Things have been strange for me lately. I’ve thrown more tantrums than a colic baby in the last three months. More than I have in the last eight years. I’m moody. I’m inflexible both physically and mentally. I’m impatient. I avoid courageous conversations. I’ve become taciturn and insular. I’m scared, fractured and forlorn.
Folks that know me don’t understand my behaviour and of course, neither do I. Sometimes they’ll say something like, “You’re so spiritual. You should be above these feelings.”
If they only knew that spiritually I’m about as conscious and complex as an Amoeba. I suppose that’s why I feel like an imposter most of the time when it comes to things spiritual.
That got me thinking. Do we think that our spiritual teachers are above this human experience? Do our monks, rabbis, imams, pastors, shamans and priests take this path because they’re whole and near-perfect?
They might portray an air of confidence. They look like they know something the rest of us don’t. They even look like they can show us the way to redemption. But they know that they’re faking it like the rest of us. They’re just as frail and fractured like you and me. I’ll bet that they feel like imposters too.
They’re fractured monks like the rest of us.
That’s why we shouldn’t be too shocked and judgmental when they falter and fall.
I don’t believe anyone ends up in a church, mosque or synagogue because they’re fixed and perfect. And, those that lead their congregants are less so. They know they have lots of work to do on themselves.
In my opinion, that’s the only worthwhile work there is, is working on oneself.
It’s the only thing that we have some semblance of control over. We have little if any control on what others do but we do have control of ourselves.
Why is self-work important? I believe that every answer we seek is in us. I believe that we have the same knowledge as our creator. We’ve just forgotten it. It’s our job to remember that knowledge.
The only way we can do that is to spend time with ourselves. We need to dip out of the world, the noise and the pretence from time-to-time so that we can listen for the real answers.
We need to go into the silence that only meditation can bring. When we pray we’re speaking to God and when we meditate God is speaking to us.
I think it’s probably as simple as that. Be silent and hear God’s whisper.