Tag: attitude change

  • Burn the Haystack. Find the Needle.

    Burn the Haystack. Find the Needle.

    I’ve no doubt that you’ve heard the idiom “Like looking for a needle in a haystack.”

    It’s based on the idea that it’s hard to find a sewing needle in a haystack. It means when something is almost impossible to find.

    It got me thinking about the Holy Grail and the Arthurian legends attached thereto. Just in case you’re not up to speed. The Holy Grail was the cup used by Christ in the last supper. And, in which Joseph of Arimathea received Christ’s blood on the cross. As far as I know, nobody has found the Grail yet. It’s rumoured to be in Ethiopia according to Indiana Jones.

    Thus, a Grail quest refers to something that we desire but it is just about impossible to achieve.

    If you’ve spent any time with yourself you’ve no doubt craved something for just you, haven’t you?

    We all want something. And, it’s different for all. What is it for you? Power, money, fame, relationships, status, peace, friendship, harmony, fulfilment, security, cars, houses and heaven?

    Here’s the question, “If you want something, why don’t you already have it?”

    Why is the thing that haunts our dreams so difficult to find? Like the proverbial needle in the haystack?

    I might have an angle, and an answer. But, first let me just put it out there … wanting wealth, power, money and fame is just a sideshow. It’s not why you’re dancing on this planet with your allotted 2-billion or so seconds. In my opinion, you and I are here to get our heart, soul and spirit right. We’re here to stand in awe of the magnificence that we live in. We’re here to live in gratitude for that which we already have and that is still waiting for us.

    So, now that I’ve sucked the fun out of wanting ‘stuff’, let’s go there anyway. Perhaps, the reason we don’t get what we want is because of one word: Excuses.

    Burn your damn excuses!

    I think the human condition is one overflowing with excuses and justification. We always have a reason why we couldn’t, shouldn’t and didn’t.

    We try. We don’t do (stealing the concept from Yoda). Or as Carlos Castaneda wrote, “A warrior lives by acting, not thinking about acting.”

    I believe that if we were to complain less, justify less and make fewer excuses, we would be a lot nearer to our goals.

    We also have an insatiable need to complicate what is simple, don’t we? And, we use complication and the drama we create in our lives as excuses to why we are not where we should be.

    The Gordian Knot

    Let’s go back in time to see if there’s another way to deal with ‘complication’. When he was appointed king, Gordius dedicated his oxcart to Zeus, tying it up in a peculiar knot. An oracle foretold that he who untied the knot would rule all Asia. Many people tried to untie the the ‘Gordian Knot’. It persisted in thwarting everyone for 100 years. Then, in 333 B.C,  23-year-old Alexander the Great arrived in Gordium.

    He couldn’t resist attempting to untie the legendary ‘Gordian Knot’.

    He struggled with it for a while and became more and more frustrated in his attempts. He unsheathed his sword and said, “What does it matter how I loose it?” With one powerful stroke he severed the knot and the whole of Asia opened up to him.

    Perhaps it would be an idea for you and me to stop complicating your lives and making excuses. Stop thinking about acting and start taking action. Cut our ‘Gordian Knot’ so that ‘Asia’ can reveal its splendour to you and me.

    Just burn the haystack. Find the needle. Do it now. Life is too short to mess about, it’s too short for excuses and it’s too short to watch opportunities pass you by. Go for it because as the old saying goes, “we regret more the things we didn’t do than the things we did.”

  • Curb your judgement

    Curb your judgement

    After his book launch an author complained that one of his best friends never bought his book. He ranted, saying that he expected his friend to support him by buying his book. He got nods of agreement from the the rantees.

    The author went as far as saying that he was prepared to terminate the long-standing friendship because of this ‘shameful’ behaviour. All, once again nodded in agreement. Except for one.

    He asked, “Is it true that your friend had to buy your book?” He went on to ask if it wasn’t conceivable that the friend expected the author to maybe give him the book for free because of the virtue of their long-standing friendship?

    He also asked if the author was prepared to break up a friendship over the price of a R150 book? The same friend who had helped the author out of many a tight spot and had been nothing but supportive throughout the blood, sweat and tears that writing brings out of one.

    It is easy to get on one’s high horse and judge someone for a perceived slight. But, who knows that person’s situation? The friend may have been going through a hard time financially and just managed to scrape enough money for the petrol to get to the book launch. The friend may be an inch away from debtors prison, his wife may be leaving him and he is barely hanging on. You see, one doesn’t always know the other side of the story.

    Take taxi drivers for instance. A seriously easy (and mostly-deserved) target for our ire. Generally, they’re hated for the way they take over the road, cut in front of us, stop at will and break every rule of the road. Monsters, one and all, aren’t they?

