Author: Jacques de Villiers

  • We Are Right

    We Are Right

    Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past week you’ll know that there were two deadly attacks on Thursday and Friday in Lebanon and France. At least 43 and 129 lives were taken respectively. And, not to mention all attacks preceding these.

    I’m at a loss to explain how we’ve got to this juncture. But, then because it hasn’t affected me directly here in South Africa (yet), I’ve been indolent when studying this travesty. So, my knowledge on this subject is woefully inadequate.

    To me it appears that we’re in an ideological war with the three main protagonists tearing each other apart. Muslims who number around 1,6-billion, Christians who number more than 2-billion and Jews who come in at around 15-million worldwide are hell-bent on destroying each other.

    I know it is supposedly a radical few that are responsible for the death and mayhem. But, the majority seem to be powerless to do anything or pretend to be powerless.

    And, there seems to be a hardening of attitudes from all three ideologies in the centre. In other words, you and me who kinda just want to get on with our lives, are starting to take sides. It’s becoming harder for the middle to defend the policies of the Israelis with regard to Palestine. And, how often can the Muslim community say, “It’s a radical few and we don’t support them.”

    If one listens to the Israeli/Palestinian narrative, for instance. These two tribes want to obliterate each other from this earth. That’s it. There doesn’t appear to be a willingness to negotiate and talk. This narrative is going to reap a whirlwind that we won’t be able to control.

    I’ll bet China and Russia are licking their lips … just waiting for the spoils they’re going to pick up.

    I have three friends that I would take a bullet for without thinking twice … one’s a Muslim, one’s a Christian and one’s Jewish. That’s probably because I don’t see ideology, I see a human being. And, also, if I’m honest, these are spectacular human beings that can do far more good on this planet than I can.

    The problem with all three ideologies is that they’re at WAR … We Are Right. And, when folks think they are right and won’t look at other viewpoints this is when we experience the carnage we’re seeing in the world today.

    I think that the sooner we put our neighbour’s interest above ours and set him up for success, the sooner things will improve.

    We also need to start thinking for ourselves and not get indoctrinated by ideologies that have clearly lost their path when it comes to dealing in this human endeavour.

    Each one of us can do our bit. Remember, it only takes one to soften his stance and change and things will start changing.

    I can’t presume to read the mind of the deity you may worship, but my guess is that the way his/her children have turned out is mighty vexing.

    I think we were created to be in awe and gratitude and to be benevolent. We’re supposed to be our brother’s keeper. We’ve fallen so short of this mark that we can only be a huge disappointment to whomever created us.

    • As of this writing, there was another attack on Friday 20, November in Mali. 27 people dead. Good grief.

    Photo Credit: http://www.commondreams.org/views/2015/04/22/reading-if-stone-earth-day-why-we-still-wont-get-anywhere-unless-we-connect-dots

  • The Insanity of Chronic Remorse

    The Insanity of Chronic Remorse

    Robert Frost’s words have driven me to distraction for as long as I can remember: “Two roads diverged in a wood. And I – I took the one less travelled by and that made all the difference.”

    Whenever I have a choice to make, his words give me pause. Do I choose “what’s popular” or “what’s right.” I often look at myself with curiosity. Especially when I choose, “what’s popular” and not “what’s right.” Note to self – “You’ve still got a bit of maturing to do, don’t you?”

    When I come to a roadblock, an important decision or a crossroad, I try to make the right choice … the “one less travelled by.” I try and filter my choices through the lens of “what’s popular” or “what’s right.”

    Unfortunately, life’s not like fiction; and choosing a road isn’t as clear cut as it’s made out to be. In fiction there’s  a choice between good and evil, hero and coward, honest or dishonest, this allegiance or that allegiance and so on.

    In real life (well for me anyway) you get to choose between two bad choices or two good choices. A “lesser of two evils” deal.

    You know the ones. “Should I meet that client and secure a lucrative deal (that’ll set our family up for the next two years) and miss my daughter’s birthday party (and, live with her disappointment for life)?” “Should I tell him his speech stank (risking his ire and probable loss of his friendship) or should I keep quiet and let him keep feeding this disaster to more audiences (risking him being embarrassed in public every time he opens his mouth)?”

