Tag: Philosophy

Article 2/365 of Jacques’s Writing Quest

I read Don Miguel Ruiz’s, The Four Agreements. A Practical Guide For Personal Freedom a while ago.

The book explores the four agreements: “Be impeccable with your word”, “Do not take anything personally”, “Do not make assumptions”, and “Always do your best”.

I want to explore, “Be impeccable with your word.”

According to the latest research in a Joe Dispenza interview, 50% of what we talk about regarding our past isn’t even true. And, that’s a discussion for another day.

I don’t know about you, but I have been known to stretch the truth and sometimes downright lie. As a writer, I often need to add fiction to make the story more exciting. But that’s just a way of justifying things to make me feel better. Maybe I’m not just a writer but a bad human. 

The fact is that we all lie to ourselves every day. Just think about some of the stories you believe, even now, that aren’t true. Stories that your parents, teachers and friends sold you. “You’ll never amount to much.” “Children must be seen and not heard.” “You’re going to hell if you don’t believe.”

These stories are patently untrue because you are a masterpiece created to craft a master-work. Thus, you cannot be diminished. Unless you believe you can be. 

For me there are three strong reasons for being impeccable with your word.

1. We diminish ourselves

By not being impeccable with our word, we diminish our worth. Not keeping commitments, even small ones like washing the dishes after we promised to do them, reduces our self-worth and erodes our standing in the consciousness of ourselves and others. I know that when I break a commitment, tell a ‘white lie’ or worse, a whopper, I loathe myself. By the way, just by having read the word ‘loathe’ you have been diminished ever so slightly. This is the power of words, use them carefully.

2. Words create our reality

Our words shape our reality. Words have real power. So, every time we use a negative word, we sabotage ourselves. The other day it occurred to me that if I spoke to my friends like I speak to myself, I’d have no friends. We’re extremely hard on ourselves. We have to change that and become gentle on ourselves. It is difficult not to be negative, especially in the dark times we live in. But, if we want to realise our potential, we need to start couching our words in the positive. The more we do that, the easier things become.

3. We are bullshit detectors

Our connection to all living beings allows us to easily sense when something feels off. When we lie to someone we know it, and they know it. The other person may not say it out loud or may choose to believe a false statement, but deep down, at a subconscious level, they know the truth.

And, because we are all connected, when we hurt the other, we also hurt ourselves. 

Practice speaking carefully to improve ourselves, create the reality we desire, and connect genuinely with others, including those we influence worldwide. 

Article 1/365 of Jacques’s Writing Quest

I never considered non-attachment until someone I loved left me to start a new life overseas.

I’d heard that attachment leads to pain and suffering. And, in my case, and in this instance, it was spot on. I was devastated. It must have taken me a year for me to recover from the ‘loss’ of this soul mate. 

I was in a happy place with her and my desire to stay in this place of happiness caused me to attach. I wanted this happiness to stay forever.

Time has moved on, and I’ve healed. I’ve also had time to explore the concept of non-attachment. I’ve realised that everything is ephemeral. You may argue that a 40-year relationship or a 90-year-old life is a long time, but in the grand scheme of the universe it is but a blink of an eye. 

We are all going to lose something or someone on the way to navigating our way to our final loss; our own demise.

Two tricks I’ve been practising which have served me in good stead recently are to not get attached to an outcome, and that I possess nothing.

Detach from Outcomes

Fortunately, I learned not to get attached to an outcome a long time ago. It has served me well. I’ve tried and failed so many times that if I had to take my failures personally, I don’t think I’d be able to function. I’ve asked countless women out, and perhaps a handful have said yes. And, that was good enough for me. I’ve made thousands of sales calls in my lifetime, and a small percentage of those bought what I had to sell. That’s good enough for me. I’ve played thousands of games of chess, and lost most of them. That’s good enough for me. I’ve been lucky because I see life like a game. And, for me, it’s about the joy of the game. I just want to play the game well, win or lose. 

I Possess Nothing

This is a more difficult concept and another story altogether. I’m so used to saying ‘my’ and ‘mine’ that it is coded into my DNA. That’s a harder habit to kick. It occurred to me that I possess nothing. Yet, I think I do. 

That’s ‘my phone’. ‘My house’. ‘My car’. ‘My cat’. ‘My employee’. ‘My wife’. ‘My child’. It’s a better idea to look at ‘my car’ as a car. ‘My phone’ as a phone. Of course, it’s harder to say a girlfriend than my girlfriend. She probably won’t take kindly to me introducing her as a girlfriend, and I’ll be banished to my couch. It’s harder to say a child than my child. 

Since when has any soul in my orbit become a possession of mine? At best, I’m a custodian of a soul for a brief time. Just because I’m practising non-attachment to another human being, it doesn’t mean that I’m uncaring or disassociated. On the contrary, I’m privileged to have custody of this soul’s well-being for a short time. This is a great responsibility, and one that I tackle with love, kindness and compassion. 

I Was Given An Opportunity To Practise Non-Attachment

This practice of non-attachment came in handy recently after ‘my’ a car that I’m driving at the moment, was trashed by hail outside a restaurant I was visiting. The damage was devastating. Typically, after such an incident, I would have felt regret, remorse and recrimination. “Why did I go out tonight?” “Why can’t I have one night without something going wrong?” “Can’t I catch a break?” “Why does this always happen to me?” This, of course, would lead me down the path of where I think something is being done to me, which is a hop, skip and a jump away from victimhood. 

I have to be honest, when I saw the car, I did have a moment of angst. But because I’ve practised not being attached to ‘my’ a car, I recovered quickly. Also, I was distracted by a car guard who was soaking wet and looked really sorry that he couldn’t protect the car. This beautiful human was way more valuable than my a car. It was more appropriate to give him attention and not the car. I thanked him for looking out for the car and gave him a generous tip.

This was a small victory, but I’m convinced the more I practise non-attachment, the more I’ll keep my equanimity in any situation where I perceive a ‘loss’. 

Thinking of possession as custodianship and accepting that everything and everyone eventually comes to an end, including myself, brings me peace and comfort. That can’t be a bad thing, can it? It’s getting late, and I need to shut down ‘my’ computer and go to ‘my’ bed. Night, night.