Tag: Control

  • Train Your Two Year Old

    Train Your Two Year Old

    Article 17/365 of Jacques’s writing quest

    The other day I misplaced my keys (again) and lost my shit. I hadn’t lost my temper in a long time, so it was a strange and debilitating feeling. I had the most awful temper when I was younger, and I knew that if I never got it under control it would destroy me.

    Because we are justifying machines, I found a great but stupid reason for my volatility: my bloodline. I have Spanish, French and Arab coursing through my veins. It was a cute and convenient excuse for my ‘passionate’ disposition. 

    But it wasn’t cute at all, it was sad. Luckily, I learned early on in my life that whenever I flew off the handle I looked like a two-year-old child who had no control of his emotions.

    You know the one I’m talking about, don’t you? You’ve probably experienced temper tantrums and attention-seeking from a two-year-old, possibly your own? Feeling embarrassed when people look at you and judge you, saying “Control your child.” At that moment you (and everyone else) wished that you’d taken birth control.

    When we see an adult behaving like a two-year-old, it’s always uncomfortable for everyone involved, isn’t it?

    Of course, you’re smart enough to know that sometimes we behave like that two-year-old. And, more often, than we’d care to admit.

    And, nobody wants a two-year-old messing up their vibe.

    So, what’s the trick to dealing with your two-year-old self? I find that becoming an observer works for me. Going from unconscious to conscious. Hmm, I see my child is becoming problematic and making everyone feel uncomfortable. Let me remove him from this situation. He’s not in control, I am. He needs to learn to behave appropriately. 

    Don’t let the tail wag the dog. You’re the adult, act like it and train your child how to behave appropriately. 

  • An Issue of Control

    An Issue of Control

    One of the biggest things I struggle with as I traverse this spiritual journey, is the concept of submitting to a higher power and relinquishing control of this entire endeavour.

    If it was only about submitting some things and keeping control of some things, then it would be easy. Who doesn’t want someone else to deal with one’s burdens, and take credit for one’s successes?

    The challenge is that we are told to submit and give up control of everything to a higher power.

    In Sufism we call it fanā (فناء‎ ) – basically, the annihilation of the human ego before God.

    I don’t know about you, but I find it hard to surrender my ego and my identity that I’ve worked so hard on consciously creating. Although, being a LinkedIn profile writer, is probably not the highest thing I could shoot for now, is it? In my youth I shot for philosopher … LinkedIn profile writer feels like settling (and, settling for anything that is not the highest expression of myself feels like hell).

    A friend of mine said the other day, “Surrendering feels like loss.” I think she’s right, it does feel like loss.

    Of the four things that underly any worthwhile pursuit … security, power/status, fulfilment and harmony, status is the biggest driver for most of us. And, that’s a race to the bottom, I tell you. Trying to impress anyone is an exercise in futility because it leaves one weakened, insecure, dissatisfied and disillusioned in the final analysis.


    All paths lead to nowhere, so find a path with heart. Carlos Castaneda


    The antidote to status is to:

    • Submit because you and I have no control of the outcomes (Covid is testament to this).
    • Be in awe and gratitude that we get to play here for a little while.
    • Do meaningful work so that we can become masterworks and make this life a masterpiece.

      We really are the point of it all. This story you’re living has been written to enchant you. Just by being born we have more than is our due. This means that we’re in overtime every day. Let’s just make the most of our life, and enjoy it for what it is.

      A gift.

      A moment in time.

      A miracle.

      No amount of money in your bank account can fill that hole in your chest called insecurity. Etsko Schuitema

      Let’s do something that scares us today … let’s be grateful, in awe and be present.