here.” You could also say, “Well, how can I turn this into a pleasurable experience?”

    Anything done in the spirit of doing it in order to do it well, is a pleasurable experience. Don’t just do things to get through getting them done, this will definitely consume you and exhaust you. Rather ritualise your life. Everything has its courtesy. In other words, you do the thing to do it well, to be eloquent. Don’t do things just to get them done. When you do that, you consume yourself in the process.

    You’re the Job.

    Jacques

    ☞ó ͜つò☞ Check out what I’m getting up to. If you’re a lightworker or earth angel, you should definitely check it out.

  • I go to the gymnasium every day

    I go to the gymnasium every day

    When I turned 50, I decided to show up in the world differently. I wanted to show up fitter, positively, kinder, loving, lovable and accessible.

    So, I decided to work on myself and went to gym.

    The prime motive being to become the full expression of my soul.

    I set up the following a protocol of exercises to achieve this.

    Here’s the workout, you’re welcome to use it:

    1. Physical. This body has been gifted to you for a short time to carry your soul, treasure it. Treat it with the respect it deserves. Feed it good nutrition if you can afford to. Exercise it. Don’t put toxins in it. Be kind to it.
    2. Mental. Your brain is the most essential part of your body. Use it, that’s what it is meant there for. Don’t be scared to stretch it and fill it. Stretch it with delightful, enchanting and energising thoughts. Fill it with the knowledge of the ages. Feed it right so that when you move across the river Styx, it’s as lucid as the day you were born. Nourish it with these genius foods: Olive oil, eggs, dark chocolate (85%+), salmon, grass-fed beef, avocado and blueberries.
    3. Emotional. Show up like a grown up. Give every situation it’s due. Act appropriately in every situation. Know when to be kind and know when to be courageous. Open your heart to everybody and treat them with kindness. But be courageous too … call them on their bullshit, selfishness, delusion, slothfulness, avarice, ego and pride. That’s the only way they’ll grow.
    4. Security. If you have a job or a business, and have people relying on you, show up like a grown up here too. Take this piece seriously. Your soul battles to express itself fully, if you’re insecure, uncertain, unfulfilled, disillusioned and disappointed. This world is benign to you. It is set up to serve you, enchant you and enlighten you. You’re the point of this entire endeavour. So, let it do its work. But you have to show up and do the work too.
    5. Relationships. Ultimately, we’re all looking for connection. Don’t be a doos. Just be a decent human. Once you get that you’re not here for you but for the other, this entire endeavour works better. Don’t go into any relationship for what you can get out of it. Always go into a relationship for what you can give. Don’t take your wounding out on others. We know that hurt people hurt people. Don’t be that person. Stop trying to fix others. They’ll do fine without your input. Rather mind your own business and focus on fixing yourself. There’s enough work there to last you several lifetimes, I promise you.
    6. Community. You’re in a cohort of souls. Tread lightly here. What you do has consequences. What you do matters. What you say has power. Your character is revealed in how you treat small men, and not how you treat big men that you think can move your agenda forward. God is in everyone. When you dismiss anyone, you dismiss God. Don’t take your standing in this world too seriously. When Charon takes you across the river Styx to the underworld, you’re not going to be able to cash in your status, influence and power to get you out of his boat. He’s immovable. When the book of your life is read back to you by the angel, be you a president or a pauper, you’ll be held to account equally. So, don’t take yourself too seriously, seriously.

    I run my life through the filter of these six workouts every day so that I can navigate this gymnasium that has been built for me, with elegance, eloquence and courtesy.

    I’ve got to tell you, I’ve still got a shitload of work to make this endeavour work. The only thing I have got going in my favour is that I’m committed to consistently showing up at the gymnasium and working out.

    Do you want to join me? It’s not easy, but I think it’s worth it. 

  • Where do you put your punctuation point?

    Where do you put your punctuation point?

    Some of my friends are earth angels, lightworkers, philosophers, shamans and spiritual preceptors.

    Some of them wrestle with doing good in the world and charging for it. And, some charge, but battle to charge like grown-ups or give friends and rates to everyone. Perhaps I should shut up about that since I’m a textbook rescuer and guilty on all counts (sometimes).

    Sometimes this leaves them poor financially.

    Some of my friends are hard-nosed, realists, cynics, hedonists, hard-charging, goal-driven, in-the-world, those who die with the most toys win, A-types. They have no problem making a shit ton of money.

    Sometimes this leaves them short-changed in the meaning department.