    I, of course complicate things and try and take both roads. That’s when I come unstuck.

    My favourite choice is like a cosmic joke. I choose the roads of lunacy and insanity. Well, actually, I choose lunacy first and then insanity follows.

    Sometimes I can be a lunatic. I can be stupid and behave badly and get up to absurd mischief that comes to bite me in the rear sooner or later. And then I end up with chronic remorse and follow the road of insanity by obsessing about the lunacy of my past. I go into chronic remorse.

    The problem with this strategy is that it is like rolling in the dirt and thinking you’re going to get clean. Absurd, if you ask me.

    I like Aldous Huxley’s take on messing up: “If you have behaved badly, repent, make what amends you can and address yourself to the task of behaving better next time.”

    This works for me. You don’t get stuck in the past. Which is a sure-fire recipe to stop you making the most of your present and can scupper your future.

    So, as you get to travel through this human endeavour, you’ll  always have choices. Some easy roads and some difficult roads.

    Both are instructive to you. But, the choice you make will reveal your character. “The road less travelled by,” is always the harder one, but the one that makes all the difference.

    Photo Credit: http://sites.psu.edu/mgeppingerpassionblog/2015/09/10/two-roads-diverged-in-a-yellow-wood/

  • Follow the Call (Slowly)

    Follow the Call (Slowly)

    I love the sentiment behind this quote by Joseph Campbell, ”Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.”

    But, for most of us ‘following your bliss’ is a bit of a Grail quest, isn’t it? It is near impossible.

    I hear motivational speakers and authors say things like:

    • Follow your bliss
    • Find your passion
    • Figure out your purpose
    • Go for it
    • Just do it

    It’s easy to sprout this stuff when you’re earning R20 000 for an hour talk. But, for most mere mortals who are stuck in the day-to-day grind of eking out an existence, ‘following your bliss’ is not an option.

    It’s (nearly) Impossible To Follow Your Passion

    When you’re stuck solidly in survival mode, it is nearly impossible to think about following your passion.

    But, this is not to say that we shouldn’t strive for our calling. Finding something to do that really makes you happy is a sure way to discovering your bliss.

    The problem with a calling is that most people think it is an all or nothing deal. That you have to leave your job to write the novel that is just dying to get out, that you have to leave your family to travel or go to the wilderness to find yourself.

    You Don’t Need A Damascus Experience

    I blame Saul’s ‘Road to Damascus’ conversion for the illusion. He basically left everything he stood for on the dusty road and followed Jesus.

    There was no easing into the thing. It was an all-or-nothing deal for him.

    Now many of us don’t ever have a Damascene experience. And, if we did, we probably wouldn’t have the wherewithal to follow our new-found passion in any case. Or the courage to commit to an irreversible path.

    Even if we did know what our bliss was we don’t follow the call because we fear that we have to sacrifice everything to do it. There’s no rule that says following your passion is a zero-sum game. Who says that you can’t ease into your calling?

    They Kept Their Day Jobs

    For example, is it inconceivable that you can follow your passion of being an author whilst still working? These authors kept their day jobs and produced memorable art:

    • Lewis Carroll (Alice in Wonderland)
    • Bram Stoker (Dracula)
    • Franz Kafka (The Hunger Artist)
    • Frank McCourt (Angela’s Ashes).

    Work it out. If you just spent an hour a day and knocked up 300 words (An A4 page) in that time, you would have 109 500 words in one year. That’s close on 50 000 words more than the average novel (60 000 words).

    Who says you can’t ‘find yourself’ by going to the ‘wilderness’ one weekend a month. You don’t have to give up family and friends and your lifestyle to do this.

    So figure out what your calling is and then take small (and slow) steps to following your bliss. Because success after all is in the journey and not in the destination.

    Photo Credit: http://news.discovery.com/human/health/how-footsteps-can-reveal-speed-130422.htm

  • Do You Think The World Doesn’t Love You?

    Do You Think The World Doesn’t Love You?

    The other day a friend of mine made a statement that gave me a moment to pause.

