Whenever Charles Dickens, the author, wrote scathing letters to those who he perceived to have offended him, Catherine, his wife, would always take them to the post office. She never posted them. And, saved him from a world of hurt.
I don’t have a Catherine, so here goes …
Cut. Cut. Cut.
That’s how I started writing the article I was going to send out today.
It was going to be a Jannie Jammergat (Sad Sack) piece calling people out who I perceived to have offended me. I probably would have lost friends, and I can’t afford to lose any more.
As you know, the universe always works for my (and your) good.
I got a phone call from one of my dearest friends. I read some of the article to him, and he said, “What do you hope to gain from this? And, is it the best use of your energy right now?”
Thank you universe for channelling Catherine Dickens right at the moment I needed her.
How often have you reacted instead of responding to a situation? It happens to me more often than I care to admit.
When we’re reacting we are running an unconscious programme, probably from childhood. We often react without thinking (unconscious). I know when I react it’s because I’m hurt. You know the old saying, ‘hurt people hurt people’.
Give me the child, and I’ll give you the man.
Francis of Assisi
Of course, a better way to react to a perceived slight is to respond. This is called being conscious. And, it buys you a second or two so that you can respond appropriately. I’ve often found that the best response is no response.
Think about it: what weakens us is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of our fellow men. Our self-importance requires that we spend most of our lives offended by someone. Only as a warrior can one withstand the path of knowledge. A warrior cannot complain or regret anything.
Carlos Castaneda
It’s becoming apparent to me that whatever is offered to me is a gift even though it doesn’t always feel like it at the time.
The way I generally handle a perceived slight these days is to pause and think, “Mmm, that was eina. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. I wonder why this has triggered me? It needs further investigation. Yay, it’s another opportunity for me to let go of something that’s holding me back.
I then open my heart to the person who has gifted me with this insight and thank them.
Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate.
Carl Jung
Jung’s right, of course, until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life.
Let’s become conscious, you and I. It’s the best response to anything life throws at us.
I woke up around 01h00 this morning. Outside it was deathly quiet. The air was so still that even the squadrons of mosquitoes that plagued me every night couldn’t fly. Their wings found no purchase in nothingness.
It unsettled me.
The wind plucked up and whispered life back into the night and everything was alright.
I’d never given much thought to wind until I started reading the works of Carlos Castaneda and his experience with the Yaqui shaman, Don Juan.
The Yaqui, an indigenous people from Sonora, Mexico, believe that the wind often carries messages from the spirit world.
I’ve become more in tune with nature as a consequence of reading Castaneda and taking an interest in shamanic practices.
Whenever I feel the wind, I look to the trees and shrubs and if I open my perception, and look really carefully, I swear I can see sentience in them. Let’s call them spirits because I can’t think of anything else they could be.
Sometimes they’re benign and sometimes they’re malevolent. I was once running in Walkerville in the early evening on a quiet road surrounded by open fields and Bluegum trees. This wind rustled through the trees following my footsteps. I stopped and the wind stopped. I started, and the wind started. I felt fear. And, at that moment I was reminded of Carlos Castaneda’s words: ‘In a world where death is the hunter, my friend, there is no time for regrets or doubts. There is only time for decisions.’
I decided to run, and run fast, I wasn’t going to die that day.
On another occasion I was running in the morning on a road surrounded by pine trees. The wind whistled through them and I felt the most wonderful sense of peace. I stopped and bathed in it.
Later, when I interrogated both instances, I came to the conclusion that somehow I created these experiences.
In the first instance in Walkerville I remember that I had an extremely negative day.
And, in the second instance, I’d had a beautiful restful night.
Perhaps I’m romanticising this. Who can say?
But, what I definitely know is that my thoughts and attitude at the moment definitely reflect in what happens next. I now stand sentinel over my thoughts and words and guard them vigorously so that nothing negative slips out.
The whispers in the wind are real, and they’ve been made by me.
The sales profession is one of the toughest on the planet. Not because it’s inherently difficult, but because it triggers every foible in the human psyche.
If you’ve ever felt any of these, you’re in the sales profession:
Rejection. The prospect didn’t buy. He doesn’t like me. Just like my father didn’t like me. Nobody likes me. I’m worthless. Daddy, why don’t you love me? I don’t matter.
