Commercial Decision Design

Author: Jacques de Villiers

  • Is Your Cup Empty?

    Is Your Cup Empty?

    Jacques de Villiers – writing quest: Article 44/365

    Are you in marketing and sales (or any human endeavour for that matter) and struggling and failing to achieve your outcomes?

    The clue may lie in the word ‘outcomes’.

    Outcomes are the language of business. We set targets, and we need to achieve them so that we can make a profit. 

    We don’t have control over the outcome; our clients do. The only thing we have control over is the work we do to engage with the client.

    There are only two ways that we navigate the world. We’re either here to take or we’re here to give.

    Most of us come from a place of emptiness that needs to be filled. Thus, we’ll always be takers. Our clients notice this predatory behaviour and respond appropriately. Typically, with a ‘no’ because nobody wants to be hunted. 

    Many sales-focused companies use the word hunter to describe their sales people. Why not just use the word “hunter” on their business cards instead of “business development”? Since the client already perceives the predatory focus, it would be more honest. If I were a sales leader, I would remove the word ‘hunter’ from the corporate lexicon. As an aside, I’d also lose the term ‘human resources’. Is it any wonder that most of our employees are actively disengaged? If the company sees me as a resource and disposable, I wouldn’t be motivated either.

    So, what’s a possible solution?

    In my experience, coming from a place of fullness, gratitude and unconditionality works for me.

    Fullness is rooted in gratitude. When we believe we have enough, only then can you give unconditionally.

    This argument is subtle and nuanced, but so is the universe. A 0000.1 percent shift in frequency can make all the difference. 

    Shifting from predatory attention (taking) to giving unconditionally could make all the difference.

    You and I are already full and have everything to be grateful for. We may have momentarily forgotten, but let’s remember now. Let’s turn our attention from taking to giving (unconditionally) and forgo the outcome.

    I can only speak for myself; the more I forgo the outcome, the more the outcome seeks me.  

  • Spiritual Home

    Spiritual Home

    Jacques de Villiers – writing quest: Article 43/365

    I’m spending a month at Zawia Ebrahim, a spiritual retreat nestled in Walker Fruit Farms on the way to Vereeniging.

    I practised prayer, meditation, and journaling at the retreat from 2015 to 2017 and still visit it regularly. It is my spiritual home.

    It never changes, it is like an immovable lighthouse of vibration. At any given time there are 10+ people praying five times a day (Ṣalāh صلاة). It’s been around for close to 30 years. By my calculation, that’s more than 547 500 prayers coming from one location.

    If we extrapolate that further, there are 1.9-billion Muslims in the world (25% of the population). For the sake of argument, let’s say that they all pray five times a day. That’s a whopping 9.5-billion prayers a day.

    Assuming that Christians and Jews pray twice a day, there are approximately 2.8-billion Christians (31% of the population) and 15.7-million Jews (0.2% of the population) who do so. That’s a lot of prayer at a tad over 5,6-billion prayers a day. 

    There are just over 1,1-billion Hindus (15.2% of the population). If they were to pray twice a day, that’d be 3.2-billion. 

    And, of course, let’s not forget the Buddhists at around 520-million followers. They’re like in prayer all day, so I don’t know how to tally that one up.

    That’s an astounding 18,3-billion prayers a day.

    I haven’t accounted for other spiritual practices, but they no doubt add a whack of good to the collective.

    There are many spiritual places like Zawia Ebrahim, including convents, monasteries, hermitages, ashrams, viharas and the like. Our spiritual homes lie within these sacred spaces. Before my shamanic and aboriginal friends react, I get that nature is the main home and everything else is a subset of that.

    Why then, with all these high frequencies going out every day, are we in the shit? 

