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  • Our Side

    Our Side

    Article 12/365 of Jacques’s Writing Quest

    As Dricus du Plessis was crowned UFC Middleweight Champion of the World today, tears of joy streamed down my face. I wasn’t the only one crying at the Molly Malones restaurant in Fourways. Everyone was jumping up and down with joy. I’m sure this was the case throughout South Africa.

    I reflected on all the times I’ve cried and jumped with joy over the years. When Joel Stransky kicked the winning drop goal for the Springboks to win the 1995 Rugby World Cup. All of our Springbok’s World Cup victories so far. I was even overjoyed when Siphiwe Tshabalala scored that amazing goal against Mexico in the 2010 Soccer World Cup. 

    It occurred to me, no matter the creed, no matter the country, we all love it when ‘our side’ wins.

    What does ‘our side’ mean in our journey? The entire humanity would be ‘our side’, I would imagine. 

    Think about it. When we read about someone overcoming adversity, we applaud. We applaud when our child accomplishes something. When we set a plan in motion, and it gets the result we want, we applaud. I can go on, you get the point. We love it when others win.

    I recall when I went on a plant medicine journey (psilocybin) a year back. In one hallucination I’m convinced that I saw the trees opening up to hug me and the plants applauding me.

    That sat with me for months afterwards. I reflected that everything and everyone is built do help ‘our side’ win. We’re all on the same side. The entire ecosystem that we co-exist in can only work optimally if everything sets everything and everyone up to win.

    I suppose that’s why our existence is out of balance because we haven’t differentiated between ‘our side’ and OUR SIDE. One is expedient, short-sighted and selfish. One is appropriate, long-sighted and selfless. If we fail to recognise that we are all on the same team, we will “win the battle, but ultimately lose the war.” (Pyhrrus of Epirus said). It’s known as a pyrrhic victory. The cost is too high, so you win, but you lose.

    Let’s go team. Let’s win for OUR SIDE.

    Article 11/365 of Jacques’s Writing Quest.

  • Embrace Our Better Angels With Kindness

    Embrace Our Better Angels With Kindness

    Article 11/365 of Jacques’s Writing Quest.

    My child teaches me so much – from channeling a Pict at four years old, to appropriateness and kindness.

    I was in Vic Bay, George with them a couple of months ago. A man was sitting on a bench enjoying the view. My child took out their sketch-pad and a pencil, and rendered his moment into a beautiful piece of consciousness. They handed the sketch to him. It was a wonderful thing to see how his face lit up. A small kindness changed a moment from something ordinary into something wondrous.

    Over the years I’ve watched my child compliment people on the street on their dress sense, body art and anything that catches their eye.

    They look for the miracle in the moment and then point it out to the other so that both can enjoy that moment. 

    They are empathy and kindness epitomised.

    I try to emulate them because I’m not always kind. Every time I’m kind to another being my heart opens, and I’m at peace. It occurred to me what I do to the other, the other does to me. When I open my heart to the other, their heart opens to me. 

    Of course, it shouldn’t surprise me because I’m connected to all 8-billion souls on this planet, and the countless beyond. When I see you, I see me. When I love you, I love me. When I hurt you, I hurt me.

    There’s no doubt that the world is in turmoil today. As a species we haven’t embraced our better angels but our darkest demons. There’s a reason for this.

    Most of us live in lower and denser frequencies, not in the frequency of our better angels. According to author, David Hawkins, who measured consciousness, 85% of the sentient resonate under 200 hertz. These are the frequencies of shame (20 hertz), guilt, apathy, grief, fear, desire, anger and pride.

    If we see the atrocities in today’s conflicts, and all those that have come before, there are no good or bad guys. There are only bad guys, or more accurately, only the lower conscious and cruel. This is the place where demons thrive.

    In this regard, none of us can go to our default setting of justification (why we are right, and the other is wrong). There’s absolutely no justification for the slaughter that has ravaged this planet since we became sentient and conscious.

    “You can put lipstick on a pig, but it is still a pig.” 

    According to Hawkins, courage (200+) is the fulcrum that swings us from humiliation (shame) to the ineffable (enlightenment). From this beachhead we move up the levels of consciousness: neutrality, willingness, acceptance, reason, love, joy, peace and enlightenment (1000 hertz). 

    To shift this planet from humiliation to pure consciousness, someone has to make the first move.