    Some of my friends have hit the Goldilocks spot between function and meaning. Those are the ones I want to learn from.

    In this instance, a discourse by Shaykh Ebrahim Schuitema, a Sufi Teacher from the Darqawi-Shadhiliya Tariqa gives us something to work with so that we can navigate these two opposites elegantly and eloquently.

    He explores the theme that’s associated with understanding the difference between predatory and receptive attention.

    One must be careful not to be too moralistic about the distinction between predatory and receptive attention, because human beings are predators. We do have eyes like any predator. And if you take that capacity out, then you basically, fundamentally disable a human being.

    So, there’s a part to us which is about action, which is about goal-directedness, which is about achieving outcomes, which is really part of our constitution and our nature.

    Just as there’s a part of our being, which is about perceiving, which is about seeing what’s coming towards us and experiencing things, and we call that part of our soul’s receptive attention.

    All human beings have both predatory attention and receptive attention.

    The concern isn’t that one should compete and disable the one in favour of the other. The issue is that in our current culture, predatory attention is overused. And as a result, people experience lives that are less nourishing than what they can be.

    If you’re absolutely goal directed and everything you’re doing is about an outcome, and you’re chasing outcomes the whole time, you forget to sniff the flowers on the way and experiences that you have on the way, pass you by. Because you’re not open to them, you’re not letting them in.

    However, if you completely abandon all outcomes you don’t get anywhere either. If you don’t have somewhere you’re walking to, there aren’t flowers to pass. So you need an outcome, but the issue is what is primarily the outcome of the process and our journey. Our path is about incrementally, very deliberately becoming more concerned with the process of outcome.

    And that is simultaneously, then, developing a greater capacity for receptive attention rather than predatory attention.

    One must understand this is about life quality, then it’s also not about making war on our capacity to be predatory, but to see this rather as a foreground and background issue. In other words, what do you make significant? What do you make worthy of your attention?

    Don’t make the outcome the point, make the process the point.

    You can’t have a process if you don’t have an outcome, so I’m not arguing that you get rid of the goal, but you don’t make that the point. You make doing the thing well the point, and then you’re nourished by what you’re doing.

    This also then translates into how one experiences one’s life. When a person’s attention is primarily predatory in character, your attention is really that you’re very concerned with functional stuff, you’re sort of doing stuff to get stuff. You’re making things work, whereas when your attention is receptive, you’re much more concerned with appreciating, rather than making things work. 

    Receptive attention is really the attention that is concerned with meaning and predatory attention is concerned with function.

    If you want a meaningful life, then this is not about achieving huge amounts of things. People consider that having achievement is producing a meaningful life. Well, not so, I mean you have somebody who decides that they need three degrees, and their life becomes meaningful once they have the PhD. They get the PhD, and then they throw themselves off the top of the building because they discovered the same miserable wretch woke up the day after getting capped with the degrees.

    So a meaningful life is not about outcomes, a meaningful life is about appreciating things and seeing the meaning of what’s coming towards you.

    Our lives need both function and meaning when you’re on this path. The average person’s pursuit is concerned with function. We’re concerned with paying the bills, feeding the family putting our kids through school, getting some retirement money. That’s what’s called making things work.

    When you’re on this path you’re not trying to make things not work, but you’re not making the working the point, in fact you might spend the same amount of time in either activity.

    It’s what you emphasise. Well, what do we mean by this distinction between function and meaning? Clearly, Salah (Muslim prayer) is about meaning. It’s about shutting up, stopping, giving up and allowing the world to come to you so that you can read the text. Although we’re not doing the reading, as much as cultivating the quietude, that enables us to read what Allah’s bringing to us.

    And then there’s action. There’s a need to do stuff, such as being functional.

    You’ll be making business … going to work, feeding the kids and paying the bond. This is as it should be.

    The issue isn’t that you shouldn’t have both, the issue is, which one do you make the punctuation point of your life

    So, one way of saying it is to say that the purpose of my day is to do the work that’s required of me, and on occasion, I’ll look up, and realise that it’s time for Salah. That’s when you’ve been very functional in your approach to life.

    If I’m trying to have a meaningful life, the Salah is actually the purpose of my day; that’s what gets the emphasis.

    One of the attributes of the distinction between predatory and receptive attention is that when your attention is predatory, you have to work very hard to achieve outcomes, precisely because the more you chase them, the more elusive they become. Like when a buck flees from a lion. So the outcome runs away from you.