    According to David R. Hawkins’s Map of Consciousness, enlightenment (1000) begins at 200 (courage). The Abrahamic religions (Christianity, Judaism and Islam) have a high level of resonance, but their implementation falls short because of human fallibilities. My interpretation is that they use force and not power to achieve enlightenment. It is indisputable that they are all violence-prone. These religions have been distorted by their followers to serve their own interests, rather than spiritual ones.

    According to Hawkins, Buddhism resonates higher than the others because it is not a religion based on violence (force) but one based on non-violence (power). If you don’t think that works, remember in 1948 how Ghandi (power) single-handedly dismantled the violent British Empire (force) with his non-violence philosophy.

    This is not a competition to see which spiritual practice is best. Every practice and philosophy should be based on love, kindness, and doing what benefits everyone and everything. Their intent is benevolent; the application is often malevolent. 

    I don’t feel that this is a war between philosophies but rather between light and dark. Hawkins states that our resonance is currently at 204, slightly above the level of courage. In the 90s it was under 200. Light is getting a foothold, but only just.

    What’s the answer? I’ve no idea.

    But, I do have a notion that we can’t rely on institutions to dictate how we behave. Make your spiritual home in your heart. Let’s take responsibility for our own spiritual welfare and how we show up in the world. And, then give everything its due courtesy and respond appropriately every time – with love and kindness.

  • I’ll See It When I Believe It

    I’ll See It When I Believe It

    Jacques de Villiers – writing quest: Article 40/365

    I’ve always been interested in how the Placebo Effect works. Or more accurately, that it works. 

    I recall reading this weight loss study by Crum and Langer in 2007. Researchers told half of the cleaning staff at seven hotels that their daily work burned enough calories to meet the Surgeon General’s recommendations for an active lifestyle. The other half did not receive this information. After four weeks, the group that received the information believed they were exercising more, even though their behavior hadn’t changed. They lost weight and lowered their blood pressure, body fat, waist-to-hip ratio and body mass index.

    The cynical me always used to say, “I’ll believe it when I see it.” The Pollyanna version of me now says, “I’ll see it when I believe it.” Basically, the Placebo Effect.

    That’s probably why I’m accepting of every human, religion, philosophy and culture and can adapt to any of them. I’ve come to understand that everything is made up of energy and operates on different frequencies. I choose to perceive that every positive thought and action I do is good for me and the entirety of everything that is. 

    This may or may not be true. But it’s true for me, therefore it works for me.

    I believe that every task we do, no matter how menial, is holy and has meaning. I do every task to the best of my ability as an offering to my creator for letting me play here.

    I believe that every task we do, no matter how menial, is holy and has meaning. I do every task to the best of my ability as an offering to my creator for letting me play here.

    This may or may not be true. But it’s true for me, therefore it works for me.

    I’m as comfortable in a church, synagogue, mosque, shamanic despacho ceremony, Buddhist meditation, as in a Hindu Kirtan ceremony. I believe they all carry a beautiful frequency and by exposing myself to this frequency I am positively transformed.

    This may or may not be true. But it’s true for me, therefore it works for me.

    I’m comfortable with the Bible, Torah, Bhagavad Gita, the Tripitaka and Quran. I believe that just by being exposed to them, I raise my frequency. Why, I even believe that by putting them into this article I’ve automatically raised the frequency of this text. Which is a good thing for both you and me.

    This may or may not be true. But it’s true for me, therefore it works for me.

    I’ve become comfortable with the notion that nothing is being done to me but for me. That I’m the point of it all (as are you) and that the universe is my ally, not my enemy.

    This may or may not be true. But it’s true for me, therefore it works for me.

    Let me go vacuum my home quickly, I can already feel the fat shredding from my body.

  • Particle

    Particle

    Jacques de Villiers – writing quest: Article 39/365

    God: Hello Particle, I’m about to send you out into the world. What is it you’d like to accomplish on the journey you’re about to undertake?

    Me: I’d like to teach about resilience, love and forgiveness.

    God: Particle, these are truly noble pursuits. Are you sure this is what you wish to dedicate your lifetime to?