    It may as well be you and I. What do you say? Let’s start with something small. Let’s gather the courage to be kind to others by being kind to ourselves first. From that small beginning, who knows what we can achieve?

    I’m excited about that prospect. Join me and embrace our better angels so that we can shift consciousness. Enlightenment really is our ultimate destiny, isn’t it? Let’s go and do that, you and I. 

    Thank you, my darling child, for helping me embrace my better angels. You and your generation are the fulcrum that’s going to move the world. I can’t wait to see what you’ll become and what you’ll create.

  • Head Beating Heart

    Head Beating Heart

    Article 10/365 of Jacques’s Writing Quest

    Today, I am feeling immensely frustrated. My coach, Claudina Hafenscher reminded me today that I’m still too in my head and not enough in my heart. 

    She’s right of course. I’m struggling and failing to do that. It’s not from lack of trying. I’ve been intentional about becoming a heart-centred person since 2015 where I spent nearly two years at the Sufi spiritual retreat.

    Claudina keeps catching me saying, “I think …” instead of “I feel …”

    In my unguarded moments I know that I feel because I cry a lot. Don’t laugh, or do, it’s of no consequence, the thing that gets the waterworks going are romantic comedies. “Love Actually”, “Love At First Sight” and “Leap Year” get my ugly cry going. Mama Mia, it’s all too much. 

    But, when I’m back in the world, I ‘think’ I’m in my head, mostly. 

    Two and a half years ago I met someone who is the epitome of heart-centredness. It was a wonderful experience, and she taught me a lot about matters of the heart. I think feel that for our short journey together my heart opened up, and it felt fantastic. 

    I was astounded at her success as a healer and coach. She had no website, rarely posted on social media except for posting photos of her delicious cakes, and looked at me blankly when I mentioned marketing. She worked online mostly and coached three to five people a day. I asked her how she attracted her clients. She said that she welcomes everyone with an open heart.

    At first, I believed it was all witchcraft and heresy. However, as I got to know her better and witnessed her success, I started to embrace the idea of an open heart.

    There’s enough science to back the concept up too. 

    The heart generates an electrical field with an amplitude 60 times greater than the electrical field of the brain. The electromagnetic field (EMF) of the heart, measured externally by a superconducting quantum interference device (SQUID), is 1000 times stronger than the field produced by the brain. It is the largest electro-magnetic field in the body, extending to a currently measurable distance of more than five metres from the body. Source: Awakening the Child Heart: Handbook for the Global Parenting

    The heart is an intelligent system. In the new field of neurocardiology, for example, scientists have discovered that the heart possesses its own intrinsic nervous system—a network of nerves so functionally sophisticated as to earn the description of a “heart brain.” Containing over 40,000 neurons, this “little brain” gives the heart the ability to independently sense, process information, make decisions, and even to demonstrate a type of learning and memory. Source: HeartMath

    About 18 months ago my heart closed off and all the good work was undone. My head is beating my heart. 

    I think feel that it might be an idea to reconsider my favourite quote from Carlos Castaneda: “Find a path with heart,” and find a path with “my heart”.

    Let’s see how that plays out.

  • Don’t Help. Love

    Don’t Help. Love

    Article 9/365 of Jacques’s Writing Quest

    The one sure-fire way to turn friends into strangers is by trying to rescue them.

    A friend and I were having a chat the other day, and we realised that we both suffered from the same affliction. We’re rescuers. We like to ride in on our horse like a knight and save the day. We agreed that it was a sad attempt to seek validation from others to feel useful. 

    I’ll tell you this much: the rescuing affliction has brought me and the person I’m trying to rescue more frustration and hurt than it’s worth. It has lost me more friends than any other mischief I’ve ever gotten up to. 

    “No good deed goes unpunished.” Oscar Wilde

    One of the primary ways I rescue is by giving of my one small talent: free marketing and sales advice.

    It occurred to me that even though some people say they want help at some level they really don’t want to be helped. And, it goes deeper than that; they can’t be helped. Not because they’re not worthy of help but because they’re not in a place where they can accept help. Sometimes they’re located in loathing, shame, apathy, hatred, guilt and anger. These lower frequencies allow no space for help.

    I had three interesting experiences with friends within a week while trying to help them with marketing advice. The detail is not important here; suffice it to say that all three thought that my advice was going to add too much friction and complexity to their lives. 