    When your attention is receptive, outcomes come towards you. Which means to say, in a very paradoxical way, when you commit to practice, when you make the rest of your day fit around your Salah, not the other way around, the rest of your day goes extraordinarily easily, and you achieve the most extraordinary outcomes, you become super functional.

    So, it is inaccurate to say, “I’m too busy to pray.”

    You have a hard life. When you have a functional life, you have a life that is about grind, about earning your keep by the sweat of your brow.

    You have a life of ease when you experience the world as your benefactor and your ally.

    (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞ If you want to receive similar texts to your inbox, sign up to them here. I send one out every Wednesday.

  • One swallow doth not a summer maketh

    One swallow doth not a summer maketh

    Nee, my fok Marelize, I am so done with these experts and gurus coming off the mountain like Moses and giving us the definitive answers to our problems.

    Everyone has an answer to life, love and the universe, and LinkedIn, it appears.

    Many of these experts got a luck shot, that had little to do with their own ingenuity.

    That’s ok. We all need a break, don’t we? But then to turn that luck shot into a business or philosophy, is a cheap shot. They claim that this is the process that’s going to change our lives, make us money and make us successful.

    WTF, it’s not a process. As Aristotle said, “One swallow doth not a summer make.” One success does not maketh a system. Granted, if you vigorously tested the system and got an 80%+ success rate, then it might be a system, and something you could vigorously argue could work.

    I once got a training deal for two days. They paid me R250 000.00 I almost had a heart attack. I was incredulous, “Who pays that kind of money?” I had to phone my bestie, Stef du Plessis who is used to earning a year’s salary in a day, to talk me off the ledge.

    But it was such a luck shot, and it never happened again. But I didn’t turn it into a system and say this is how to get big deals in speaking and training, and become a speaking coach. Because that would just be deceitful, wouldn’t it?

    And, you all know where I am now, don’t you? I’d talk at the opening of an envelope, but I can’t even crack that. So I write LinkedIn profiles. That’s a long way from my dream of becoming a philosophy professor at Stellenbosch University, or even a half decent speaker.

    But writing books and LinkedIn profiles is also a random piece of serendipity. I went to an uptight English high school that smashed the Karoo Afrikaans out of me and taught me passable English. Had it not been from that I’d be wearing a two-tone shirt (blue/khaki) and the thick Malmesbury rrrrs, would be rolling off my tongue.

    Now that I’ve written this far, I’ve forgotten what my argument is and the point of this piece.

    Oh yes, don’t trust a guru (I wrote a moerse long article about my man crushes and gurus). They have just as much kak as you and me, and most of what you see online is smoke and mirrors. Mense, we’re all faking it. We’re all just trying to get along. We’re human and fallible and full of angst.

    Of course, hire gurus. You must. They also have to eat. But just take their promises with a huge pinch of salt. They can take you a little way, but never over the finish line. That’s your job.


    Where’s my Xanax?

  • The Point Of Purpose

    The Point Of Purpose

    You’ve probably heard all these motivational sorts talk about finding your purpose.

    But a purpose is not to be found … just by being born, we’ve already found and fulfilled our purpose.

    We tend to confuse purpose with an outcome. You’ve probably heard things like:

    – My family is my purpose.
    – My purpose is to make a difference.
    – My purpose is to help the destitute find loving homes.
    – My purpose is to be a good person so that I can get to heaven.

    You catch my drift. It’s all outcomes based.

    When we open our eyes, we see everything coming at us. We are central to everything. We are essentially the point of the whole exercise.

    This story that we are in was written to enchant and enthral us. We were created to witness this magnificent play that was crafted for us.

    When we witness a beautiful piece of art, listen to an entrancing piece of music or see a majestic mountain range, it’s appropriate to be in awe of it all.

    Our purpose is to enjoy everything that has been written for us. We are the point. We are the outcome. Our purpose is not to get an outcome.

  • Turn Problems Into Projects

    Turn Problems Into Projects


    “Everyone has a plan ’till they get punched in the mouth.” Mike Tyson

    I don’t know about you, but everyday I have a plan to be productive, and every day that plan goes tits up.

    I think the phrase ‘Man plans and God laughs’ is so apt.

    Yesterday I wanted to edit a massive 110 000-word text for a client when I got a message from Celia saying there is something wrong with her website. For those of you who know the dynamics between Celia and me, know that saying no to her is not an option ⊙﹏⊙. The day went south from there as I tried to remedy the situation.

    God 1 : Jacques 0

    If it’s not a website, it’s a burst geyser, an unpaid fine, a licence that has to be updated, children that have to be picked up from school or something mundane that can scupper the ship. I don’t know if you have the same problems with the banal and mundane as I do?