    Me: Yes, this is what I want to do.

    God: Well then I’ll turn you into a romantic. You’ll write untold words about love yet never experience it yourself. I’ll send you people who’ll strip-mine your heart until there’s nothing left but an ugly gash on the ground. I’ll send you a mother who blames you for her lot in life. I’ll bring you romantic entanglements that’ll eventually all leave you (broken and unlovable). You’ll learn to get up every time, you’ll learn resilience. 

    Me: Wow, that sounds awfully harsh. For both them and me.

    God: Not at all, Particle. They signed up to teach you how to get up from disappointment and how to hone your resilience. You will face tougher challenges than romantic failure and the longing for a mother’s love in your life, and you will need to be strong. They signed up to crack your heart open so that you can release the true love in you; for yourself first.

    Me: That makes sense. You’ve covered both love and resilience, but left out forgiveness. 

    God: I am God, I leave out nothing. Particle, I’m going to send you two fathers. One that will reject you and one that will abuse you. One will leave you when you’re a year old, and the other will stay with you for 13 years, teaching you resilience that can only be forged in the crucible of violence. They both signed up to teach you forgiveness. That was their journey with you. You’ll learn to forgive them in time. You’ll absolve yourself of the guilt you feel for being born and putting your mother through the horror that was her life. You’ll finally learn to forgive yourself. 

    Go now, Particle, and fulfil your part in my play. 

  • Are Believers Healthier Than Atheists?

    Are Believers Healthier Than Atheists?

    Jacques de Villiers – writing quest: Article 38/365

    Apparently, people with strong spiritual beliefs have better mental health and adapt more quickly to health problems compared to those with weak spiritual beliefs.

    There are, of course, many other considerations like lifestyle choices and genetics to take into account. I know the grumpiest and most negative of atheists that live to a ripe old age.

    However, death is the great equaliser. And whether we are believers or atheists, to some extent we fear it. 

    “In a world where death is the hunter, my friend, there is no time for regrets or doubts. There is only time for decisions.”

    Carlos Castaneda

    Spiritually conscious people in part have hope which is an alternative to our innate fear of death.

    As a child I felt a great sense of loss when our six Labrador puppies drowned in our swimming pool. It was my first real taste of mortality. I realised that my parents would one day die, and be gone forever. That filled me with deep sadness. When I realised that I would one day be gone too, I was left in a state of terror. 

    When I was six, I stumbled upon the answer: Die before you die. Of course, you’re smart enough to know there’s no way I ‘stumbled’ onto the answer. It was revealed to me. 

    Many spiritual teachers and philosophers advocate for dying before you die. 

    For six months, I would return home from my Sub A class at Zonnekus Primary School in Milnerton. I would close the curtains of my room, get into bed, and pray to die. At that time I was proximate and intimate with death. 

    I can’t fathom the reason for this. Perhaps, I knew that this life of mine wouldn’t be easy, and I wanted the coward’s way out so that I didn’t have to face it. Or perhaps the demon that had assailed me when I was two had come back. The exorcist thought not and the psychologist just said I was channelling Jung.

    Even at that young age, contemplating the end of my life led me to deep introspection, growth and joy. I came out of the experience changed. I would say my spiritual journey started then. I believed in an afterlife or a forever-life since the soul is permanent.

    “Death is very likely the single best invention of life. It is life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.”

    Steve Jobs

    So whether we are a believer or an atheist, once we lose the fear of death, things shift for us. Believing in an afterlife, whether real or not, can bring us a sense of well-being and peace.

    If you find the idea of an afterlife and ever-life hard to believe, then believing that your purpose is to make a difference should bring you a feeling of well-being and peace.

    “Without death, life would be meaningless. To be, and to enjoy your being, you need death, and limitation enables you to fulfil your being.”

    Carl Jung

    I think that all of us should have the experience of dying before we die so that we can appreciate this extraordinary life that we have now. What do you think?

