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October 8, 2021

LinkedIn Profile For The Bard, and life coach, William Shakespeare

William Shakespeare LinkedIn Profile

Summary

Hell is empty and the devils are here. I help cast out the devil and bring out the angel inside every one of us so that we can thrive and triumph as human beings. Life Coach. Playwright. 

About

Are you in the winter of your discontent, and struggling and failing to navigate your personal and professional life?

Is the sheer comedy, tragedy and enormity of it all derailing you from becoming the best version of yourself?

Are you disillusioned and disappointed with where you are at in your life, currently?

If so, you should seriously consider talking to me.

I’m William Shakespeare, former playwright, poet and actor, turned Life Coach. I’m also known as The Bard of Avon, and widely regarded as one of the greatest writers in the English language.

I’m not your average bitch-boy coach with a franchise qualification and accreditation. If you want one of those, you can shake any LinkedIn tree, and one will fall out. 

If you want someone who has been shattered by life, and went back in and kicked the shit out of it and succeeded, and claimed his rightful place in the world, then I’m your coach.

I can teach you how to do that.

I’ve been in the cut and thrust of this journey. I’ve been pummelled with tragedy, betrayal, self-doubt, vindictiveness, joy, love, loathing, loss, depression and degradation. 

I’ve seen the armpit of humanity in all its forms. The sweat and stink of lost dreams, torrid tears and treacherous flights of fancy. I’ve also seen the heart of humanity, its beauty, its vulnerability, and its infinite capacity for love. 

My job is to help you to stop festering, fearing, flailing and drowning in a pool of rancid sweat. My job is to help them come into your heart, into your light, and into your power so that you can claim your rightful place at the table of success. When I’m done with you, you’ll never settle for scraps again.

You may ask, what qualifies me to be a life coach?

Not to be coy, I tick all three of these boxes: Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them. I know a trick or two about the human condition.

  • From 1590 – 1613 (23 years) I made it my life’s work to study the human condition so that I could answer the important questions that beset all of humankind. To that end, I wrote at least 39 masterworks and 150 short and long poems. You may have heard of some of them – The Merchant of Venice, Much Ado About Nothing (your singer Cher, made that title even better when she said, “​​The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.”), Henry V, Richard III, Hamlet, Othello, King Lear and Macbeth.
  • I’ve known pure and profound love with my wife, Anne Hathaway and our three children, Susanna and twins Hamnet and Judith. She was 26 and I was 18 when we married. She was the love of my life. She was my soul.
  • My son, Hamnet was taken from us at the age of 11 and was buried 11 August 1596. It was the greatest loss of my life, and I never quite recovered. Thank God that I died (​​23 April 1616) before my darling Anne (6 August 1623). I would not have made it without her.
  • I’ve faced betrayal and besmirching of my reputation. Even though there are persistent rumours, Christopher Marlowe did not write any of my plays. For goodness sakes, he was a lightweight … he only wrote five plays. So, get over that one.
  • The better part of valour is discretion. I had to run from the law and hide out in London for a while because I was accused of deer poaching. I just found the bloody thing lying in my path.

You can see that I’ve done some shit. I’ve lived a life. I understand, probably more than anyone else on this planet, including the biggest Oedipus complex ever, Sigmund Freud and archetype anarchist, Carl Jung.

Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown. If you’re uneasy and unsure about your place in the world, then speak to me. I’ll help you get over your pathetic vision of yourself so that you can stop eating scraps from the floor and sit at the grownups table, where you have a shot at success. Reach out to me. 

Your only question is, “To be or not to be …” (the Matrix movie bastardised that and called it the blue pill or red pill … amateurs, I tell you). If you say, “It’s to be”, then I’ll help you kick the shit out of life so that you can triumph as a human being.

You can find me at ​​Holy Trinity Church, Stratford-upon-Avon, United Kingdom.

When you come to my door, you’ll see the words “Good friend, for Jesus’ sake forbear, to dig the dust enclosed here. Blessed be the man that spares these stones, And cursed be he that moves my bones.”

Just use the password so that you aren’t cursed, but blessed. The password is I want to create a masterpiece because I am a masterwork.

That’ll get you in to see me. Let’s do this thing together, you and I. Let’s sit at the table of success.

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