Tag: failure

  • Let the fiasco of failure fuel your fire

    Let the fiasco of failure fuel your fire

    My beloved child has just turned 16. They’ve been struggling for close on five years with the way they relate to the world (more like forever). They are an empath to the highest degree. Think when you ‘ugly cry’ in a sad movie and multiply that by 10. The pain and suffering in the world eviscerates their heart with the glass shards staying in for weeks.

    Something had to give and they untethered from this reality. The cutting, the deep depression, the hopelessness of it all were manifest to their turmoil.

    Their mother and I tried everything to help her get their feet back onto the ground. We have employed shamans, Reiki masters, NLP practitioners, psychologists, you name it. All for nought. I’ve begged, pleaded and bargained with Allah to give me their pain so that they don’t suffer. That’s not on the cards either, apparently.

    Long story short, since April they’ve been to a state psychiatrist who prescribed pills to help balance them chemically. It has been nothing short of a miracle. They’re back. They’re human. They’re sentient. They’re love. They’re joy.

    I thought our family was broken. It’s not. It is fractured and healable.

    Separation from Reality

    But, this is only the backstory to my own separation from reality and diving into the darkness that sometimes enfolds me.

    They live in George with their mother, Simone’. I was visiting my child a month or so ago. Simone’ said to me, “Why don’t you take Aruna to the clinic to fetch her pills.”

    Now I’m thinking that we’re going to a mainstream clinic … a Medicross kinda vibe. Aruna directs me to the clinic through a local township. I’m thinking that this is one hell of a fucking detour to get to the clinic. “Turn here,” they say. To my horror we drive into a car park where a mass of people trying to get into a nondescript building … evidently, the clinic.

    When we get inside it’s like a dystopian nightmare, Covid be fucked. Bodies pressed together, sick festering souls, all screaming for solace, pain relief and peace.

    My child is taking this all in her stride. Clearly, this is not her first rodeo. This is her reality. She’s at peace.

    I, on the other hand, am having a breakdown. I excuse myself and go outside as tears of frustration, disappointment and self loathing start pouring out of me.

    You’re a fuck up

    How is it that I got myself into this financial situation where I can’t take my child to a private psychiatrist and get her medications from a Dischem? How is it that I’ve failed so miserably to provide for my family? How is it that my mother was right when she said I was a fuck up, a fiasco of failure and a disappointment to others, just like I was to her?

    This was my Damascene moment. This was my rock bottom. My wake up call.

    Right then, in that dystopian car park of Hades I decided to show up differently. Take back my power which I’ve been giving away for years (maybe lifetimes). I decided to stop suffering and to stop the self loathing and to embrace the untold gifts that await me (and you), if I only decided to accept them.

    The changes were subtle and profound.

    • I allowed my partner in so that she could really love me.
    • I decided that it’s ok to make bucketloads of money like I used to.
    • I decided that it’s ok to love myself unconditionally.
    • I decided to take back my power from those I’ve given it to.

    Miracles do Happen

    It’s been a miracle since I shifted my perception.

    • From couch surfing for the last couple of years, I now have a 3 bedroom place that I can call home. My own.
    • Work is flowing in.
    • Soon, Allah-willing more money will flood in and, I’ll be able to manifest what I want: To be with those that I love, to travel and to live.

    So, perhaps it is like they say: You have to hit rock bottom and smash against the wall before you can truly heal. In the Hero’s Journey this would be the ‘dark night of the soul’. Where hopelessness, separation, desolation, abandonment and doubt feed off you, stripping you down to a no thing.

    I don’t recommend hitting rock bottom – it’s hell, let nobody kid you about it. It tears your mind apart, it shreds your soul and eviscerates your emotions. It brings out your shadow and everything ugly about you. You vomit out the bile that’s been your life up until now. But, once you are purged, it opens up the possibility of something new.

    Redemption

    Go now. Don’t hit rock bottom. I wouldn’t recommend it. Go make a choice now to change things you don’t like. Take back your power. Stand in your power. Raise your vibration, raise the world.

    We can do this together, you and I.

    I love you, Jacques.

  • The Shallows

    The Shallows

    I was at the beach a couple of weeks ago. When I swam I stayed in the shallows.

    Every now and again, I’d spot a small fish or some sea shells.

    It was pleasant enough. But after a while I got bored. Seriously, one can only body surf for so much.

    When I’m at the sea, I always want swim deeper and further out. I never do. The bottom line is that I’m scared. I’m not a great swimmer and I’ve seen Jaws.

    This means when it comes to the sea, I’ll pretty much always wallow in the shallows and never venture out to unknown adventure.

    I worry that I conduct my life the same way.

    I stay in the shallow, safe and superficial world. This limits my experience to the house I live in, the neighbourhood I stay in, the stores I shop at and the people I hang out with.

    I strive for things that I can see – houses, cars, food and friends.

    If I had the courage to don a wet suit and scuba tank, I could go deeper into the sea and discover the many beautiful and astounding creatures that are hidden from me.

    I could have a fuller and richer experience.

    I know the same is true for me when I go deeper into myself. When I try and connect with my soul my experiences are more fulfilling.

    But, if I go too deep, I get scared of what I might find. I’m scared that the demons and angels will give me the answers I seek so that I actually have to man up and do the work in front of me. That, of course is getting to my final destination in good shape through the experiences of now.

    I’m not brave enough to take charge and be really happy. I then leave the depths and come back to the shallows where I feel safe. Where I think I have some semblance of control.

    But the shallows are a deceptively dangerous place to be. A shark can take me in a couple of feet of water, blue bottles can sting me and shells can cut me.

    The same goes for thinking that I can remain a surface dweller, safe and sound in a world that’s familiar to me.

    Dangers lurk there too. You know it and I know it.

    There are risks associated with both staying in the shallows and going deep.

    Staying in the shallows stops me from having a rich, full experience of this gift that I have been given … life.

    Going inward and deeper has the potential to free me to become a creature of grace and gratitude.

    But, it’s hard to be free because I’m used to being a slave. I’m used to pandering to the whims of my many masters so that they can feed me the scraps from the table.
    It’s the safer option … being a slave. The harder option is being free but potentially starving to death.

    But, what if I’m free and I thrive? What would that mean?

    I have faith that if I go deep and set myself free, there’s no way I’ll starve. I’ll have abundance and way more than is my due.

    Let’s go swim, you and I. Let’s go deep.

    Jacques de Villiers helps organisations, professional speakers, authors and entrepreneurs triumph through: sales training, motivational speaking and consulting.