  • Armour Up

    Armour Up

    Jacques de Villiers – writing quest: Article 37/365

    I know it’s probably sacrilege to say that I’ve never really gotten into Robin Sharma (The 5 AM Club – Morning Routine) or Jay Shetty, the two monk superstars. Both of them are proponents of morning rituals.

    My speed is more Pema Chodron, the Buddhist nun. Her book, When Things Fall Apart, has been a loyal companion to me over the years. 

    I perhaps have something to crow about. I’d been doing the morning rituals long before they wrote about it. First five years of boarding school at 13, and then two years of military service. But, that was never voluntary, so it probably doesn’t count.

    Voluntarily, I’ve been doing morning rituals for nearly 40 years, with meditation being my mainstay.

    I am a bit monkish about it when I say, “Morning for me. Afternoon for everyone else.”

    Every morning, I start my day by praying, meditating, writing, and walking. I do this because I understand that as the day goes on, challenges will gradually weaken my determination. By four pm I’m done.

    The other day, I forwent my ritual and didn’t meditate or walk. I paid the price. The day went sideways. I dropped my cell phone twice, how it didn’t break is a miracle. I wrote the biggest claptrap of an article I’ve written in years. My left calf played up, and I ended up limping (any calf whisperers out there that can tell me the meaning.) And, I irritated everyone I spoke to that day. I was clumsy and inarticulate (read into it ‘rude’).

    Now I know that, as Aristotle said, “One swallow does not a summer make.” So, perhaps I shouldn’t read too much into it. But this is not the first time that I have slipped my discipline and things went wrong.  

    Establishing a set of morning rituals is as essential as taking your vitamins. You don’t really notice a difference until you stop taking them. Then watch the wheels fall off. 

    Damn you, Robin Sharma, now I’m going to have to read your book, won’t I?

  • I Wish I Had A Catherine Dickens In My Life

    I Wish I Had A Catherine Dickens In My Life

    Jacques de Villiers – writing quest: Article 35/365

    Whenever Charles Dickens, the author, wrote scathing letters to those who he perceived to have offended him, Catherine, his wife, would always take them to the post office. She never posted them. And, saved him from a world of hurt. 

    I don’t have a Catherine, so here goes …

    Cut. Cut. Cut.

    That’s how I started writing the article I was going to send out today.

    It was going to be a Jannie Jammergat (Sad Sack) piece calling people out who I perceived to have offended me. I probably would have lost friends, and I can’t afford to lose any more.

    As you know, the universe always works for my (and your) good. 

    I got a phone call from one of my dearest friends. I read some of the article to him, and he said, “What do you hope to gain from this? And, is it the best use of your energy right now?” 

    Thank you universe for channelling Catherine Dickens right at the moment I needed her. 

    How often have you reacted instead of responding to a situation? It happens to me more often than I care to admit.

    When we’re reacting we are running an unconscious programme, probably from childhood. We often react without thinking (unconscious). I know when I react it’s because I’m hurt. You know the old saying, ‘hurt people hurt people’. 

    Give me the child, and I’ll give you the man.

    Francis of Assisi

    Of course, a better way to react to a perceived slight is to respond. This is called being conscious. And, it buys you a second or two so that you can respond appropriately. I’ve often found that the best response is no response.

    Think about it: what weakens us is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of our fellow men. Our self-importance requires that we spend most of our lives offended by someone. Only as a warrior can one withstand the path of knowledge. A warrior cannot complain or regret anything.

    Carlos Castaneda

    It’s becoming apparent to me that whatever is offered to me is a gift even though it doesn’t always feel like it at the time.

    The way I generally handle a perceived slight these days is to pause and think, “Mmm, that was eina. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. I wonder why this has triggered me? It needs further investigation. Yay, it’s another opportunity for me to let go of something that’s holding me back. 

    I then open my heart to the person who has gifted me with this insight and thank them.

    Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate.

    Carl Jung

    Jung’s right, of course, until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life. 

    Let’s become conscious, you and I. It’s the best response to anything life throws at us.

  • The night I turned into a ghost

    The night I turned into a ghost

    Jacques de Villiers – writing quest: Article 34/365

    Just this Saturday evening I was at a friend’s dinner party when it happened again. I turned into a ghost.

    I was telling someone something mildly interesting when a woman inserted herself into the conversation and with nary a blink, started talking to the person. I exited the conversation and poured myself a stiff drink. Neither noticed that I’d left.

    It’s not the first time this theme has played itself out for me. It’s been an all too regular occurrence: insert, interrupt, ignore.

    I get paid to talk to people, but in social situations, I struggle to have conversations for free.

    I’m convinced that I’m interesting. I get asked to be a +1 at many functions because I can handle myself well in a social setting. I know I’m a marvellous specimen to look at, but it can’t just be that surely? I must be mildly interesting too?

    Do you sometimes feel invisible, unheard and unseen? Do you feel like you’re a ghost?

    I cook. I clean. I wash. I work. I pick up. I drop off. I love. I shout. I scream. They don’t hear me. They don’t see me. I’m alone. I’m a mother. I’m a ghost.

    I fix things. I work. I pick up. I drop off. I love. I shout. I scream. They don’t hear me. They don’t see me. I’m lonely. I’m a father. I’m a ghost.

    I stand on the street corner. I work. I wave my sign. I smile. I look frail. I’m hungry. I’m lonely. I’m hurt. I love. I shout. I scream. Why don’t they see me? Why don’t they hear me? I’m a beggar. I’m a ghost.

    I study. I eat. I stay in my room. I do chores. I love. I’m lonely. I try to fit in. I don’t fit in. Why am I invisible? I shout. I scream. I’m a son. I’m a daughter. I’m a child. I’m a ghost.

    I’m restless. I’m needy. I’m unfulfilled. I’m weak. I’m powerless. I’m in pain. I want to be loved. I want to love. I’m lost. I’m lonely. I’m alone. Please, someone, notice me. I’m human. I’m a ghost.

    If you have ever felt lost, unappreciated, unloved, shamed, apathetic, fearful, unfulfilled, regretful, guilty, dissatisfied, disjointed, fractured, or disappointed, then you know what a ghost feels like.

    It can’t find peace and leave this place because it’s stuck in a pit of self-pity, a river of regret, and a desert of depression.

    It’ll only be released to blessed peace and the bosom of mother Eden when it lets go of its expectations of how the world should be.

    If it expects the world to appreciate, love, and be grateful for its existence, it will be stuck in eternal regret, dissatisfaction, and disappointment.

    The ghost can only find solace when it realises that the world owes it nothing. Its children owe it nothing. Its boss doesn’t owe it anything. Its employees do not owe it anything. Its spouse does not owe it anything. The planet owes it nothing.

    It will only find peace and move on when it realises that it owes everything – appreciation, happiness, awe, gratitude and love to the world and those that rent space in it.

    We should make peace with the world as it is now and make peace with our role in it. The consequences and regret of not doing so will last for an eternity. The ghost will be released into joy only when it accepts things as they are and surrenders with grace.

    “Hello, my name is Jacques. I see you. I hear you. I feel you. Would you like to have a (uninterrupted) conversation?”

  • Meditating Through Madness

    Meditating Through Madness

    Jacques de Villiers – writing quest: Article 33/365

    I’ve been meditating for more than 30 years now. It has probably been the single best practice that has kept me from totally unmooring from this reality. 

    Meditation seems to imitate life or life imitates it.

    For me meditation is about taking my mind and my emotions into a place of stillness. Or as Dr. Joe Dispenza puts it, becoming no thing, no body, no place and no time. 

    It’s all about breathing in the meditation I practice. It’s pretty much all about breathing in life too, isn’t it?