    But, is this true?

    From my understanding, a taxi driver has to make a set sum of money for his boss before he starts making any money for himself. Let’s call it R1 500. This means that he has to get as many passengers into his vehicle and drop them off as quickly as possible so that he can do this again and again and again. He may only start making money for himself late in the afternoon and could walk away with the princely sum of R200 for being up before the crack of dawn. This kind of pressure can’t possibly lead to sterling behaviour.

    Remember, like us he is a parent, a husband, a son and a human being. He is just trying to do the best he can do under the circumstances. Just like you and me. Perhaps our judgement should go to the taxi bosses whose yoke enslaves these drivers?

    My housekeeper was late for the umpteenth time. I got angry with her. She explained, that for the piddly (my words) R150 a day I paid her to clean up my mess, she had to get up at 4 am and catch two taxis. Then she had to do the same going back home. I can’t remember the detail, but her taxi fare was in the region of R70. So, her take home pay was R80. I don’t know about you, but I’m not sure I would go through the stress she does to work for R80 a day.

    I don’t get angry with her much anymore.

    I’m mindful that the universe doesn’t revolve around me, that other people have their own issues, hopes and dreams. And, that whilst I’m judging them, they too may be judging me because my behaviour is strange and abhorrent to them too. Perhaps a better way is to look at every situation with curiosity rather than with judgement.

    [author] [author_image timthumb=’on’]https://www.jacquesdevilliers.co.za/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Screen-Shot-2015-06-20-at-11.43.17-AM.png[/author_image] [author_info]Jacques de Villiers is the strategic account director for the Jacques de Villiers Group. He helps set both his clients and his partners up to succeed. For his own account he speaks and trains on, personal excellence, leadership, marketing and copywriting.[/author_info] [/author]

  • From superficial to stupendous

    From superficial to stupendous

    Have you ever experienced the relief when a car alarm that has been going off for the last hour, stops?

    Suddenly you can take a breath and think clearly again.

    But, if it isn’t a car alarm, it’s some other distraction that’ll keep us out of our heads.

    I love distraction because the reality is that it stops me from thinking. More specifically, it stops me from thinking about myself. And, it stops me from living an authentic life.

    I like to keep it light and superficial because sometimes it is hard to deal with myself. I don’t want to have to ask (and answer) questions like, “why am I where I’m at?”, “am I happy and do I even know what will make me happy?”, “why am I not achieving my goals?”.

    Because if I’m forced to answer these questions I might not be happy with what comes out.

    I may just come to the realisation that I’m 100% responsible for the how my life has turned out. And, when I have nobody to blame but myself … that’s a bitter pill to swallow. Because once you come to that realisation that there’s nowhere to hide, then you have to deal with yourself. And, that can be hard.

    Thus, I keep myself busy so that I don’t have to face the reality of what I have created … my life.

    Theologian Frederich Buechner puts it more eloquently than I ever could, “We shy away from introspection because however fearful the surface seems, we fear the depths still more.

    Of course we fear the depths and try and keep things light and on the surface. But, it is only when we go deep that we can really figure things out for ourselves.

    And, when we truly plumb the depths of our hearts and souls and realise that, yes, we really are 100% responsible for creating our world, it can be quite liberating.

    Because if we’re 100% responsible, we have the power to change any situation we’re in right now.

    So, if you’re not happy with something in your life, you have the choice to do something about it right now.

    Take yourself off the grid for a while and shut the ‘alarm’ off so that you can come to grips with who you really are.

    Have the courage to go deep so that you can turn your life from superficial to stupendous. The journey is worth it, I promise you.

    Photo by Zsolt Zsigmond 

  • Gold or God

    Gold or God

    I was thinking about North and South America the other day as one does when one is sitting in Benoni at a Spur restaurant.

    For some reason I was thinking about why North America was ‘wealthy’ and that South America wasn’t. One is ‘first world’ and the other is well … ‘third world’.

    I have a notion that when the Spanish settled in South America they went there for the gold. When the Pilgrim Fathers went to North America they went for God.

    The focus on spirit and something bigger than themselves and gold gave the Pilgrims an unshakeable purpose. They went to America to find the religious freedom they couldn’t get in Britain at the time.

    I think that’s what made all the difference.

    So, maybe this is true for us too. When we’re so focused on our paycheques and lose sight of what’s important we have third-world thinking.

    I believe that the human being was put on this earth for something more than just the gold.

    We were put here to answer a calling and to follow a path with heart. Of course, the trick is for each of us to find that calling in our own way.