    The rascal called ego thought, “Let’s see how much friction and complexity you have in your life if your business tanks.”

    “Help me help you.” Jerry Macguire 

    I didn’t take an affront to their attitudes because I know they’re doing the best they can with what they have, and where they’re at. I can’t help them until they’re ready. It’s not lost on me that this is the biggest arrogance – that I think that they need help, and that I’m the one to help them. 

    I may not be able to help them, and I probably shouldn’t because they’re where they need to be, but I can love them. And, here’s a thought I can love me by not rescuing others. Rescuing myself is already a challenging task. All the time I spend helping and rescuing others, I could spend on myself. Maybe that’s how I can move the dial on consciousness for the brief time I get to play here?

    Of course, you’re smart enough to know that I’m not talking about marketing help. I’m talking about all the people in our lives that we’re trying to help, including family, friends, and strangers. They can’t be helped until they have the courage to be helped. But they can be loved. Let’s do that, you and I, let’s love them. And, better yet, let’s love ourselves.

  • Why I (sort of) Chose Marketing As A Career

    Why I (sort of) Chose Marketing As A Career

    Article 8/365 of Jacques’s Writing Quest

    I’m not sure that marketing was my first choice. If I’m honest, it was to be a time traveller. But until Elon Musk invents a time machine, I’ll have to cool my heels. A flâneur had huge appeal to me. Lounging around Parisian coffee shops and observing society is a cool gig if you can get it. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a trust fund, so that one went out the window. I toyed with the idea of becoming a philosopher like my father until I realised that there are no philosophy factories giving out jobs and I didn’t want to take a vow of poverty.

    I’m not even sure that there was a grand design to me going into marketing. After two years of compulsory military service, I decamped in 1982. I studied public relations, worked in PR firms and became a PR copywriter for a mining company. I also gained experience in crisis management while working for a communications company. Later, I joined an advertising agency and eventually started my own business in 2000.

    But, there may have been a grand design, albeit, subtle. 

    It was my father, you see, that led me to marketing. He was pregnant with potential. He had everything going for him and an intellectual pedigree to boot. 

    He came from a wealthy family. He got a double doctorate (philosophy and theology), both summa cum laude, from the University of Zurich. He was taught by the renown Swiss theologian, Emil Brunner. He was present at lectures given by Carl Jung. He had a music degree and played the violin for a symphony orchestra. He was a Dutch Reformed minister until his excommunication in 1960 for speaking against apartheid. He became a member of the Christian Institute, alongside Beyers Naude and Ben Engelbrecht. He authored three books and finally ended his career as a political analyst and/or spy.  

    Ironically, with this rich background, he became neither rich nor famous. In fact, my two brothers and I had to support him for 10 years+ until he passed in 2000.

    I’m convinced that if my father knew how to market his gifts he would have been the Jordan Peterson of his era and have made a decent living. To be fair, there weren’t the marketing tools and reach that we have today, available then. 

    That’s what drives my career path today. I see too many people who are like my father taking a vow of poverty. People like you who are geniuses, people like you that should be playing on a bigger stage and people like you who can really make a difference in this world, languishing in oblivion.

    I’m convinced that marketing would make all the difference to those people. To you. 

    Don’t be like my father. Embrace marketing and share your gift because, right now, there’s someone out there that needs what you have to offer. Don’t deprive them of the privilege of having you serve them.

  • Success: Determinism or Fatalism?

    Success: Determinism or Fatalism?

    Article 7/365 of Jacques’s Writing Quest

    For each of us, the definition of success is different. But, for today’s mind exercise, let’s assume its career/financial success.

    I read somewhere that success is a choice. To achieve anything you want, just choose success and follow certain principles. You determine your outcome.

    I think that’s a flawed argument. It’s much more nuanced than that.

    Let me ask you, how many of us make a commitment to succeed, have the right mindset, do what we say we’re going to do, are ‘good people’, have an amazing support structure, visualise, do affirmations, practice manifestation exercises and still haven’t achieved ‘success’?

    Here’s another view. Success is based on luck or a word called ‘randomness’. Think about the usual suspects of success – Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Richard Branson, Warren Buffet, Elon Musk et al. There are hundreds of thousands of entrepreneurs in the graveyard of failure that came from richer families, are better educated and had more opportunity.

