Category: Personal Observations

  • Be Selfish and don’t feel guilt about it

    Be Selfish and don’t feel guilt about it

    Do you ever feel guilty when you’re selfish? You know, when you do something just for you?

    I did.

    If I wasn’t putting my family first, going to bat for my clients 100% and slaving away to make sure that everyone in my ecosystem was ok, then I felt guilty.

    This was up until I came to the concept of selfishness through an Irishman called Philip McKernan who runs an intervention called Authentic Goal Setting.

    He asked one of his clients what he liked doing. After some time and prompting, the client finally admitted that he liked yachting. But that he didn’t do it anymore.

    McKernan asked him if his family minded when he spent time on the yacht. His answer was illuminating. He claimed that there was more harmony in the house because he was in a better mood.

    He felt more relaxed, invigorated and centred after a session of yachting. He enjoyed his family more and they him.

    McKernan then berated him. He said that he was selfish by not going yachting.

    Surely, if it put him in a better mood, made him a better father, a better husband, a better person … surely that’s a good thing?

    And, for me that’s the ‘aha moment’. If we give everything to others and leave nothing for ourselves, then we are doomed to be unhappy. And, if we make ourselves unhappy, that’s just being selfish, isn’t it?

    Because when we’re happy, it rubs off on those we love and they become happy. So, it’s a win-win all round.

    The bottom line is that we need ‘me’ time.

    I’ve met so many couples that may as well be joined at the hip because they do everything together. It is almost as if one can’t function without the other, they’re so co-dependent. They become ‘us’ but lose their individual identity in the process.

    One of our biggest drivers is the need for significance.

    In a relationship environment there’s a lot of ‘us’ and very little ‘me’.

    We’ve been brainwashed that if we spend ‘me’ time, we’re being selfish.

    But if you buy into McKernan’s concept of selfishness, then being ‘selfish’ is not a bad thing, is it?

    Be a bit selfish. Do something that you love. Go fishing. Read a book. Yacht. Have a facial. Hang out with friends. Meditate. Go to gym. Run. Collect stamps. Bake. Hike. Sit. Breathe.

    Whatever it is that inspires you, go on, do it. Be selfish and take some ‘me’ time.

    What’s the worst that can happen? You may feel happier. Lighter. More centred. Grateful. You may just become a better mommy, daddy, son, daughter, grandfather, grandmother, employee, employer … that can’t ever be a bad thing, can it?

    Connect with you next week … I’m off to spend an hour or so at the lake with my fishing rod and maybe catch a Bass or two. And, if I don’t … so what? I’m connecting with me and being selfish.

     

  • Employee Engagement: What if Hollywood Doesn’t Call?

    Employee Engagement: What if Hollywood Doesn’t Call?

    In my line of work employee engagement is a big deal. And, the question on every leader’s lips is, “How do I get my people to come to work for more than a paycheque”. Leaders are struggling with and failing to figure out how to get their employees to come to work for something bigger than themselves.

    One of the biggest mindset challenges I see with employees on a daily basis, is folks who have Hollywood jobs.

    Let’s use Hollywood as a metaphor. Many aspiring actors end up in Hollywood hoping to make it as a star. Like Charlise Theron from our own shores. She made it big time.

    Of course, stardom doesn’t just arrive (in fact, for most, it never does) so the aspirant has to find a job. “But, it’s only temporary, you understand, because I’m going to become a star”.

    So, the aspirant ends up working as a waiter, barman, barista, exotic dancer and the like.

    Sadly, probably in more than 90% of the cases, Hollywood doesn’t call and they either stay in their current jobs, depressed and defeated or they go back home.

    I’m of the opinion that many of us are just like the aspiring actors we see going to Hollywood.

    You see, we think the job we’re in is not our real job. No, our real job is out there. This one is temporary. When my agent calls I will become a star.

    So, what’s the danger of that? Well it means that we don’t focus on the work in front of us and we don’t give our 100% effort.

    Many of us think that when we get our dream job our attitude will change and our lives will change.

    I think not. How we do our current job shows our character. And, if we have a slovenly and ‘do the bare minimum’ mindset a new job won’t change it. We will take our work ethic, character and attitude to the next job and get the same mediocre results we get in our current job. Not much will have changed.

    So, what to do? Hit the reality button … our current job/career might be the one that we have for the rest of our lives. There’s no Hollywood agent call-back. If we do have an opportunity for a dream job, then we have the choice to pursue it and need to do everything in our power to get the job.

    But, if we’re stuck in our job, we still have a choice.

    • We have a choice to be a giver and not a taker and put in 100% effort. This will define our character.
    • We can change our attitude and see the job in front of us as meaningful and useful.
    • We can live in the moment and make every moment magic.
    • We have a choice to work for a cause greater than ourselves … our team that toils with us and, of course, our family that relies on us. We can be there for each other and in the process create something masterful and wonderful.

    So, maybe, just maybe we’re already in our dream job and we just have to change our perspective.

  • Sounds of Silence

    Sounds of Silence

    I don’t know about you, but sometimes there is so much noise in my head. There’s so much noise in my environment. If it is not the dogs fighting, checking my Facebook profile, paying bills, worrying about my job, then it’s something else.
    There’s always noise.
    And, it appears that we encourage noise. We’re always doing something, keeping busy. We even carry this over to our kids. If they say they’re bored we try and find something for them to do (or just plonk them in front of the television). In my opinion, boredom is the doorway to creativity. You’ve actually got to figure things out.
    The problem with keeping busy and living in noise all the time is that we don’t give ourselves the space that silence affords us.
    And, of course some of us don’t want to contemplate the idea of silence. Because when we are still, we actually have to think. We have to deal with ourselves. Explore what is really important. And, sometimes we just don’t want to. So, we keep busy. In essence, we run away from truly connecting to ourselves.
    Also, when our heads are in constant overdrive we don’t have the space to think and to be creative.
    It is only in those moments of silence that we have a chance to let our subconscious mind percolate those ideas that are hidden under the noise. Who knows what we can come up with when we allow ourselves the space to think?
    So, take a deep breathe, slow down the chaos and become silent. You may just be surprised what will come out.
    I found the photo on the following website