    “Do you know what your problem is, Jacques?” “You think that the world doesn’t love you?”

    I was shocked. In those eight words he’d summed up my view of the world.

    But so what? My view is no different to millions of other souls trying to navigate this human endeavour. The world isn’t a friendly place. Isn’t it my lot to suffer through this thing and hopefully, I’ll hit heaven when it’s all over? Isn’t that what it’s about?

    Come on. It gave me two fathers, one absent and one abusive. It messed up my plans to spend a gap year after I left the army. It gave me an average brain that couldn’t muster up the marks to get into university. It sent me countless women to break my heart and mess with my head. It halved my hearing. It has given me one financial burden after another. It has left me looking back over what’s left of this journey with regret and remorse.

    It’s obvious that the world hates me.

    But is this true?

    “How can the universe be hostile to me when everything I am made of comes from it.” – Intent – Exploring the Source of Being Human

    Am I not part of the universe? Isn’t the very fact that there is a universe and that I have chosen to live in it something of a miracle? When I look at my daughter, haven’t I already got more than I’ll ever need and deserve?

    When I look at it this way, then it is obvious that I should change my view that the world is a fearful place that despises me. Perhaps I should pay attention and realise that the world is an awesome place that loves me.

    As I am part of it, why would it want to harm me and in so doing, harm itself? The better it treats me, the better it treats itself.

    But to see the world as a benevolent and not malevolent place, will take some work on my part. I’ve actually got to step up and take responsibility for how I interact in it.

    1. First, I need to realise that whatever my situation, it’s 100% because of me. The universe has given me exactly what I have created in my head and my heart.
    2. Second, I need to realise that all the material things that I’m striving for … to make me feel secure and significant, wont. “No bank account is big enough to fill the hole in the chest called insecurity.” – Intent – Exploring the Source of Being Human. My real job is to get my head, heart and soul in order. The rest is all a bit of a sideshow really. Every second of every day, every setback, every triumph and every interaction is there to instruct. It gives me an opportunity to exercise the gift that even the angels weren’t given: Choice. I can choose my response. I can choose to be fearful or awesome. I can choose to be selfish or selfless. I can choose to be bitter or better. I can choose to make every moment that I have left, marvellous.
    3. Third, I need to have an attitude of gratitude. If I interrogate gratitude … it’s probably the most important feeling to have – everything else is subordinate to it. When I realise that I’m exactly where I should be, that I have already been given more than I will ever need and that the world is a friendly and awesome place, then I can be truly grateful.

    Photo Credit: http://betterthansurviving.me/2011/12/

     

  • Beware Of Drinking The Guru’s Kool-Aid

    Beware Of Drinking The Guru’s Kool-Aid

    I’ve been known to hero-worship someone from time-to-time.

    I’ve even anointed people with guru status.

    And, I’ve believed everything that guru has said and taken it as gospel and blindly followed him.

    As I’ve gotten older and not necessarily wiser, I’ve realised that it’s a dangerous game to put your destiny in one person’s hands.

    The challenge is that most gurus, be they of the religious, political, spiritual, business or self-help persuasion, teach one ‘what to think’ and not ‘how to think’.

    I really have no problem if you’re following someone who you believe can help you become a human being that is self-sustaining and benevolent.

    Danger lurks when you lose your ability to have independent thought.

    There are numerous stories of things going horribly wrong when one subordinates one’s thoughts to the guru.

    Probably the most infamous case of this is the Jonestown massacre. ‘Guru’, Jim Jones managed to get 912 (276 children) to commit suicide by getting them to drink Kool-Aid and Flavor-Aid laced with cyanide and Valium on November 18, 1978.

    More

    • Hitler
    • Stalin
    • Women burned at the stake for witchcraft (sometimes just for owning a pet)
    • Gays persecuted
    • David Koresh
    • Race persecution
    • Charles Manson
    • Religious persecution
    • Stewart Traill
    • Incas (one of the most advanced (workable) government system ever) wiped out by the Spanish for God (actually wiped out for the gold)
    • Aum Shinrikyo
    • The earth is the centre of the universe
    • Claude Vorilhon
    • The earth is flat
    • Joseph Di Mambro
    • Every president of a country that has led us down a destructive path

    This is just a fraction of what is out there. I’m sure you can come up with your own list at a drop of a hat.