    It occurs to me that we are beset with problems every day. Big ones and small ones. All of them distract us from our mission.

    Here’s a thought (,,-`_●-)

    • What if problems are the mission?
    • What if problems are part of the process to shape us into the humans we are meant to become?
    • What if there’s a grand design, and problems are part of that design?

    How can we reframe problems so that they become part of the process to attaining pleasure? I don’t know, but let me give it a shot.

    You’ve probably heard about this thing called dopamine that the hedonist engineers tout as the pleasure and reward chemical.

    I think it is a klomp kak, but who can argue with the science. Seriously, who gets excited by someone liking your post on Facebook or goes into a depression if they don’t? Who cares how many followers you have, unless you’re a modern-day snake oil salesperson called an influencer.

    • Let’s say that it’s true … that our ego, pleasure and happiness hinges on whether someone likes the mind-numbing minutiae that we put out into the world.
    • Let’s say that it’s true, that we like giving away our power to others to make us feel complete.
    • Let’s say it’s true that we are slaves to our hedonistic nature.

    If we see these as truths, then let’s not waste our dopamine on inconsequential small hits of pleasure. Let’s save it for a big win.

    I don’t know about you, but being in pleasure all the time is its own pain. If you’re in paradise every waking second, how can you possibly appreciate it?

    Perhaps you will think that I’m a masochist for saying this, but I like a bit of struggle, failure and pain … it makes the achievement so much sweeter, and the dopamine hit so much better.

    “Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.” Bruce Lee

    I prefer to gnaw on something and work through it and come up with a solution. That gives me satisfaction. I don’t like things handed to be on a plate. That feels like cheating. In case you think I’m being sanctimonious, I have had lots of things handed to me on a plate. I have been given more than is my due and have been blessed beyond my wildest expectations. On the face of it, it should make me happy when things are easy. It doesn’t.

    I feel cheated that I didn’t have the opportunity to do it for myself.

    That’s why I’ve become (even more) selfish these days and I turn problems into projects.

    The pleasure is in the doing, not in the result. For me the dopamine hit comes from the doing and finishing (the result is irrelevant [to pleasure]).

    You know as well as I do, that achieving a result is not all it’s cut out to be, is it? When we achieve a goal, it doesn’t always give us that elated feeling does it? Achievement doesn’t always play out how we want it to. Sometimes it leaves us disillusioned and disappointed because it didn’t quite turn out how we wanted it to.

    And worse, sometimes our victories are pyrrhic. For example, we may achieve financial success but lose our family in the process (I pray that you’re not in that hell).

    So we strive for the next goal and the next and the next trying to fill that hole in our heart called insecurity. The more we strive for security the more we become insecure.

    It took me a while to assimilate that one into my psyche. The more stuff we have the more insecure we feel because we could lose it. I think that Covid has highlighted this in a macabrely, merciless and magnificent way.

    I’m going to go all Dr. Phil on your ass and ask you, “How’s that working out for you?” That marriage, those children, that job and this life? If you’re like most of us, they’re a total bloody mess of disillusionment and disappointment, aren’t they? The things that we strive for and think are important, are generally not.

    “All paths lead to nowhere … so find a path with heart.” Carlos Castaneda

    If you’re like me: God 11 : Jacques 0, then things are working out just as they should because ultimately it is not really in my control.

    The only thing in my control is to turn a problem into a project, and to work through it. I may achieve the result (I think) I want, or I may not … it’s all good.

    Look, I’ve got to get back to this edit and hide |д・) from Celia (the website is not fixed yet). I’m sure you have stuff to do as well.

    Let me leave you with this. If you have problems it means that you are still alive, doesn’t it? That’s a good thing, isn’t it? Some have already been called home, perhaps too early for our liking. Their opportunity to live a blessed life of problems is over. Hopefully, they’re reaping every blessing on the other side. One day we’ll be called home and our problems will be over. But in the meantime, let’s be in awe and gratitude that we still have an opportunity to experience problems, fuck up, fail, live and love.

    God 12 : Jacques 0

    You’re the job. Make it a good one.

    I love you.

    Jacques

    PS. “A path is only a path, and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you.” Carlos Castaneda

  • Wake Up. Grow Up. Show Up.

    Wake Up. Grow Up. Show Up.

    When I write a LinkedIn profile, there’s quite a bit that goes into it before I put pen to paper. I send out a questionnaire (you’re welcome to use it to get your LinkedIn profile on track) to clarify the client’s contribution, interview the client and her clients. 