    And, that’s the tough part. To find our purpose we need to take that road less travelled by and go in search of knowledge. We need to use the knowledge to fight and overcome our inner battles so that we can find the authentic essence within in us. We need to be clear as to how we can make something meaningful in the short space of time we have.

    I, like you, live in the real world too. So, I’m not against ‘gold’ at all. I’m mindful that when we feel insecure because we don’t have the means, purpose and meaning can fall by the wayside. I’m just saying that gold must not be our focus because there’s no way it can make us happy, ultimately.

    In our striving for purpose and meaning I’m of the opinion that we would be better served by focusing on Saraswati (the goddess of knowledge, music and art) and not on Lakshmi (the goddess of wealth).

    You already know how it works, don’t you? When we focus on Saraswati, Lakshmi gets curious and follows.

    When you find your purpose your heart will sing and good fortune will follow.

  • Attention is superior to intention

    Attention is superior to intention

    It was when I was rereading Etsko Schuitema’s Intent: Exploring the Core of Being Human the other day that I came across this aphorism: Attention is Superior to Intention.

    Eckhart Tolle made the same observation when he said, “Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus on your life.

    And, to add some more weight to this, Carlos Castaneda said, “A man of knowledge lives by acting, not by thinking about acting.

    These quotes and more, highlight the weakness in setting goals for our lives.

    Our goals are full of good intent. We want the fancy car, we want to lose weight, we want to quit smoking, we want to travel, we want to be rich, we want a loving relationship and the like.

    However, most of us are not prepared to pay attention to the process of getting our intention.

    Unless we focus on the actions and do the work to get to our end destination, all the visualisations and affirmations in the world won’t get us any nearer to our dreams.

    I believe that many of us miss the boat because we’re not prepared to pay attention to the work we have to do in the moment to achieve our dreams. Just in case you think I’m judging, I’m not … I’m as guilty as the next man of not working as hard as I should. I miss the boat plenty.

    Perhaps some of us are just not prepared to pay the price to get what we want. Perhaps I can just be blunt enough and say it, “We are lazy and want our success handed to us on a plate”.

    As Thomas Edison said, “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

    I think many of us have bought into the saying “work smarter and not harder”. And, maybe it has given us an excuse not to work too hard. The problem is that we are not working smarter either. So, if we take away hard work and smarts, we’re pretty much left with nothing.

    We are also misled by the media’s portrayal of people that are ‘overnight successes’. I think if we interrogate these so-called ‘overnight successes’ we’ll find the opposite is true. We’ll find that they worked extremely hard, over a long period of time whilst enduring failure after failure to achieve ‘overnight success’. 99% of ‘overnight success’ stories are myth.

    I suppose the trick is to figure out what it is that we really want in our lives. Then set action plans to achieve what it is we want and then use every moment wisely and knuckle down and do the work.

    Because as you know, the only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.

  • We stand on the shoulders of giants

    We stand on the shoulders of giants

    I’m sure you know that Cecil John Rhode’s statue was recently removed from the Cape Town University because of a whole bunch of issues including being a colonialist and messing up everyone’s lives. And, it looks like the activists have their eyes on Paul Kruger’s statue too.

    I don’t want to get into they why’s and wherefores of the debate because it is not germane to the point I want to make.

    Maybe there’s another view. It doesn’t matter what tribe you belong to, but in one form or another, it tried to colonise and subjugate someone – British, Germans, Zulus, Afrikaners, Spanish, Viking, Hun, Americans and the like.

    Understand that becoming human is an iterative process and yes, massive mistakes have been made along the way and are still going to be made along the way.

    But we are all here and benefiting from all those that have come before us. We are standing on the shoulders of giants.

    Let’s take Britain for example. It’s cool to bash them, isn’t it? The Afrikaner tribe for the atrocities in the Boer War and other tribes for colonising them. But, think about the British inventions that we all benefit from today (and, this is just a handful):

    1. The first telephone – Alexander Graham Bell
    2. The first steam locomotive – Richard Trevithick
    3. The first television – John Logie Baird
    4. World Wide Web – Tim Berners-Lee
    5. The first programmable computer – Charles Babbage
    6. Sports we enjoy in South Africa – football, cricket, rugby and tennis
    7. The light bulb – Joseph Swan (yup he beat Edison to it)
    8. Hypodermic syringe – Alexander Wood
    9. Synthetic dye – William Perkin
    10. Toothbrush – William Addis
    11. Safety bicycle – John Kemp Starley
    12. Cement – Joseph Aspdin
    13. Stainless Steel – Harry Brearley
    14. Photography – William Henry Fox Talbot
    15. Sewage System – Joseph Bazalgette
    16. Tin can – Peter Durand

    If you go back in the annals of history, you’ll find that pretty much every tribe in this world has contributed something that we are benefiting from.