May 6, 2021

Does your LinkedIn profile look like a Tinder hookup?

Let a LinkedIn coach help you with your LinkedIn profile

I work LinkedIn hard and it’s paying off. I made $10 last month and I’m set to break my all-time record of $15 this month. What a rush. With that amazing track record I think I can now become a LinkedIn coach. Apparently it’s a popular job … shake a tree and one falls out.

In my search for wealth on LinkedIn, I get to look at many a LinkedIn profile and I’ve noticed two things:

  • Some of them are as short and as boring as a Tinder profile (no cat fishers please).
  • Most of them, particularly in the corporate space, look like CVs (résumés).

My F#k Marelize, we’ve got 2000 characters to express ourselves in our profiles, let’s use them.

LinkedIn Profile

Here’s a corporate one. Good grief it’s boring #whocares. (Italics in brackets) are my emphasis.

I’m ambitious

As an ambitious and hard-working individual, I am often recognised for my commitment and ability by highly respected companies (I was once mistaken for best of breed in a dog show). I handle multiple tasks on a daily basis competently (so does a stay-at-home-mom), working well under the pressure (once again, stay-at-home-mom). Frequent acknowledgement of my contribution from senior management (I got employee of the month once at my local Spur) illustrates my potential (but not actual) value to our company.

Here’s a business owner trying his best. This one makes me want to rip my eyes out. The last time I was so bored, was … never. Unfortunately when this travesty is seen it can’t be unseen. It’s like catching your parents in flagrante delicto on a Sunday afternoon when they’re supposed to be napping. This is when you wish you were a lizard with nictitating membranes, so that you can wipe the memory from your sight.

I’m a serial entrepreneur

A versatile (I’m average at everything) serial entrepreneur (how many businesses have you failed at then?) who is passionate about developing people and teams (are teams not people?) towards enhancing performance (bring on the Viagra), who goes the extra mile (gagging) to add value (pull my head out of the toilet) and is highly adaptable (flighty) to changing environments across industries (I job hop a lot). Engages and inspires key stakeholders (run Dracula, run or fly) from C-suite executives through to technical teams (you’re amazing, I can barely inspire my dog).

I shouldn’t be making fun of these profiles. I’m sorry. Let’s get serious for a second.

There are two learning moments

First, if I were your boss and checked out your LinkedIn profile and it looked like a CV, I’d be mightily concerned. You’re working for me and have your feelers out for other work. What are the optics on that?

Of all crimes that human creatures are capable of committing, the most horrid and unnatural is ingratitude. Dave Hume, Scottish Philosopher

I’d kinda feel like the late Dave.

Of course, the blame should lie squarely at the marketing director’s door. And, here we come to the second learning moment … I would insist in my employment contract that my employees market the company in their LinkedIn profile.

The whole caboodle … even a call to action. Imagine if you had a 1000 employees working for you (assuming they all have LinkedIn profiles), that would mean you have a 1000 extra marketing properties that can give a potential client an opportunity to engage.

Go, have a look at your LinkedIn profile and if it’s like watching paint dry, ungracious and clumsy, fix it and write something elegant and eloquent. If only for the sake of our eyes.

No LinkedIn coaches were harmed in the writing of this article. Because I’ve been so successful on LinkedIn and amassed $10 this month, I feel qualified enough to help you audit your entire LinkedIn property. Have a look at the offer here.

Photo Credit: GetStencil

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