    The idea is to get a feel for her. I try to tease out the exact words that will describe her and find out how others see her. I’m building a profile so that I really get the essence of her.

    Once I’ve done this, I craft a piece that I believe captures how she appears to her ideal customer and how she can show up in the world.

    Here’s where the problem comes in, however. She’s bewildered by the feedback. She can’t believe how positively her clients speak about her, she can’t see the value they see in her, and she can’t see her real contribution to the world.

    That’s when my real work begins. I have to show her how she can grow into her profile. I have to convince her how she can be that person. 

    In essence, I have to help her clarify her contribution to the world.

    What’s your view of your place in the world? You don’t need me to tell you what a difference you are making to the world. Just by being alive, sentient and contributing, you are creating your magnum opus. 

    {{contact.first_name}}, you are the creator’s greatest work. You are valuable. You have purpose. That you are still here is an indication that you are not done, you still have great work to do.

    Wake up, grow up and show up because you are needed now, more than ever before.

    • Wake up to the fact that you are magnificent.
    • Grow up and realise that there is a place at the table for you and that you don’t have to feed off the scraps.
    • Show up as pure potential every day … make something of this amazing journey you’re on.

    You’re the job.

  • I Refuse To Go To The Grave As A Character I Never Was

    I Refuse To Go To The Grave As A Character I Never Was

    By the time that most of my clients appear to me, they’re worn down by compromise, beset with doubt and mired in chaos.

    Because I come in the guise of a marketer, they come to me to fix the sales problems that plague them.

    But when we dig below the surface, it becomes apparent that the questions that scratch at them are deeper than fixing a sales problem.

    • Do I have the grit to ride out this current storm?
    • Will I still be loved, even as I’m failing so spectacularly at this endeavour?
    • What if I’ve miscalculated and the only thing ahead of me is catastrophe?

    These are the deep concerns that my clients and I wrestle with every day.

    • They are concerned with being found out to be worthless and destroyed.
    • They are concerned with being unlovable and cast aside.
    • They are concerned about misstepping and falling into the abyss of failure.

    Maybe I’m projecting, and these are only my concerns? If I am, and this is not you, stop reading now … make time for something important.

    I find it all rather bewildering, don’t you? Trying to navigate this life elegantly and eloquently isn’t easy, is it? Trying to control the outcome of our endeavour is a grail quest, and an exercise in futility, isn’t it?

    On the current storm

    One can never be sure that one has what it takes to ride out a storm, can one? What would be the fun in that, if we were always certain? We can only try our best to hang onto the life raft as tightly as possible as the wind and waves try their best to peel us away into the maelstrom.

    On love

    I’ve learned that there is not enough love in the world that can fill the hole in our hearts called insecurity. Regardless of how ‘successful’ we are, and how full our coffers are, we never can get enough love. And, when we do get it, we take it for granted. Striving for love is the dopamine disaster that keeps us in the shallows of our lives and stops us from plumbing the depths of our being. It stops us from taking the risk of being real in case we’re not accepted and loved.

    On catastrophe

    It all ends in catastrophe in the end, doesn’t it? All the striving, manipulating and manoeuvring is for nought when we are finally called home, as we all will be. It’s all going to be taken away from us; we can’t stop it. And, that’s exactly how it was set up. Every bit of adversity we face is preparing us to handle the ultimate catastrophe with grace, gratitude and awe. Catastrophe is the gymnasium that hones us into a perfect work of art.

    What do we do in the meantime?

    I don’t have any easy answers because my life is so broken that it’s actually something beautiful to watch. It’s beautiful to watch because even though I’m certain it will end in catastrophe, I still keep on going, I still keep on trying, and I still keep on hoping. This is the ultimate human condition. This is a work of art in the making. This life that you and I lead.

    Here’s what I know and what I’ve chosen to do.

    • I will never compromise who I am and settle for doing something that I’m not passionate about just to make a buck and hang onto some illusion of control and security. If I’m going to fail at this endeavour, I’d rather fail doing something that I love than doing something I settled for.
    • I will keep on creating the way I am, and being who I am. I’ll take my chances of being loved for I really am. 
    • I’ve thought about killing who I really am, and giving the world an avatar that is more palatable to its version of what is politically and socially acceptable. I really have. It would make my life a lot simpler, I’d make a ton more money, and live more comfortably, that’s for sure. But I refuse to kill who I really am and one day fall into my grave grasping onto a character that I never was. That would be the ultimate catastrophe and a slap in the face of my architect.