Imposter syndrome. I closed a big deal. I was just lucky. If he knew the real me he wouldn’t have bought. I’m not good enough. If anyone knew me, they would know I’m a fraud.
Frustration. Another deal lost despite my best efforts. Why are they taking so long to make a decision? Just sign the fucking order.
Despondency. I didn’t hit my target again. I hate seeing my name last on the leaderboard, again. What a loser. Am I going to get fired?
Depression. I can’t deal with another setback. I wonder how many sick days I have left? Am I going to get fired?
Disillusionment. Nobody keeps their word. Humans suck. I suck. My life sucks.
Disgust. I had to exaggerate the features. I didn’t highlight that particular T&C. I don’t really think our product can do that, but it will probably never be put to the test, so we can get away with it. Good grief, I’m a liar. What else do I lie about? I’m a terrible person.
Shame. I couldn’t take the kids camping like I promised because I didn’t get commission this month. We had to go to Wimpy again for our date night. I’m a deadbeat parent and partner.
Perhaps you’re lucky enough to never have felt any of the above. I can’t say I’ve had that luxury.
If misery loves company, then take heart that almost every human being goes through these experiences at some stage or another.
Here’s What Weakens You and Me
These experiences typically come from our expectations of others. And, in the sales profession, it’s highlighted 1000-fold because we always want something from the other. If we’re a sales leader, we want our team to perform. If we’re a sales person, we want our prospects to buy. And, as a human being, we demand validation from others.
This is problematic because it always leaves us feeling weak, disillusioned and disappointed because it seldom turns out how we want it to.
Whenever we want something from another, we put ourselves in a position of weakness. The other can withhold what we want (an order, a promotion, a raise). That puts the other in a position of power. The who can withhold is the one with the power. In sales, prospects and customers always have the power. In work, your boss always has the power (to withhold or give that promotion or raise).
Petty Tyrants
This brings me to the concept of the petty tyrant which first appeared in Carlos Castaneda’s book, The Fire From Within.
He says, “A petty tyrant is a tormentor. Someone who either holds the power of life and death over warriors or simply annoys them to distraction.”
“We know that nothing can temper the spirit of a warrior as much as the challenge of dealing with impossible people in positions of power. Only under those conditions can warriors acquire the sobriety and serenity to stand the pressure of the unknowable.”
I think that petty tyrants are marvellous creatures because without them, we’d never grow as human beings, would we?
And, the sales profession is the best gymnasium in the world to test our mettle in this regard. Petty tyrants (customers, prospects and colleagues) are our gym instructors and drill sergeants. They challenge our comfort zone and test our adaptability and resilience.
Petty tyrants can be seen as a source of frustration and torment, or as a catalyst for personal growth. If you see the former, you’re a victim, not a warrior. In the sales profession, you always want to be a warrior. Of course, you always have choice: do you react as a victim or respond as a warrior?
Castaneda wrote, “The warrior who stumbles on a petty tyrant is a lucky one. If you don’t come upon one in your path, you have to go out and look for one.”
In my experience, the quicker you can find your tormentor, the sooner you toughen up so that you can deal with what life throws at you. As a sales professional, you know that it throws a lot of shit at you, don’t you?
In sales, it’s easy to find petty tyrants. They are referred to as prospects and customers.
If you’re a sales manager, they’re called your team.
Petty tyrants serve as valuable opportunities for growth.
Adaptability. A petty tyrant in sales might be a difficult customer who questions your product’s value or a market trend that threatens your usual sales approach. Instead of resisting change, successful sales professionals adapt their strategies to meet these challenges head-on, ultimately becoming more versatile and resourceful.
Resilience. In the world of sales, facing rejection is a common occurrence. Every rejection can make us feel defeated, but Castaneda’s idea reminds us that these moments are actually opportunities for us to strengthen our emotional resilience. The ability to bounce back and maintain a positive attitude in the face of adversity is a hallmark of successful salespeople.
Continuous Improvement. Sales professionals can use setbacks as opportunities for improvement. Each challenge provides insights into what can be done better, whether it’s refining sales techniques or enhancing product knowledge.
Empathy. Petty tyrants in the form of demanding prospects and customers can teach salespeople to develop greater empathy. Understanding a customer’s pain points and addressing their concerns effectively can turn a challenging situation into a win-win scenario.