    “A nation of sheep begets a government of wolves” – Edward R. Murrow

    I suppose we all want to believe in something. But, with roughly 4200 religions and belief systems and just under 5000 gods to choose from (all professing to be right), finding a path is quite daunting. And, add all the self-professed gurus, claiming that only through them will you find true happiness … then it becomes downright confusing.

    I think picking a lane is a good thing because it can help us make sense of the chaotic world we live in. Picking a belief that has at its core benevolence to one’s fellow human is probably a good call. However, almost every belief system I know of professes to be for the benefit of others. Patently, this is not so and that leaves us back to square one.

    Who and what to choose?

    “Make yourself sheep and the wolves will eat you” – Benjamin Franklin

    • Remember. Most ‘gurus’ are just as stuffed up as you and me. They’re also fumbling around trying to make sense of this human endeavour. You know what they know. You just need to remember what you know, that’s all. You are your own guru.
    • Real gurus know that when they’re the smartest person in the room it is time to find another room. They don’t believe their own PR, are humble and know that they are only a fraction of the way to real understanding.
    • My take is to choose a belief system and someone that teaches you ‘how to think’ and ‘not what to think’.
    • Don’t allow others to think for you. Apply your mind and question everything.
    • Remember, that the person you choose to take instruction from is human and fallible, just like the rest of us. This person could be on the wrong path and leading you along it too.
    • Be wary of gurus that are self-promoting.
    • The same goes for gurus that say that their way is the only way.

    Blindly following someone and subordinating your free will to them is not an answer to your problems. It could very well be the start of your problems … leading to you losing yourself, your heart, your soul and your life. And, of course, destroying others in the process too.

    Read this article, How Do You Know You’re In a Cult?

    Photo credit: GetStencil

  • Walk The Yard

    Walk The Yard

    Prison genre movies appeal to something inside me. I’ve watched dozens: The Shawshank Redemption, Jericho Mile, The Green Mile and The Hurricane to name a few. And, loosely lumped into the prison genre are prisoner of war and 2nd World War concentration camp themes too … Schindler’s List (more a Holocaust story) and The Great Escape come to mind.

    “They ask questions of me”

    I think they appeal to me on various levels. They ask questions of me. Questions that I don’t always want to dig too deeply into because I’m afraid I might come up short. Am I a decent human being? Do I still have hope or am I so jaded and cynical that there’s no oxygen for hope to thrive? Do I have courage? Am I a leader? Will I die for a cause? Do I have a cause? Am I redeemable? Is the system so broken that I can never make a difference?

    Walk the yard with me and see how you stack up on this journey that you’re on.

    Hope and inevitability

    I’m cheering for the wrongly-accused, innocent man who needs to battle corrupt officials, malevolent gang leaders and a system geared in every way to destroy him. I’m either delighted when he gets out or distraught when he’s executed. This plot appeals to my sense of hope, in the first instance and my feeling of inevitability in the second.

    This theme plays to three of my biggest fears … being falsely accused of something and taking the fall for it, being abducted by aliens and not being able to tell anybody about it for fear of being thought mad and a five cent coin falling off a 50-story building and hitting me in the head and killing me instantly. I know, I know … thousands of rands of therapy and still no nearer to a cure.

    Can I be redeemed?

    Prison movies appeal to my need for redemption too. I’m always interested to see if a guilty man can change, redeem himself and take that second chance to do something meaningful with the remainder of his life. The redemption theme plays on my fear as well. In these movies the majority of the prison population is by ‘nature’ or ‘nurture’ irredeemable. The game is rigged and the outcome is inevitable. My fear is that I’m irredeemable too.

    Benign and gracious system

    These movies also appeal to me because I have hope that the system can be benign and gracious and not mad and malevolent. So, I’m always happy when a prison guard or warden turns out to be a ray of light and hope in a world of darkness and chaos. I gives me hope that I too can can emulate these special and rare beings and make a difference to somebody who is in a dark place.

