I wrote a short play for your enjoyment and decided to turn it into a LinkedIn profile too.
♂ Ernest
⚲ Beckett
♂ I was sneaking a whiskey into my coffee at the office canteen when a young copywriter I’d seen in the corridors of Digital Dudes (a monstrosity of a name, I know) sat next to me.
⚲ What’s up my G, join you?
♂ He was young, maybe 20, 23 max. He had a patina of pimples across his forehead, a bit of fuzz on his top lip and milk still dribbling out of his mouth. He wore track pants and a white golf shirt with some kind of crocodile on it. His takkies were white with green trim.
⚲ Dude, I’m Beckett.” He pointed to a table behind him. Those are my e-boys and e-girls, Albus, Brynlee and Adalyn.
♂ I like your takkies.
⚲ Huh … oh, you mean my trainers. “Thanks boomer, these creps are Stan Smiths, and they’re real dank.
♂ They didn’t look moist and humid to me. Maybe he meant that they made his feet sweat.
⚲ I like your sweater, it’s really hard.
♂ It’s cashmere you little twerp I thought, how can it be hard?
⚲ What’s your name?
♂ Ernest.
⚲ That’s a sick name.
♂ I thought it was a pretty cool name. My parents named me after Ernest Hemingway. The Old man and the Sea was our favourite book. If I wasn’t so lit from all the whiskey, I’d have brained him.
⚲I’m the head copywriter for the ⚲ clothing boutique, called Amaranth. Have you heard of it?
♂ No, I only shop at McCullagh & Bothwell in Hyde Park.
♂ Where did you study?
⚲ I did a six-month certificate in digital marketing at Creative Digital.
⚲You, Boomer?
♂ I got a 3-year National Dip. Public Relations in 1987.
⚲ That’s dope, Boomer. So old school. Were you like my dad and conscripted into the army?
♂ I was.
⚲ Are you deadass? Being in the army is so not woke.
♂ I felt quite awake. In fact, the buzz from the whiskey was starting to wear off and his high-pitched voice was giving me a headache. I felt like throwing up.
♂How was I going to get rid of this condescending snot nose?
♂ I suppose I am old school. We used to get our work printed on real paper … you know, from trees.
⚲ That’s so not woke, you know that trees have feelings, don’t you? How many trees died because of you?
♂ A shit ton I suppose. I’ve written more than 10-million words since 1996.
⚲ Ok, Boomer, that’s so basic. You must see the memes I create for Insta. I’m an influencer with 200 000 followers. How many followers you got?
♂ I looked at him blankly, my headache reaching migraine proportions. “Huh?”
⚲ Boomer, my e-boys and girls are calling me, bye.
♂ There are lots of Becketts, Albusses, Brynlees and Adalyns to choose from and only one me.
♂ I’m finna going to get another whiskey whilst you decide which way you want to go.
* Disclaimer. No Gen Zs were harmed in the writing of this short play.