The Endeavour of Selling is a Hero’s Journey
A career in sales is a metaphor for life. You can live an average life. Or you can heed the call of adventure and heroically try to make your mark on this world. You’re going to need guidance on this journey, so find mentors that can help take you over the finish line.
You’re going to have a shit ton of challenges, disappointment, and disillusionment. You’re going to get stuffed up, and stuff it up more times than you care to remember. But you get up every time and keep swinging for the bleachers. It’s not in your nature to give up, but to prevail.
But, there’ll come a time when you’ll want to give it up. A time when you see no hope. This is called the dark night of the soul.
Any sales professional worth his or her salt has to go through this. If you’ve never been through it, you’re just not playing this sales game hard enough.
And, you do know that you get out of the hole, don’t you? If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be reading this piece of text now, would you? You’re still in the game, fighting every inch of the way, aren’t you?
Finally, after all your effort you get the reward you deserve. Of course, it does not always come packaged the way you wanted, hence disillusionment and disappointment.
However, if you believe that there’s a greater ingenuity than your own running the show, as I do, then the reward might come in a form that’s way better than you expected for yourself.
Then, as a benevolent and mature human, you take the reward and the lessons learned from the experience, and you share it with your tribe so that they too can benefit. So that they too can deal with their petty tyrants.
Make Art and Have Fun
Finally, have some fun. As Castaneda said, “The idea of using a petty tyrant is not only for perfecting the warrior’s spirit, but also for enjoyment and happiness.”
Like you, I’m an artist, and the joy is in the creating of the art. Crafting a sales pitch, presenting it and using every ounce of skill to convince someone to buy what I have to sell, is joy for me. This makes me happy. Whether my work lands with the prospect or not, it matters not.
That’s not entirely true, of course; I do need to make a living, after all. As a business owner and sales professional, all I know is that if I fail a lot, I’ll succeed a little. And, that little gives me a life I can be proud of.
Don’t take yourself too seriously; remember sales can be fun as long as you don’t react like a victim but respond as a warrior.
If you’re at a crossroads in your sales career (or life for that matter), reframe it as a positive experience. Because it really is … the right and wrong, the good and bad. It’s called being a human.
So, if you’re a sales professional, give it a real go and embrace those petty tyrants. They’re not doing things to you, but rather for you. They’re the steel that sharpens steel.
Let’s do this thing together, you and I. Let’s give it a go. Well probably fuck it up. But let’s have fun while doing it.
Because, as you probably understand by now, in sales at least, the more we fail at this endeavour, the more we succeed at it.
While December 2019 is the season to be jolly, it’s also the season of goal setting. As we approach a new year we set goals for ourselves so that it can be a better year than the one we just had.
This piece of text is a cautionary argument against thinking that goal setting and achieving our goals will be a panacea to all our problems.
The intention of goal setting is human production and not human happiness.
If we understand that goal setting is about improving our performance and increasing our production, then achieving a goal will never lead to disappointment and dissatisfaction.
But as a tool for meaning and purpose, setting goals is a wholly inadequate piece of process. The way goals are sold to us by the so-called self help gurus is that when we achieve them we will feel secure, powerful, fulfilled and happy.
This is a flawed argument. If one doesn’t understand the real purpose of goal setting (as a tool for production towards a result), achieving one’s goals often leads to insecurity, inadequacy,dissatisfaction, disappointment and complications.
How Did Modern-Day Goal-Setting Start?
In the late 19th century, American philosopher Elbert Hubbard said that many people fail in their endeavours; not because they lacked intelligence or courage, but because they did not organise their energies around a goal.
In the 1960s Dr. Edwin Locke began goal setting research and in 1968 he published a paper called, Towards a Theory of Task Motivation and Incentives. He established that appropriate goals do result in superior organisational performance. In other words, goal setting could get more production out of its workers to the benefit of the organisation that employed them.
In 1981 (38 years ago) the SMART Goal acronym appeared in the November issue of Management Review: There’s a S.M.A.R.T way to write management goals and objectives. This piece written by George Doran paved the way for the SMART goal movement … specific, measurable, assignable, realistic and time-based.
Twenty five years ago (1994), Jim Collins and Jerry Porras coined the phrase BHAGs (big hairy audacious goals) while writing their book, Built to Last: Successful Habits of Visionary Companies. BHAGs are stretch goals designed to motivate companies and people to achieve lasting success.