    Will I pee in my pants?

    Concentration camp movies ask questions of my courage. Would I be able to stand up against a system that is abhorrent to anything that is decent. Would I be prepared to die to protect the innocent. Could I be an Oskar Schindler who saved 1200 Jewish souls during the Holocaust? Could I handle myself with honour and decorum and not pee in my pants when my death is certain?

    Leadership

    Can I be a great leader in the face of insurmountable odds and inspire my men like Squadron Leader Roger Bushell, in the great escape from Stalag Luft lll in 1943?

    Thanks for walking the yard with me. I’ll see you on the outside.

  • Why People Irritate Me

    Why People Irritate Me

    I find people irritating. Not everyone, you understand. Just some of them.

    You know the ones.

    Those that say they’re going to do something and don’t.

    • Those that are humble and self-effacing when they shouldn’t be.
    • Those that say they’re going to lose weight and then don’t do anything about it.
    • Those that say they’re going to write the next big thing and then slumber in front of the television.

    They drive me to absolute distraction and to be honest, loathing.

    Of course, you know the real truth of the matter, don’t you?

    These traits that I so abhor in other people are exactly the ones that I carry.

    “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” – Carl Jung

    Jung’s right, of course. All I’m doing is projecting my own issues onto these people.

    So, whenever I feel judgemental towards others, I take a moment to pause and ask myself “where are these feelings coming from?”

    And, when I pause, I realise that the very behaviours that the other person is doing is exactly the one that I’m doing too.

    So, what’s really happening is that I’m getting irritated with myself because I feel that I’m falling short of the standards I have set myself.

    It’s, of course, easy to point fingers at others so as to deflect the attention off me.

    The reverse is also true. When people look at me in irritation nine times out of 10 I know they’re irritated with themselves too. Because they see something in me that they don’t like because it sits in them too.

    So, when the ‘Lady doth protest too much’, don’t rise to the bait. Before you respond to the person, try and figure out what it is that is really bugging them so that you can diffuse added tension.

    But, living in a state of constant irritation is also not a healthy state-of-affairs. So figure out what it is about others that irritate you and if it is you projecting your own inadequacies, then do something about it.

    So, in my case I would have to keep my word, start claiming my magnificence, stop stuffing my face and exercise more and talk less and write more.

    But, not everything is projection. Sometimes our behaviour is unacceptable and we need to own that it is. As Sigmund Freud said, “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar”. So, men, when you leave the toilet seat up there’s no projection issues from your significant other. She’s right, you’re just an inconsiderate lout that needs to take cognisance of other people’s needs and feelings.

  • Noah, Aliens and Disillusionment

    Noah, Aliens and Disillusionment

    A favourite dinner topic, around our house when I was growing up, was the UFO crash (with five aliens on board) in Roswell, New Mexico on July 8, 1947.

    That’s how you roll when you were born to liberal parents in the 60s and 70s. Discussions about the Illuminati, Nessie, Big Foot, Dogons, Sirius, coincidence, synchronicity, religion and the supernatural were not alien in our home. It was standard fare.

    I suppose that’s why I’ve always been interested in all things spiritual, alien and unknown. I think I may even be a closet conspiracy theorist. With the kind of father I had, I understand why. But, that’s for another time and three brandies later.

    Recently, I revisited the supposed discovery of Noah’s Ark on Mount Ararat in Turkey. It was first sighted by a Turkish Army Captain, Lihan Durupinar in 1959 whilst examining an aerial photo of his country.

    There are three views: It’s a load of nonsense (www.snopes.com, the rumour-busting website, thinks it’s bunkum), it really is Noah’s Ark or it’s an alien craft.

    I’ve always wondered why government agencies supposedly cover up these mysteries and don’t just play open cards with their citizens. Surely we can handle the truth?

    Or maybe our governments (and I may be giving them way too much credit) understand that we can’t handle the truth. They may understand that we’re addicted to hope. And, it’s their jobs to keep hope alive by shielding us from the dark underbelly of reality.