    During meditation, if my mind drifts, I bring my attention back by focusing on my breath through my nose.

    Meditation reveals the extent of my scatteredness and how easily I become distracted. A bird chirping takes me out of no thing. An aeroplane overhead gets my attention. An itch needs to be scratched. A thought needs to be followed. A fly needs to be shooed away.

    I’ve trained myself to allow myself to acknowledge those distractions. I don’t use the force of willpower to banish them from my consciousness. I let them go by returning to the breath.

    I always plan to have the perfect meditation, and it never happens. Sometimes out of the hour, I get 45 minutes of ‘real’ meditation. Sometimes 30 minutes. And, sometimes when things really go awry, five minutes. But even five minutes is valuable. For me five minutes of meditation is worth five hours in the gym. And, if I had to choose, I’d always choose the five minutes of meditation over the five hours of gym. Not because gym is hard, but because meditation is more likely to take me to where I really need to be on this journey.

    Here’s the thing: those five minutes are valuable to me and to the entire consciousness of the planet. Those five minutes get me through the madness.

    If you think you’re too small to make a difference, you’ve never been to bed with a mosquito.

    Anita Roddick, author of Business Unusual

    Always back to the breath

    Isn’t life akin to meditation? We have plans (purpose) to impact the planet (or, at least our corner of it) and then things happen to distract us and take us off our path. When you feel distracted, gently remind yourself of your purpose (breath) and fulfil the promise that is in you.

    Nothing we do will ever be perfect (in my experience, at least), but what we do matters. 

    If you don’t believe me, take Jesus for example. His ministry was a mere three years, and look at the astounding impact he made. 

    What do you think you can do in three years? One year? Five minutes? 

    Go do that. Go now!

  • From A Life Sentence to Sentience

    From A Life Sentence to Sentience

    Jacques de Villiers – writing quest: Article 32/365

    Most of us have been sentenced to a life of shame, apathy, guilt, grief and anger. Our shackles are the negative programmes our jailers (our parents) engineered into us. They implemented programmes to enslave us by imprinting lasting thoughts such as “you’re a stupid child,” “you don’t deserve anything,” “you’ll never achieve anything,” and “you shouldn’t exist.”

    They, too, were engineered by their parents, and their parents before them.

    Most of our parents were unaware of how easily we as children could be influenced by their words and actions, whether positive or negative. 

    In essence, our parents’ behaviours and beliefs became our own.

    The reason for this is of course the supercomputer called the human brain. 

    It mostly operates at its lowest frequency, 0.5 to 4 cycles per second, known as delta waves, from birth to two years of age. Thereafter, a child begins to spend in theta (4-8 Hz) up until the age of six.

    Give me the boy and I’ll give you the man. St Francis of Assisi.

    In its first six years of life, children can download an incredible volume of information to help them thrive in their environment. 

    Our brains store both negative and positive behaviours and comments as if they were facts, just like a computer’s hard drive stores bits and bytes.

    From six years old, children become less susceptible to outside programming with the increasing appearance of alpha waves (8-12 Hz). And, from 12 years onwards, children show sustained periods of beta waves (12-35 Hz). They become less susceptible to outside programming. Perhaps that’s why from 12 years onwards they become rebellious and riotous. It’s as if they know that they have been shackled by their parents’ beliefs. Essentially, they’re doing their best to get out of under the warden’s boot.

    When we react negatively to something someone said, it’s often because of a subconscious programme from our childhood. 

    Despite our parents’ unintentional (unconscious) efforts to negatively influence us, we have the ability to free ourselves from their programming.

    Once we recognise the malware in our brains, we can debug the system and reboot ourselves with a positive programme. 

    Once we upgrade our software we can turn a life sentence into sentience. I’d rather be conscious than unconscious, wouldn’t you? Let’s do the work to unshackle ourselves from our limiting beliefs and realise our destiny.