In What Context Does Goal Setting Work?
From an organisational perspective, goal setting works to a point (Some of the 18 companies Collins and Porras said were built to last haven’t held up as well as the sales of their book). From a human happiness, meaning and fulfilment perspective, goal setting is a questionable practice.
Goal setting works in organisations because the masters control the purse strings which always puts the employees in a position of weakness. If you achieve the organisational goal you are rewarded, if not, you are fired. So most employees are in the game of survival because they need to have the security of a paycheque for them to play in this world. From an organisational and human productivity perspective, goal setting is a win-lose game.
The intention of goal setting is human production and not human happiness.
From a human happiness perspective, goal setting is a lose-lose game.
“The best laid schemes of mice and men go awry.” – Robert Burns, Poet
Consider how many dreams you’ve had and how many goals you’ve set. Have you achieved everything you’ve set out to? I can only speak for myself, but when it comes to achieving my goals, I’ve been an abject failure. I reckon that most of the goals I set for myself haven’t materialised. It’s a case of ‘man plans and God laughs’. When it comes to me, God must have fallen off his throne and is rolling on the ground with laughter. I’m in a totally different direction to the one I’ve planned. My life’s a perfect mess and that works for me.
Basing our lives on the results we achieve is not a helpful exercise when it comes to happiness, meaning, significance, purpose and fulfilment. It’s a disastrous notion because if we don’t get the results we want, it makes us feel like insignificant failures which end up in feelings of shame, guilt, envy, jealousy, inadequacy, disappointment, disillusionment, despair, low self-worth, regret, remorse, weak self esteem and depression.
We also have to take into account that the amount we input into a task will not necessarily equate to the desired result. Let’s look at those that we deem to be successful. There are many people with more skill, intelligence and opportunity than the *‘successful ones’ and yet they are in the graveyard of failure. What’s the difference between the ‘successful’ ones and the ‘unsuccessful’ ones. Nassim Talieb, the Lebanese economist and author has a word to explain this difference: randomness. Sometimes (most times?) you just need a little bit of luck. You need to be at the right place at the right time. You need to find the right connection. These random and serendipitous moments don’t happen for all of us. So, no matter how good and industrious we are, we’ll never catch the break we need.
* I use quotation marks because success is relative and cannot be synthesised into how much money one makes or how successful one is in business. There are many factors that attribute to what we call success including, health, family, connection, spirit and the like. Because the world is a feat of perception, success means something different to everyone.
“All paths are the same: they lead to nowhere. Find a path that makes your heart sing.” Carlos Castaneda
Think about the goals you’ve achieved. Has the attainment of the goal really satisfied you? Are you happy even after …? Most of us aren’t.
Goal setting is a Sisyphean task. It feels everlasting and futile because no sooner do you get the heavy rock to the top of the hill and it rolls down again.
Think about it. How often have you achieved a goal and it feels anticlimactic? You knew you were going to reach it and when you did, there was no surprise or wonderment in achieving it.
How often have you achieved a goal and fallen into a depression afterwards? Because the reality is that it was more fun and meaningful doing the process of achieving the goal, than actually achieving it.
How often have you reached a goal and found that it was kinda ‘meh’? It didn’t spark feelings of happiness. It possibly led to feelings of confusion, disappointment and disillusionment. In my case, the achievement of a goal barely raises my pulse. I find out that it is not as amazing as I thought it would be. It’s not actually what I wanted. And, it’s created a new level of complexity when all I was trying to do was to simplify my life.
When it comes to human happiness, goals are lose-lose.
There are many reasons why achieving our goals can be dissatisfying. I’ve noted down some that have come to mind:
We seek the good approbation of others. One of our strongest human needs is to be significant. We crave praise from others. Sometimes we don’t get the praise, or if we do, we feel it’s not enough. In fact, sometimes we get the reverse, other people are envious or jealous of our success and withhold praise and gossip about us. The following saying sums this up beautifully: We buy things that we can’t afford and don’t need to impress people who don’t care.