    It’s not unimaginable that if there really was a UFO crash in Roswell (www.snopes.com is silent on this matter), it could shatter the worldview of a large portion of our society. If ‘Noah’s Ark’ on Mount Ararat turned out to be an alien ship. Ditto. Similarly, if the Sphinx in Egypt is actually 10 000 years old and not 4 500 as most archeologists believe or have misled us to believe … that has massive ramifications for large swathes of our planet.

    So, what’s the internal story around this? In my opinion, the only thing that keeps us going is hope. It can be a belief in a higher power, a belief that things will get better and that there’s a sliver lining to every dark cloud. I think if it wasn’t for hope and a belief in something, many of us would just give up and revert to our baser instincts.

    The thing is that the ‘truth’ doesn’t always set you free but it leads you from belief to doubt to disillusionment. I challenge you to deny that when South Africa became a democracy in 1994 you didn’t feel belief and hope. What do you feel now with corruption, poverty and lack of education prevalent? I’ll bet, it’s disillusionment. That’s how I feel, anyway.

    That’s why I think governments like to keep things fuzzy. Because when there’s hope and/or doubt there’s always a chance that things will stay the same (for some that’s heaven) or that things will change for the better (heaven for others).

    Let me distill belief, doubt and disillusionment even further into our own psyches. I think that many of us don’t act on our dreams and goals because we are scared that the truth will show us up for who we are … not that fabulous and rather ‘meh’. We are taught at a very early age to have belief in our abilities. And, in pre-schools today there’s an “everyone’s a winner” philosophy. Every child get’s a certificate for contributing. But, as you know, in real life, not everyone’s a winner.

    Maybe, just maybe most of us prefer to live in doubt (or hope) about our abilities. But the only way to find out if we ‘have it’ is to do it. And that’s where the rubber hits the road. Because when we actually try something we might fail at it. And that truth could suck the ‘lewenslus’ out of us and lead to total disillusionment.

    My answer for what it’s worth.

    Let the truth set you free. If you really suck at something, it’s better to find out quickly (fail early). This means that you can then focus your energies on finding something you can be successful at. I found out quickly in primary school that I would never sing in the choir (my screeching had cats running for cover) and consequently, I would never be the rock star I wanted to be. So, rather than flog that dead horse, I channeled my energies elsewhere.

    And, you know what, I wish I could tell you ‘I’ve arrived’. I haven’t. I keep failing at things. The truth is a bitter mistress. But the hard lessons she teaches me serve me in good stead.

    I’m in a better space, more resilient and getting closer to my Magnum Opus. Right now I am the best work I’ve produced. And that’s good enough for me.

  • The Strange Secret To Happiness

    The Strange Secret To Happiness

    Here’s  a hack I use to ensure my happiness (most of the time).

    When you’re in the traffic have you ever slowed down and given someone a gap so that they can cut in front of you?

    And, after this courtesy, have you expected a gesture of appreciation … a raised hand or a quick flick of the hazard lights?

    Have you been surprised (and angry) that the driver takes the gap without even so much as a nod in your direction?

    I would imagine that we have all experienced this. And, we have probably all been angry when someone doesn’t recognise us and appreciate our kind gesture.

    I know I’ve felt short-changed when I haven’t had appreciation.

    I think that we all crave recognition and appreciation for the things we do.

    Research indicates that one of the biggest motivators for employees is recognition and appreciation … strangely enough, more so than money.

    I have another take on this. If you really want to be happy, don’t expect appreciation.

    I used to expect a thank you or some gesture of appreciation every time I did something nice for someone. And, when I didn’t get it my nose was put out of joint and I got on my high horse. Short version … I got angry.

    I figured out quite quickly that I had two choices. Don’t do anything nice for anyone or don’t let lack of appreciation rattle me.

    The second option, patently, was the smarter one. Now, I don’t (ok, seldom) expect appreciation for anything I do for others and it has been a liberating experience.

    I wish I could say that I’m never disappointed when someone doesn’t show me appreciation. Unfortunately, I do from time-to-time get disappointed. I suppose it is my human condition that expects some kind of validation. But, I’m certainly less hung up about appreciation than I used to be. When I do get the rare person that shows me appreciation it is an absolute gift that makes my day.