    Think on it, you had no choice of the parents you were born to. This was luck, God, destiny, fate … whatever you want to call it. You could have been born to a Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Black, White, Chinese, rich, poor, dysfunctional family. This very act changed the trajectory of your life. So, Gates, Branson, Buffet and Musk had a bit of luck.

    Gates went to a school that had one of the first computer centres in America. If he went to an art school, there may not have been a Microsoft.

    Talking about art. In his youth, Adolf Hitler wanted to become an artist. But his dreams were ruined because he failed the entrance exam of the Academy of Fine Arts Vienna. Hitler was rejected twice by the institute, once in 1907 and again in 1908.

    Imagine if Hitler became an artist, how would the world we live in today be different?

    Read Outliers. The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell and Fooled By Randomness by Nassim Taleb, and you’ll get how luck plays a massive part in success.

    The definition of luck according to Gladwell is where knowledge and opportunity dissect.

    Luck favours the prepared.

    So, keep on being the best you can be, keep on reading, keep on learning, keep on growing, keep on showing up, because one day, you might meet the person, read something or learn something, that could change the trajectory of your life.

    And, I’ll leave you with the hardest question. What if you do everything right according to all the success scripts out there, and you still fail at achieving your goals? Then this exercise called life would be a disaster, wouldn’t it?

    For me the trick is to not base my worth and success on my outcomes, but rather on the experiences I’ve had. Because, by God, I have failed at more things than I care to imagine. If I based my worth on those failures, I’d be in a desolate place. But, heck, all my failures and rare successes have given me the most amazing experiences. I live this life as fully as I can, and do the best I can, and that is enough for me.

  • After Anger, Problem Still

    After Anger, Problem Still

    Article 6/365 of Jacques’s Writing Quest

    I was brought up in a home where anger was the abiding language. This left my mother, me and my two siblings scared and scarred. The ghosts of that time still slither around my mind and sometimes affect the way I deal with things. 

    My stepfather’s inner journey could only have been one of pain and suffering. I know that he had lots of reasons to be angry, and today I am able to empathise with what he was going through.

    As a child, not so much. Empathy towards him was not a word that was in my lexicon. Fear, shame, guilt and anger were on my playing field.

    Look What You Made Me Do

    I still recall the words he used after an episode: “Now look what you’ve made me do.”

    Those words imply that one is blaming outside circumstances for one’s behaviour.

    By now, you already know that if you blame outside circumstances, you go straight into the victim zone. It means that you don’t have control and mastery over yourself and that you react based on a programme within you. 

    I used to get angry at situations that I thought caused me discomfort. My hair trigger temper sent out daggers of devastating words that destroyed all in their path. 

    The daggers came back as Cortisol and made me feel defeated, drained, anxious, guilty, and ashamed.

    I quickly learned that anger was not helpful; I lost friends and myself.

    At a practical level, anger is a useless emotion. Let’s say that your geyser bursts and messes up your home, and you lose the plot. There’s no point in getting angry because all it’s doing is making you ill. If people are watching you, it makes you appear as an ill-tempered, undisciplined brat who cannot control your emotions. It weakens you. And, after anger, the problem still remains. You still have to sort out the burst geyser. If I were channelling Yoda, I’d say something like, “After anger, problem still.”

    Become aware that every time you get angry you are blaming an external situation for your woes. If you do that, you lose your power and become a victim of circumstance. 

    You and I are not ill-mannered children that react unconsciously; we’re adults with a level of maturity to be able to respond consciously and courteously. Let’s choose that because “After anger, problem still.”

  • Everybody was kung fu fighting

    Everybody was kung fu fighting

    Article 4/365 of Jacques’s Writing Quest

    Everybody was Kung Fu fighting.

    Those cats were fast as lightning.

    In fact, it was a little bit frightening.

    But they fought with expert timing.

    I love this song by Carl Douglas. Listen to it here. It’s certain to uplift your spirits. 

    I practised Kung Fu in the early nineties and entered a couple of sparring tournaments. I loved Kung Fu. The discipline and focus of it all. It’s an elegant style of fighting and something beautiful to watch.

    I remember when I used to fight in competitions. The fighting started beautifully. It was an elegant and eloquent work of art encased in a tapestry of fluid movement and effortless flow. 