We seek security. Most of us have a money goal. We need to get money so that we can survive. The money goal is absolutely necessary in the world today if we want to eat, have a roof over our heads and provide for our families. The challenge arises in how much is enough. Human nature is such that the more we have the more we want. And, if we can’t get more, we feel dissatisfied, disillusioned and insecure. Also, the more we have, the more we have to lose … a sure recipe for insecurity. Most of us spend all our time trying to protect what we have. When the grim reaper comes, as he will, inevitably each and everyone is going to lose it all. “No amount of money in your bank account can fill that hole in your chest called insecurity.” Shaykh Ebrahim Schuitema
We come from a place of emptiness. Most of us believe that we were born empty and that’s why we strive to fill this hole in us. It’s a never-ending Sisyphean task. Even when we perceive that we fill a hole, there’s always another one to fill. If we believe we are empty our only course of action is to take as much as we can to fill that emptiness.
There’s always a better gunslinger in town. No matter what we achieve, there’s always someone better than us, more well-off, has a better car and a better house. This leads to envy which motivates you to destroy and attack someone else because you don’t get it yourself. It also leads to jealousy where you compete with someone who has what you want because you feel you can get it.
What’s The Answer?
Set goals for yourself, by all means, but don’t confuse that attainment of the goal with security, happiness, significance, fulfilment and meaning. Achievement of goals are a measure of your production not of your human worth.
Don’t judge your worth by the result you’ve achieved in your life. Because even if you have ‘failed miserably’ by your standards or the standards you perceive others to judge you by, you are still worthwhile to someone. You were created for a purpose, your purpose may just not be apparent to you right now.
Understand that in most instances the work we do (process) gives us more fulfilment and joy than the actual outcome. Do work that makes you proud and the work that is useful and you will feel happier, powerful and fulfilled. The self help gurus have got it right when they say that it’s about the journey, not the destination. If you look at most ‘successful’ people I doubt that most of them thought they’d reach the level of success and fame they did. All they did was to create a magnificent work of art, work at it day in and day out for however long it took and, the rest was history.
“When man achieves his dream, there is neither reason, nor failure, nor victory. What is most important in the Promised Land is not the land, but the promise.” – Jean-Michel Guenassia, The Incorrigible Optimists Club
Work On The Stuff That Matters Or You’ll Be Left In Tatters (alternate title)
I don’t know about you, but when I see a beggar on the street, I feel sorry for him. And guilty. I have so much and he has so little.
But when I reflect that my job on this planet is to get on the path with heart and sort out my soul, is he any worse off than me?
With all that I have been blessed with, am I actually better off where it really counts?
It brings to mind a conversation that Don Juan had with Carlos Castaneda when they were watching street urchins scrounging left-overs from a restaurant.
Don Juan asked Castaneda if he felt sorry for them? He asked him if he felt superior to them? Was he better off than them?
Castaneda affirmed all the questions. I suppose knowing that there was a lesson coming even as the last ‘yes’ left his lips.
Don Juan asked him what made him think that he would find the path before the street urchins?
I’ve reflected on these words for a while and realised that Don Juan is spot on.
When it comes to soul-work, guilt, judging anyone, feeling superior to anyone and feeling sorry for anyone (and, oneself) is a fruitless exercise. We don’t know who will find the path to sorting out his or her soul first (and, it’s not a race). The person we pity could be way down the path to enlightenment. You and I may not even have thought about a path.
We love the Lamborghini more than we do the lamb
In the West we tend to equate success with money, power and possessions. We think that our job is to get stuff and not to work on the stuff inside us. We’ve made stuff our god. We revere Rolex more than reading, we care more for praise (for ourselves) than for prayer, we love the Lamborghini more than we do the lamb and we’d rather be anywhere but here … in this moment. We’re confused and lost. Let me not put this on you and project … maybe I’m confused and lost.
In my opinion, power, money, possessions feed our egos. They distract us from the true purpose: finding a path with heart and doing the work that the soul requires.
There is a strong and valid argument that our quest for stuff could literally be the death of us. Right now, we’re little more than locusts, consuming everything in our path and raping our planet of everything that can sustain us. Our quest for power and to please our ego has already left our souls in tatters … giving us very little room for caring for one another. This drama is not going to end well, that I can promise you.
You’re smart enough to know that by putting each other first we can still fix this planet, we can fix ourselves, we can find a path with heart and we can still sing our soul’s song. We can actually do work that matters. But we’ll have to become a lot less reliant on the notion that the stuff we consume and value right now will make us feel worthwhile.