    Of course, not getting appreciation doesn’t mean that you don’t have to give appreciation. You and I should be finding every opportunity to appreciate others.

    When last have you appreciated someone for an act of kindness?

    There are so many opportunities to show appreciation. Off the top of my head … when your wife cooks you a meal (whether it is (the meal) amazing or not), when your husband goes to the garage and makes sure the oil is topped up, when your work colleague offers to make you a cup of coffee and when your employee does good work.

    Just a pat on the back, a squeeze of the shoulder and the words, “Thank you, I appreciate what you’ve done for me”, will do wonders for your relationship with those around you.

    We are more inclined to do the things that are appreciated over and over again.

    So, if you want happiness, don’t expect appreciation and if you want to make others happy, give lots of appreciation.

  • Burn the Haystack. Find the Needle.

    Burn the Haystack. Find the Needle.

    I’ve no doubt that you’ve heard the idiom “Like looking for a needle in a haystack.”

    It’s based on the idea that it’s hard to find a sewing needle in a haystack. It means when something is almost impossible to find.

    It got me thinking about the Holy Grail and the Arthurian legends attached thereto. Just in case you’re not up to speed. The Holy Grail was the cup used by Christ in the last supper. And, in which Joseph of Arimathea received Christ’s blood on the cross. As far as I know, nobody has found the Grail yet. It’s rumoured to be in Ethiopia according to Indiana Jones.

    Thus, a Grail quest refers to something that we desire but it is just about impossible to achieve.

    If you’ve spent any time with yourself you’ve no doubt craved something for just you, haven’t you?

    We all want something. And, it’s different for all. What is it for you? Power, money, fame, relationships, status, peace, friendship, harmony, fulfilment, security, cars, houses and heaven?

    Here’s the question, “If you want something, why don’t you already have it?”

    Why is the thing that haunts our dreams so difficult to find? Like the proverbial needle in the haystack?

    I might have an angle, and an answer. But, first let me just put it out there … wanting wealth, power, money and fame is just a sideshow. It’s not why you’re dancing on this planet with your allotted 2-billion or so seconds. In my opinion, you and I are here to get our heart, soul and spirit right. We’re here to stand in awe of the magnificence that we live in. We’re here to live in gratitude for that which we already have and that is still waiting for us.

    So, now that I’ve sucked the fun out of wanting ‘stuff’, let’s go there anyway. Perhaps, the reason we don’t get what we want is because of one word: Excuses.

    Burn your damn excuses!

    I think the human condition is one overflowing with excuses and justification. We always have a reason why we couldn’t, shouldn’t and didn’t.

    We try. We don’t do (stealing the concept from Yoda). Or as Carlos Castaneda wrote, “A warrior lives by acting, not thinking about acting.”

    I believe that if we were to complain less, justify less and make fewer excuses, we would be a lot nearer to our goals.

    We also have an insatiable need to complicate what is simple, don’t we? And, we use complication and the drama we create in our lives as excuses to why we are not where we should be.

    The Gordian Knot

    Let’s go back in time to see if there’s another way to deal with ‘complication’. When he was appointed king, Gordius dedicated his oxcart to Zeus, tying it up in a peculiar knot. An oracle foretold that he who untied the knot would rule all Asia. Many people tried to untie the the ‘Gordian Knot’. It persisted in thwarting everyone for 100 years. Then, in 333 B.C,  23-year-old Alexander the Great arrived in Gordium.

    He couldn’t resist attempting to untie the legendary ‘Gordian Knot’.

    He struggled with it for a while and became more and more frustrated in his attempts. He unsheathed his sword and said, “What does it matter how I loose it?” With one powerful stroke he severed the knot and the whole of Asia opened up to him.

    Perhaps it would be an idea for you and me to stop complicating your lives and making excuses. Stop thinking about acting and start taking action. Cut our ‘Gordian Knot’ so that ‘Asia’ can reveal its splendour to you and me.

    Just burn the haystack. Find the needle. Do it now. Life is too short to mess about, it’s too short for excuses and it’s too short to watch opportunities pass you by. Go for it because as the old saying goes, “we regret more the things we didn’t do than the things we did.”