    The fighting was intense and tiring (3 x 3-minute rounds). As the fighting progressed, and the contestants got tired and hurt, it started to lose its shape. Near the end, elegance and eloquence flew out the window. It became nothing more than a common bar-room brawl. Head down, swinging wildly, hoping to hit something. 

    When “The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry” (Robert Burns), we go to our default programming. 

    I strive to live my life in flow – elegantly and eloquently. It has become apparent to me that I have a lot of work to do on that front. Sometimes, when I face difficulties, I tend to forget my good intentions and instead fall back on blaming and complaining.

    This default setting puts me straight into victim mode. The programmers were good and coded me with shame, apathy, guilt, fear and anger. Maybe they did that to you too? Victimhood is not a path that is helpful. We can all get off that path and programme another one that is more helpful.

    After all, as Carlos Castaneda said, “A path is only a path, and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you.”

    We can programme a better path for ourselves, one where mastery and not victimhood becomes our default setting. 

    The keystrokes of courage, awe, gratitude, love, joy and peace will help us on the way to our highest aspiration: Enlightenment.

    Let’s do that, you and I. Let’s play this game elegantly and eloquently. That’s a better way to live, don’t you think?

  • How Secure Are You?

    How Secure Are You?

    Article 5/365 of Jacques’s Writing Quest

    One of our biggest drivers is to feel safe and secure. 

    I remember a story by my teacher, Shaykh Ebrahim Schuitema, that completely changed my understanding of security.

    He spoke about owning a house which is one of the cornerstones of feeling secure in our perception.

    He asked me to imagine that vandals would come to my house and trash it. When I come home from work and see the damage they’ve done, I’m appalled and upset. 

    I spring into action to make sure that this doesn’t happen again and that I protect my home. I sign up with my neighbourhood protection service, get an alarm and an electrified fence. And, for good measure, I bought an attack dog. 

    He then asked me to imagine that I’m walking in the street and getting mugged. I put up a fight and got soundly beaten up. I limp home battered and bedraggled. As I enter my home, does my house say to me, “Good grief, Jacques, what happened?” “How can I help you?”  “I’m going to hunt down those muggers?”

    Of course the house doesn’t say anything. In fact, if someone murdered me and slept in my bed, the house wouldn’t give two hoots. 

    Who is protecting whom?

    We live in an impermanent world. Nothing is secure and everything can be taken away from us in a heartbeat. No marriage is completely secure. No job is secure. Health is never guaranteed. Possessions aren’t secure. 

    From one perspective, this is a depressing thought. From another perspective, this is liberating. 

    Don’t take anything for granted. Live each second as if it’s your last. Appreciate every moment. Be grateful, generous, and kind.

    I feel that the Buddhists have it right when they talk about non-attachment. Attaching to anything makes one feel less secure, that’s for sure. 

  • Comfort Zones and Danger Zones

    Comfort Zones and Danger Zones

    Article 3/365 of Jacques’s Writing Quest

    If you think about your average day, you probably do 90% of the things the same. Shower the same, eat breakfast at the same time, take the same route to work, etc. 

    If you want to change your life, doing the same things every day won’t lead to different results.

    Einstein was spot on: No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.

    Making the changes you desire requires courage. This is because they will require effort and involve some level of suffering, such as the learning curve, overcoming obstacles, and setbacks. Change also takes us into the unknown, which can be a scary place. Or a place of wonder and adventure. It just depends on your perspective. 

    When things get difficult and the road is too hard, many of us go back into our comfort zone. Our safe zone. Unfortunately, our safe zone becomes our danger zone because it becomes a prison preventing us from reaching our goals. In my experience, nothing ever changes for me when I’m in my comfort zone prison.

    It is only when I venture into the unknown that I can truly create what I want for myself. Is it scary? Of course, it is. Is there risk? Yes. Could there be something wonderful in the unknown? Yes, and there is. The unknown can spark an entirely new adventure. Something that makes my heart sing and brings me closer to the enlightenment I seek.

    No path to becoming the best version of you is ever easy. If it were, what would be the point? Creating a diamond requires immense pressure. The crucible of adversity, suffering and challenge is what forges you and me into the powerful beings that we are becoming.

    We have the choice to either shine like diamonds or remain dull like stones. Accepting the challenge to step out of our comfort zones and into the unknown will determine that