This article is a 3-part series on “Achieving Life Balance”, and has been adapted from Etsko Schuitema’s book, Intent.
The Relationship between You and Other
All that is not You is the Other. If you imagine the totality of the Other, it would encapsulate you. The rest of the universe, the absolute other completely surrounds you and you are at its centre.
When you get something, the thing that you are getting moves from the other to you. On the other hand when you give something, what you are giving moves from the self to the other. Clearly, your hands symbolize your power or your capacity, and your hands sit with you, not the other.
This implies that you not only have power over what you are giving or what’s leaving you. You have no power over what you are getting or what is coming toward you because what you are getting is in the hands of the other.
When you put attention to what you should be contributing, you become strong. On the other hand, when you put attention to what you want to get, you become powerless. It makes you powerless precisely because it delivers you into the hands of the other. Because you are at the mercy of the other you identify the other as the one to blame for your misfortune. You account for what happens to you on the basis of what they are doing to you, rather than what you are doing to them. You feel yourself to be the victim. You are at their mercy. They are in charge and you are innocent.
From this point of view we see that immaturity is about a bitter demeanour with regard to the other. It is about accusation and discontent. It is clearly about discontent because if your contentment is based on what the other does to you, it means you will only be contented when the other conforms to your expectation. The universe rarely gives you exactly what you want at a particular point in time. Because this happy condition is exceedingly rare, it therefore implies that you will rarely be contented.
On the other hand, if you base your contentment on the correctness of your own actions, you base your contentment on that which is directly within your power. You therefore are not only in the position to assume full responsibility over your contentment. You infinitely increase your capacity for contentment because the source of it lies with you.
The degree to which one acts on the basis of expectation is the degree to which one becomes manipulable. As the word manipulable implies, one has handholds. You have places where the other can get a grip on you. However, to get rid of your expectation means to become unassailable. The other cannot get a hold on you.